Preety_India

May 16, 2020. Saturday. Day 90 of Implementation Days. Day 104 of the No social contact challenge.

I can actually put all these phases into 2 major categories. . Emptiness phase Building /Harmony phase. Or Consciousness clearance phase Consciousness building phase

I forgot the word for house clearing.

Purging helps to release blocks and release creative energy and let it flow. This energy then brings growth. As long as there is dirt holding everything back and lack of freedom, the kinetic energy of fire can't be released. The fire is nascent. The fire is dormant. It's energy withheld and suppressed. Creativity dormant and logjam Once released, the growth is spontaneous, healing is faster and pinnacle achieved. Growth always follows a plateau curve. It reaches stability and sustenance.

The next calendar entry should have been by May 11 at least. Anyway,...... I need to build a solid time-line as a foundation to keep a track from day to day. I am getting lazy. Acting lazy.... Nope nope... Get your ass off the couchey. Or face Angry Doge.. This is May 16. Massive backlog. Start house clearing.. Karmic cleansing Broom and mop.... Spiritual mopping. Then start active mode. Chapter of trauma complete. (although emotional purging will have its glimpses from time to time but now on the back burner) New chapter begins. Start house decoration and house running. Start shopping. New clothes new season. Become a decorator crab Detox phase or cleaning. Spiritual detox/Consumption phase/ chaos phase. Essentially the throwing or I don't know how to put this, the emptying, clearing, cleansing, purging, decluttering, All of your consciousness clearing, karma cleansing, clean slating, purging, trauma releasing and trauma purging. Logging phase Keeping in check Protection phase Not rolling back into bad habits. Not getting baited. Saging Building phase Build things. New growth. Building, Regeneration. Setting phase Set things Order phase /equilibrium phase Keep order Balance and peace is restored. Stable State.... Equilibrium

Aquarius can be a bit self destructive so be careful. Self-sabotage. Also Aquarius can get into addictions at later stages of life, if an Aquarius has been abandoned or neglected unloved in childhood, they get broody and needy as adults. Aquarius routinely suffers betrayals from close mates( Marcus Brutus) but Aquarius is Julius Caesar, so your energy is strong. You're right about the negativity part. Since you only use the forum for asking questions to problems, it can come across as negative. Sorry my bad.. You're a lonewolf, so try to rely more on yourself. Your own energy serves you best. You're an air sign so you need ample space in life where you are left to yourself. You are romantic at heart so you won't stop chasing the opposite sex. You're also sacrificial. So you will tend to help others even at the expense of your loss or suffering. The best advice is complete focus on self. Not getting rid of neediness will attract opportunists, vultures, backstabbers and narcissists in life. About the first part - I've been through all of that, in my 20's. About neediness - yes, I am working on becoming 100% independent, even right now, one guy that lent me some money is playing the mercy card on me. I would even flip the coin here. It's not that much about me being needy towards other people, it's more that other people are needy and looking to suck the energy from me. Fuck, I was aware of the fact the life and people can be fucked up, but EVERYONE is fucked up, I feel like Neo in a Matrix. nihilism kicks in @28 cm unbuffed Then I only pray that you do better and your wishes come true.

You are right about a lot of things in this post. But this statement is a problem "I think everything that is happening is somehow my fault aka extreme ownership." This to me sounds more of self blame than ownership. You probably suffer from low self esteem instilled by the narcissistic abuse from your mother. That's why you try to be a perfectionist. You find it hard to believe that you are good enough. Even when I told you that you are handsome, you couldn't believe it. This to me shows that you suffer a melancholic level of nihilistic self-deprecatory mindset. You constantly feel that you are not worthy or good enough. These feelings are probably inserted into your mind by the narcissistic mother. This happened to me too. I doubt if you are a cancer or scorpio or somewhere in between But you are definitely in the lower index of the zodiac. I'm not sure if you are a water sign in the zodiac, but you share a lot of similarities in personality traits with me. Like a twin flame. You doubt yourself. You think that you lost something in life when you are only 29. You think that you are not good enough, when you are actually very good. You think that you are not intelligent enough, when you are fairly intelligent than others. We both had narcissistic mothers who devalued us. There is a small difference though. I'm very positive. I'm like the happier version of you. You are more of the melancholic version of me. You're definitely not a shallow person. You have a depth to your personality that few can understand. You need to come out of that halo or haze of pessimistic self - defeating. You can do great in life as you have full potential. Don't wait for a relationship or a girl to improve your life, the time is now or never. Whether you get a woman or not is secondary, focus only on improving your life one day at a time and gradually you will see a happier version of yourself. You're an empath. Use that quality to love yourself just like you would love others.

OK now I remember. I was buying looking for a bargain deal on gemstones. I looked up online. But the prices were pretty high. So gave up. So Monday was May 11, and this day I was looking for a local Reiki healer in my area. But couldn't find any advertisement for such. So left is Monday to Friday.. From 11th to 15th. Monday - looking into Reiki healers and trying to learn Reiki Tuesday - I felt vulnerable and insecure and felt like quitting everything. I took a pledge that I won't reduce myself to chathood and talked about drawing a circle. Wednesday - I did a fire visualization experiment to try out spirituality in different ways and it was success. Thursday - I opened up about my childhood trauma and abuse past. Emotional purging after completing a couple of fire visualizations. Friday - I continued exploring my estranged relationship with my family member and different aspects of spiritual growth and fire visualization explosion of spirituality exercise.

Good doesn't attract evil. It's ignorance. Most people are ignorant of what sort of relationships they are getting into. We as humans don't have the capacity to predict the future of a relationship. We always carry great hopes in the beginning. But gradually when the relationship takes a dark turn, we don't quickly get out of it because emotionally processing takes time. Evil and good are very strong terms. I wouldn't call my ex an evil person. Maybe he was ignorant in his ways not realizing that what he was doing was hurtful and wrong. We attract partners based on sexual dynamics of opposite attraction. However like I said, it's important to keep in mind that both partners respect each other. We aren't given a handbook or manual while entering relationships. Most relationships are spontaneous. A person who was behaving good today can act strange tomorrow. So there's no point in laying blame. The best strategy here is to show light to each other. When you realize that someone is in a toxic relationship, guide them to be out of it. Also when you are going to be in a relationship, try reading a ton of stuff on it, the more information you have, the more you are prepared to know the positives and negatives of a relationship. Before my relationship, I didn't even know that the term narcissistic abuse existed. When I was going to break that relationship, someone suggested me that it could be narcissistic abuse. I immediately read about it and saw that all characteristics of the relationship matched narcissistic abuse. Had I known before, I would have made well informed decisions. That's how things work. So when educate yourself more and develop yourself, your chances of finding a better partner increases. However most people aren't so lucky to have all the resources or the capabilities to learn quickly.

100 percent.

But don't get too angry. I gathered some concepts in the last few days that are really helpful.

Haha.. ?? Enjoy this ice cream then ??

I didn't say femininity is submission. I said I was feminine and submissive. My nature is feminine but I'm generally very submissive in relationships and friendships. Just like people are shy. I was describing my nature.

The last calender entry was on May 7. Cool. Now it seems that my trajectory is going in some direction. I can't believe it's May 16 already. What was I doing lol.... I think I was too busy between May 8 and May 14. Angry doge asking me lol. Reporting to Mr Angry Doge, my personal accountability partner on Actualized.org. Facepalm ? Last 3 days were emotional purging Before that I was watching elephant and animal videos Before that bad memory don't remember... Haha

@28 cm unbuffed I'm an opposite of a narcissist. It's the opposites who attract. He got attracted to me because he saw me as a vulnerable non judgemental person. I was very quick at forgiving. That was an advantage to him. He was very manipulative and charming. It was very easy to fall for his charm.. We always attract people who we think we will derive some value from. Because we think they complement us in some way. They will complete our incompleteness. A shy person attracts a confident person. A timid person attracts a strong person. A dominant attracts the sub.. This is the nature of sexual life. Sexual attraction works on opposite attractions of qualities. He was a like Dom narcissist and I was like a sub feminine. I was attracted to his dominating personality because I wanted someone to dominate me because I was submissive myself. Another submissive person cannot create an attraction in me. He was good in the bed. Dominant. But his dominance went too far and got abusive and toxic.. Sadly relationships are more revolved around sexual attraction and less around behavior traits. This is the nature of life. It's important to be careful to not only have the right dose of sexual chemistry but also the right mental frequency where they both get along in terms of behavior requirement, like equal respect to each other, in our case, I respected him but he didn't respect me and broke my boundaries, as a result I had to cut off with him But it's never too late. I'm happy in my new relationship now. He is not that dominating, the sexual chemistry is not as strong but it can grow over time, the best part is that we respect each other equally so I don't need to fight for respect.

What distinction are you trying to imply here? I didn't get this. Please elaborate this for me.

Nothing funny about this. That's a cringe thing to say. I don't get along with men who disrespect women. (you guys loved the popcorn I guess)

Completely agree with you Arc. Welcome back though

This elephant video is so cute, it has got me glued. Andrew is so sweet, he sent me this cute picture of an elephant. He knows exactly what makes me cheerful.. This is has gotta be the cutest picture of an Elli Aww. I wanna hug it. (when mamma is not around. ) Invited to banquet and music. This video is too funny This guy is so loving.. So funny at the same time. Hehe.

My music compilation list.

You got issues to work on. Learn compassion. Stop degrading women. Grow out of your toxic views on women. Peace out. ?????

You have tons of hypocrisy in your attitude. I don't need to follow a man like you who sees every opportunity to degrade women and then comes around and says "happy mothers day" In fact you are the one who is constantly following me around. I had to block you from messages in order to stop getting them. So this is the post where you are trying to show women on social media as looking for money in exchange for sex. Try to be positive towards women and stop trying to act like I'm in interested in you. Because I'm not.

You got a lot of growing up to do. Because you don't know shit. You have zero compassion to victims. And then as per you, they are not comfortable just because they don't agree with you.. If you think that all the victims in the world are their own abusers, then you need a lot of learning about relationship dynamics.. I feel sorry that you didn't get an opportunity to learn compassion. By showing that their suffering is their own Projection, you have completely dismissed the cause of their suffering. Good job.. Not proud of your mindset at all. It's disturbing.

Don't use the term victim mindset so loosely. There are victims of abuse and violence. You're calling them victim mindset without having any empathy for them. Try to be in their shoes sometimes and don't be so quick to judge them as victim mindset. I'm not playing a victim but that's what you're trying to imply. I'm a survivor of abuse not a victim player. I'm very courageous and brave, it takes bravery to survive so much, but your words are very hurtful, you call it victim mindset which is a way of tarnishing my struggles, almost an insult to injury, please don't do that, you probably have never spoken to a domestic violence victim, you are no expert on women nor do you try to understand women, you simply put your narration and spin on their stories. You can't decide how they are feeling and what they are. If they are victims, then they are victims, respect that. With that attitude you can never have a deep relationship with a woman, and if you want to grow on the spiritual path, then grow some empathy as well. Try to understand people rather than having an opinion on them, they want your understanding and empathy, not your thoughts on their character or behavior. Many times it's not the victim's fault at all, they are simply trusting a person they shouldn't trust. You say that a victim mindset is always ready to feel hurt. Subconsciously you are downplaying the abuse and trauma experienced by a person by simply saying that wanted to act hurt even when no one was hurting, they wanted to invite abuse and if you what you are saying is taken to the extreme, it basically means that the abuse never actually happened and it was all the victim putting on an act all along, pretending to be a victim for attention or sympathy. You are simply denying their humanity. This is a dangerous thinking and very hurtful to true victims and survivors. They are not looking for your validation nor are they looking for denial from people like you. You have also called women on social media as whores for expressing their sexual side, very degrading way of referring to women. You are already showing elements of toxic masculinity. Try to work on your attitude towards women in general. Try to understand and empathize when they suffer rather than dismissing it as acting or self pity victim mentality. No its not what you think.. Some People are really weak in this world. They are not having an agenda behind what they do. In fact they survive what you can't. They are strong and proud. They will continue to live happily and strive no matter what people like you think. . Goodluck

Today having a good day. This girl is a charm on me.