Preety_India

I'm not looking for help. I'm just processing my emotions right now.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I don't even remember anything. It's like everything is washing away. A part of me is growing again.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Teri yaad dil se bhulaane chala hun Ke khud apani hasti mitaane chala hun Ghataaon tumhe saath dena padega Main fir aj ansu bahaane chala hun Kabhi jis jagah khwaab dekhe the maine Wahi khaank apani udaane chala hun Teri yaad dil se bhulaane chala hun Ke khud apani hasti mitaane chala hun ✸⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•✸⊰⊰⊰⊰• Wake up. Wake up. Just wake up.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• My whole body feels empty right now. There's a hole in my soul. A state of emptiness and hollowness. I want to be in a deep dark place somewhere in the ocean or near there somewhere near a beach where they work in the dockyard. I want to simply vanish into thin air. Be there locked up. Never to be found. Never to be seen. Far far away. Where people just walk by in corridors. And I simply pick a book and read. I miss you marcel But I understand.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I'm a 122 years old Swedish woman. Wait. That sounds absurd. Is 70 okay? I'm suitably 71 years old. Wait, I don't want 70. I want maybe 60. 60 sounds like I can at least walk OK final - February 25, 1962 That's perfect. That makes me, Umm, 60 years old. Now perfect OK this is perfect. I'm a 60 year old Swedish woman. Now If any man approaches me I will tell him I'm a 60 year old wicked old bitch, fuck off man.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• The best is yet to be. Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. Do good and good will come to you. A positive mindset brings positive things. Positivity always wins When things go wrong, don't go with them. Live life to the fullest and focus on the positive. Keep looking up ✸⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•✸⊰⊰⊰⊰• Now and forever I will never be able to trust anyone anymore. Because I don't wish to be ghosted by people, they have no clue how much it hurts, maybe easier for them, but much harder on the person being ghosted. I wish people didn't play with other's emotions and now I became more of an introvert than I already was and I have sunk deeper into my shell. That's why I cut contact with everyone on the forum in the last couple of days. I will never be the same again.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• The seeds of beauty are in humility. Change the world by being yourself. Every moment is a fresh beginning. Never regret anything that made you smile. Die with memories, not dreams. Aspire to inspire before we expire. I'm feeling much better today. I also contact my online holistic healer who has become my new role model and she is in my profile picture. I am following her work and I hope to work with her in the future.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• A new day a new way. Time to move on and forget everything that happened in the past.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I know this might sound absurd. But I have decided to transform myself into a Swedish woman for the purposes of healing. This is my new journey as a Swedish woman. I just want the Swedish way. There is something happening to me. All the trauma causes me to strip away everything that is me. I just want to scrub and rub my skin till it bleeds and remove every identity out of me and take up a new role, a new image, a new identity. Because I hate whatever was done to my body, to my soul, I feel bad who I was. Now I don't want it anymore. I want to be a new me. I want to be a new person.. I want to forget the last six months and scrub them off from my life. I feel played and abandoned and I don't ever want it again.. I just don't want to date men anymore. No never. Enough hoping that I will find a faithful man because I will never find one. These hoes ain't loyal. So I have to figure out my own path. Enough betrayals. I just don't want men. My only man is the Swedish guy I have fallen in love with. Viking style. ••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Moving on to the next phase of my life. The phase of ultimate healing.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I know this might sound absurd. But I have decided to transform myself into a Swedish woman for the purposes of healing. This is my new journey as a Swedish woman. I just want the Swedish way. There is something happening to me. All the trauma causes me to strip away everything that is me. I just want to scrub and rub my skin till it bleeds and remove every identity out of me and take up a new role, a new image, a new identity. Because I hate whatever was done to my body, to my soul, I feel bad who I was. Now I don't want it anymore. I want to be a new me. I want to be a new person.. I want to forget the last six months and scrub them off from my life. I feel played and abandoned and I don't ever want it again.. I just don't want to date men anymore. No never. Enough hoping that I will find a faithful man because I will never find one. These hoes ain't loyal. So I have to figure out my own path. Enough betrayals. I just don't want men. My only man is the Swedish guy I have fallen in love with. Viking style.

Do I want a Swedish Chunky Cat or a German Chunky Cat? Swedish no thanks. German chunky cat..... Yes.. This time someone went full German on me. When are they going to turn Swedish? I'm waiting desperately for someone to turn Swedish on me Please O please. God please I pray to you, please make them Swedish.

Although this is just temporary, my permanent love is a Chunky Cat. My knees go really weak for a Chunky Cat

I think I always fall for a particular type of men who are dark haired, long faces, thin lips, big forehead. Is there something wrong with my vagina that I always tend to attract such men only Must be such men who fucked my ancestral spirit or something

.. it is damn arduous and a not for everyone sacrifice getting up in the dark the eerie silence the cold every morning i am giving it all for what i consider the most important thing i will keep giving more and more as my body allows i seek absolutely nothing except a fantastic now

Isn't this the highest form of energy vampirism?

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• One of the reasons why I felt like I was an energy vampire is because I am needy around relationships. Neediness is a sign of energy vampirism. Although neediness is not inherently a bad thing So I basically figured out two issues in me. One is neediness and the other is anger. I will go deeper into this later.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I'm very much like a hermit. There's very little that you could get out of me. Are you getting signs from the devil? Is the devil helping you? Why do I always flip flop between good and evil?

If you have asked too many stupid questions in the past, then you need to focus on this — Do you do things that you like versus do you do things that are best for you?

I actually read certain things like energy vampires manipulate others and Iie. And I have done such things in my past so it made me feel like I was looking in the Mirror. It was frightening because nobody wants to be a vampire you know

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I'm very much like a hermit. There's very little that you could get out of me. Do you do things that you like versus do you do things that are best for you?

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• My body kinda feels tight and rigid I don't know what happened but I think I got dreams again There has been something going on.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Why was I thinking about Ukraine and Russia suddenly. Out of the blue. Because it's war. And my body is going through intense anxiety and discomfort and it wants to release that anxiety and the war in my dreams is a representation of it.

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Why is it that there has to be some sort of a volcano for good things to happen! Thank God liberation!!

••••••••••••<<<•••••<<<•••••>>••••••••••••••>>>•••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• So these dreams have been troubling me. When I woke up, I kept scratching. When I woke up I saw my mom and I screamed at her, "what the hell are you doing here? Why aren't you sleeping in your bedroom?" I feel very uncomfortable just thinking about this. What was she doing there! Was she watching me while I was having a nightmare? Why would she do that? Because as soon as I opened my eyes I saw her there and I screamed at her immediately. This is because her presence right after I wake up is a source of trauma for me. I have had dreams where I saw her standing over me and squeezing my neck till I suffocated and died. I would wake up screaming. I felt really frightened this time Usually I get these dreams where I feel like she is watching me