Preety_India

I have been alone and lonely for so long, I don't even remember. It's only Andrew that makes me feel better. And I make him feel better. We share a similar childhood. The recent Portuguese group that I joined has been very helpful. Those people are awesome and welcoming. Will help me open up a bit more that way Lessons I learned You don't have to be for someone You just have to be for you Don't think too much of public attention. Let that thought disappear. Society in general wants women to believe that they are worthy only when someone gives them attention. You need to remove that thought out of your head and stop being social fodder. Don't get upset when someone doesn't talk to you or feel less of yourself. You don't have to. I know that you do.. Often... But you don't have to. You don't have to feel this way. You are your own. Don't be too hungry for appreciation. Be neutral. You give power to what you give power to. And you know what is exactly liberating..........? When you give power to nothing, absolutely nothing.. That's liberating. You realize instantly that everything was and is a hoax. I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams. Where the city sleeps, and I'm the only one and I walk alone.

The best feeling is when someone says to me "you don't have to feel this way." or "you don't have to feel that way." Cough. (to a certain someone, why is my journal bothering you so much, since you visited my profile page, GTFO)

I can say that after purging, I've been feeling better, much better. Time to celebrate a little.

If you want a woman who is well traveled, then maybe you should go out travel as well. You are more likely to find someone who has similar interests if you engage in those interests. I met my first crush. At a mutual friends party I met my first boyfriend at my college I met my second boyfriend at my workplace I met my third boyfriend in the US in a grocery store I met my fourth boyfriend in meditation retreat in my country. What are the chances that I will meet a guy online. The chances are zero. If you want a real relationship or real experience, go be real. Hang out and socialize. You will find lots of people online. But they will break your trust. Don't fall for such a trap. Find real people in real life Now you might say that you can't because there aren't many girls near you, well then you must change your location and go to a popular city where you find lots of girls. Girls of every place in the world. You need to make changes if you want someone admirable in your life. It won't happen by sitting behind a laptop and cruising through random women's profiles It happens with confidence. Confidence can't be shown on a computer or a cellphone. Every guy I met was very confident in himself. Each one of them were confident enough to directly approach me. That's why they won me over. You can't sit on a dating website and complain about dating websites when you are not ready to do actual work. It's like complaining about unemployment without actually attending any job interviews. A real person needs real work. If I wanted to date just like that I can find a 100 men right now, I know because I'm a woman, so the odds are in my favor, but that way I will be dating any Tom Dick and Harry. But if I wanted a good quality man who brings value to my life. Then I will need to put effort. Now I didn't go to the meditation retreat with the explicit intention to hunt a boyfriend, I just happened to come across a good quality man with value to offer. It's because I was ready to expose myself to such an opportunity. I was ready to meet new people learn new things, so life paid my grit to explore opportunities. That's how you do it. Stop pussyfooting. You be a real person ready to go out there and pull no stops. Then see life comes banging on your door. Dating is a struggle for both sexes. But it needs a ton of self growth and raw effort.

Came across this article and I thought to myself, my my my my.... How can this lady be such a shameless woman? Dear How to Do It, I have found myself recently in a position where a man who I know has a girlfriend (I am also female) has propositioned me for sex. I am very attracted to him, and I feel like I wouldn’t have much guilt if I slept with him. At this point I am looking just for sex, not a relationship, and this one-time tryst would be just sex. Obviously, I know that cheating happens, and I know that sleeping with him would not be a wise decision morally for either of us. But I can’t get him out of my head. Is there something wrong with me because I don’t think I would feel that much guilt? Shouldn’t I feel worse about this? How responsible am I for someone else’s relationship? I am certainly responsible for my own actions, and I know am morally in the wrong here. But as it exists right now, purely hypothetically, I don’t feel bad about it. Dear Not Guilty, Are you sure you don’t feel bad about this hypothetical cheating abetment? People don’t usually write in for help preventing them from doing something they don’t feel bad about. I think this is a textbook case of the lady protesting too much. I think you know, on some level, that if you went through with helping this guy cheat, you would feel negatively afterward—maybe even during the act. Even if I’m incorrect, you know that you’d be doing something wrong regardless of whether you end up feeling bad. Just in case I’ve been unclear: Don’t help this guy cheat on his girlfriend. Remove temptation. Limit the amount of time you spend with this guy, especially alone. Focus on the harm you’d be helping to cause with the other woman involved. Take some time to really put yourself in her shoes and imagine how that betrayal would feel. Make sure you’ve given him a firm no. Yeah, he might find someone else to cheat with. But a clear, concise no from you might prompt him to reevaluate what he’s doing. Suggesting he talk to his girlfriend about opening up the relationship is also a possibility. You don’t mention your own relationship status. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, make your fantasy life more robust. If you have a regular partner, consider role play. Treat yourself to some saucy novels or explicit pornography. Get a new sex toy. When you feel sexual desire, fulfill it yourself. Whatever it takes to keep focusing on, well, anything but this guy. And the answer to her question was kinda perfect. Nailed on the head. Random gifs

Done So this was my synopsis on dealing with racism spiritually. Maybe I will have more spiritual insights on this topic later and I might want to add more when I see fit, but for now I'm closing this complicated topic for good.. I'm done with the venting. It did help me lift some of the heaviness I was dealing with.

Dealing with racism and bias spiritually One thing you need to know is to understand that nothing in society is ever zero. Dealing with racism is similar to dealing with any other form of injustice. And expecting a system to have zero instances of injustice is like dreaming of living in utopia. It's not gonna happen Acceptance is necessary. Be the better person. You can either choose to continue living in negativity arising from the racial behaviors of others or you can rise above the bullshit and create your own heaven, this is up to you. Try to take the higher road. Forgive Forgive and have compassion for those who are racist to you.. This is important because holding resentment for too long will make you bitter and agressive. You will forget your own beauty. This reminds me of victim families forgiving Dylan Roof at his trial. Who was Dylan Roof. That's another mystery. Was he a person or a psyche or simply a teenagey manifesto. At the very heart of racism, is sheer human error and ignorance. To err is human, to forgive is divine. People can deny you your humanity but they can't deny you your divinity.

Racism has nothing to do with race. It has more to do with people. For example I could be racially profiled by a black police officer in America as much as by a white police officer. Because I'm Asian. I remember going to a store in the US with my cousin. We were looking at perfume sets and we wanted to buy one. The black woman at the counter was exceptionally rude to us and wouldn't show us any of the sets. She even uttered some racist crap to both of us.. In the sense she thought that people from the third world can't afford those perfumes.. So she was reluctant to show them. However she was eager to serve a Mexican couple who were standing next to us.. The funny thing was in the end, it was we who actually bought the expensive perfume set and not the mexican couple who she spent an hour with trying to market her product. I also had a few other encounters in stores and elsewhere where the black people were very racist to me. So racism can come out of anywhere. It has nothing to do with the race of the person who is being racist. It is just that person. You can't generalize a whole race of people and call of them racist. That's stereotyping. The whole idea that only whites show racism or racism can only play out when a white person does it to a black person is baseless and absurd. Literally any person of any race can be racist. My experiences with white folks were mostly pleasant and so it's a stupid ideology to think that only a particular race is racist. Racism is all about one person and that person. It is also about systems like systemic or institutional racism but even with that, there are certain individuals who run that institution are racist and not the entire race. Never generalize a population. A population of people is too vast to fit a stereotype..

Dealing with racism and bias spiritually Whats the incentive to be friendly with someone The problem is these are learned behaviors and we do them because we are taught to be friendly. We don't know if humans are naturally friendly or not. That's up for debate. What we all know for certain that both negative enforcement and positive enforcement work together to shape human behavior. Natural behaviors are natural behaviors. But these natural behaviors and instincts are then polished and trained and sanctified in order to suit the taste of human cultural needs. The relationship between one human and another human is very much based on trust and mutual agreement or mutual understanding and acceptance. This mutual trust and acceptance is the basis of the contract between two humans. It's the basis of the "incentive." Of course, as natural law, we are always supposed to put on our best behaviors and be the nicest that we can be to everyone but the incentive principle doesn't just die away. Incentive is very important. Would you do your job if you weren't getting paid. Would you honor a marriage if you weren't getting love, affection and sex and children. The thing is no matter how much we are invested in showing that we are the best in our character and mentality, deep down we can't resist our shadows, nor can we defeat them. A certain evilness is always present in every human. Instead of being pretentious about it, and trying to mask it or be hypocritical about it, it's important to face it head on and embrace and integrate this shadow. If you feel selfish say it instead of trying to cover it. Because when shadows are not allowed to surface, they turn into time bombs and they reside somewhere in the psyche waiting to explode in the most unexpected ways at some point. These shadows are waiting to manifest in the form of hypocrisy. Therefore there will be no point if I said in this journal that my objective is to be peaceful and kind to everyone without realizing the underlying aspect or reason why I want to be kind and understanding in the first place. Therefore the question of incentive comes up again. When you do social experiments, you will realize that people generally give you an effective response when you give them an effective opportunity. When you are nice, they are nice in return. When you are not nice, they walk away as well. This is natural human behavior. Of course there are ways to circumvent this behavior. One way is spiritual hypocrisy and spiritual bypassing. When you are told to love everyone even if you don't feel like loving anyone. I consider this spiritual bypassing. Spiritual bypassing is running away from your shadows and dabbing some spiritual oil on it I would suggest shadow work instead of simply advising someone to love everyone. Understand that everything is a process. Loving everyone is also a process, a rite of passage, you will need to walk through fire before you find peace. You will need to be aware before you find salvation. You simply cannot attach to something and become that something. I cannot attach to anger and become anger, because then it's fake anger, like me trying hard to generate anger, but real anger comes without invitation or invocation, similarly real love comes from within, raw and real, without attachment to the idea of love, without practicing it, now I'm not saying here that you shouldn't practice love, you must, but understand that even if you practice love you are simply fooling yourself if you inner shadows have never been resolved. You are only a gimmick. A display of love. Real love might take ages to cultivate or spawn because real love is also effortless. The other way to circumvent it is to genuinely grow out of the bullshit of human drama and grow in eternal love.. Coming back to the question of incentive Incentive is very important. To human social structure. Because inherently human relations are based on unwritten contracts. The contract means, you do your job and I will do mine.. You honor your side and I will honor mine.. This is just how things are So when someone is not accepting you or not friendly to you in the way they should, you also don't have the incentive to be nice to them either. If they fail their side of the contract, you don't have much reason, or incentive, to keep honoring your side of the contract. You can't be expected to feel marginalized and still respect the person who is marginalizing you There is a huge advantage to openly speaking about things. It liberates you from your bias and from your shadows. If a word came to your tongue but you decided to not utter it for whatever reason, that word has now turned into a shadow inside of you and you would have been better off if you had uttered it rather than keeping your lips sealed. Now this same word has turned into a thought that stays in your mind as a cognitive conflict, as a bias, and taints every action of your life. The person who spoke diffidently is freed from his hidden burden meanwhile you rot in your own shadows. Coming to the main gist. One way is to let the person know that they should have nothing to do with you. As simple as that. Mind your own business Be in your own lane Keep to yourself Don't want your negativity If someone truly wants to be left alone, they should start with themselves first. They should first leave you alone in order for you to leave them alone. For example in this video, the black guy cannot leave the woman alone unless she leaves him alone first. If she didn't like his presence, her best bet is to simply let him be what he is and mind her own business. I like how he says "what is really free is minding your own business." How some slavish people increase your stakes for good behavior. There are instances where you see people from your own culture licking the asses of other races for the sake of approval. They are similar to white knights, only the role is reversed. They go to extreme lengths in order to seek the approval of others. They engage in extremely nice behavior where they even put up with abuse, turn the other cheek and act extremely selfish. This raises stakes for you. It makes your behavior look very unfriendly in contrast. For example someone could say to me "Babs /Preety, you're not as friendly as the other Indian woman." This poses a problem. Because all you're doing is just normal self respecting behavior. Yet, someone from your own culture has raised the stakes for you. You now have to display the same level of friendliness at the expense of your self respect just so to avoid being called "unfriendly." That's what I will call the politics of racism. You have to act friendly even when you genuinely don't want to just so you can pass the bar set for you by another person from your culture. Racism is a problem of collective ego and politics. Why talking about racism is not victim playing or sympathy seeking. When someone openly talks about racism, they are not playing victim To squash their voicing their feelings as victim playing is nothing but psychological invalidation. All you achieve is nothing. You disrupt the dialogue. You deny a person their right to express their mind. You invalidate their feelings by negating their feelings or emotion and placing your biased projections on their genuine expression. In other words you are victim shaming. You are not a part of the solution, but a part of the problem. As long as you haven't been on the receiving end of racism, you probably should not have the right to say if someone is pulling a victim card. And you should do that when you see a genuine reason why that person is playing victim, a case where the person is using racism to simply earn a leverage for themselves and if in reality this person never faced any racism at your end.

Images of racism For some reason George Floyd has highlighted racism throughout the globe, throughout the world. It has echoed a common sentiment experienced by the whole world For some reason, suddenly the whole world can relate to how George Floyd felt in his dying moments. I wouldn't have thought so much about racism a couple of months ago. And suddenly with the George Floyd protests, racism has become a hot topic and also uncovered some feelings that I never allowed to surface otherwise This incident, this single incident has inflamed the world, something very unexpected and unprecedented in human history. It's like suddenly all the walls are crying out. I know that a lot of this has to do with social media. But I still feel that this is a strange mystery. Why the death had to happen the way it happened. Maybe there are deeper synchronicities at work.

Dealing with racism and bias spiritually Imagining that someone or anyone will stop being racist to you is nothing but utopia It's almost like hoping that rapes will never happen. You need to have some basic wit. It's absolutely possible for someone to be racist to you. Anytime anywhere anyone. What you do with it is up to you. If the racism is causing you to lose an opportunity, you can obviously take legal action. But sometimes racism is more about mentality and attitude and less about rights and discrimination.. So for example if someone doesn't invite you for dinner or doesn't want to share some space with you yet they are friendly with people of their own race, but when it comes to you they make faces or intentionally ignore you and deep down you know the reason why everyone of the same group is giving you the same treatment to you and others belonging to your race, then you know that you are being separated on purpose. This is something you cannot take to court. In such cases, you need to take a spiritual approach to racism. Racism is a pervasive problem like rabies. Thanks to interracial relationships, marriages and biracial kids, some stigma associated with certain races can now be rid of. A slow desensitization and destigmastization is gradually happening. I liken this to the gay stigma Era of the 1970s and 80s when it was hard to be gay and a lot of stigma surrounded it. It also reminds me of a favorite song of mine around this same topic. But today we have achieved a brilliant turnover for the LGBT community. We have come far and they have much more acceptance today than compared to the 80s decade. Humanity makes progress. I'm trying to find emotional and spiritual ways to deal with racism that I myself encountered numerous times in my life. The reason is that I don't want to be stuck in the physical reality of things. I want to progress to the spiritual. Dealing with racism in physical ways like protesting, making laws, constitutional amends can only go so far. The real question is how do you get rid of hate. If someone just hates you, there's not much that you can do about it. Because they don't like you. They don't actively despise you but they don't appreciate you either. What are you going to do about that.. Let's say you put on your best behavior. You tried being loving and polite. You approached. You let down your egoic guard and approached with openness. And still the person doesn't like you, doesn't want you. What are you going to do. You can't force love.. You can't make someone love you when they don't love you. In December 2018, my cousin came to visit me and she sat with me while I told her about Joseph. I told her how Joseph would say racist things to me. She was working in an American company. I asked her "how are all the people in your company? Are they racist to you?" She kept mum for some time and then proceeded to explain me deeper things. She used to call me Babs. " You see Babs. Everything is not so cut and dry. There's a peacock that takes pride in being a peacock. This peacock doesn't want to mix with a raven. This peacock doesn't wish to talk to a crow or a pigeon. It looks nice and is proud to be who it is. Everyone wants the attention of this peacock. But the peacock could care less. The peacock only wants the company of another peacock and no other. It's okay. No harm, no offense. The peacock is free to be with other peacocks. Here in India I would face so much discrimination while working as a woman. So much office politics by the male colleagues and so much office stress. At least the peacock is not hurting my job even if the peacock doesn't want to mix with me. That's ok. That's how you need to think. " I cried. I wanted my peacock to accept me even if I came from a different culture. I wanted to throw a fit. But I had to deal with the reality. The peacock is a peacock. While I am me.. I wished in that moment the whole world was same and we all weren't born so different.

But you would at least agree that a person who is having a emotional breakdown should be kept off the duty for some time or laid off if they don't get better. Or would you rather want such people to stay on the job and others paying the price for their emotional outbursts. Also let's understand that women are more emotional than men. So hiring women for such jobs as cops and the military is still a controversial point in my mind. Now I'm not about stigmatizing or marginalizing people who want to seek therapy but citizens also reserve the right to question the sanity of public servants who serve them. It's natural to feel a sense of threat or fear when you see an emotionally distraught or mentally unstable person wearing a badge. That's why a lot of the comments under the video are people asking why the woman is still a cop. They are questioning her mental fitness for the job and I think they are being valid in their assertions. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are trying to stigmatize her. They are just common folks showing legitimate concern for their safety. Of course I support the idea of a supportive working environment. The person can be fired from their active duty and maybe placed in another department where being emotional won't pose a safety threat

Dealing with racism and bias I have learned after exhaustive interactions with people in the last 3 years that being with people is not so much about being friendly with people and trying to win them or please them, if they already have a bias, nothings gonna change what they will eventually think about you, And constantly trying to please people is just a sign of low self esteem. What I have learned is straight up practical wit. Instead of trying to please people, try to protect your ego, this is more than helpful than the former, because in the end it pays more dividend, being friendly doesn't pay. At least you protect yourself from insult being added to your injury. Basically you protect your dignity from being butchered. This will give you a greater emotional dividend in the long run. Been there done that. Basically it spares you a lot of "emotional unwell" I know that I went through a lot of crap. But it also helped me understand how to deal with a lot of crap.

Dealing with racism and bias It's like it's best to have nothing thrown at you instead of negativity thrown at you. And yes I have the right to protect my ego because dignity is all I will have in the end.. This is the only place where I feel a little bit safe. I went through extensive periods of cyber bullying online for just being an Indian woman. I was never able to process that hate. Like why. This happened in 2017 when I was In a chatroom. I went through some brutal bullying from some bunch of American people online.. The stuff they would say to me was unimaginable. One guy told me to get a rope and a chair.. They wouldn't say such things to other fellow Americans.. It's like they had decided that I was their target.. They would ask me ridiculous questions "do you live in dirt? “ Do you eat garbage? " You must be ugly " " go kill yourself " kys was the short form they would use for me. " You're a bloody Indian " " do you hunt men for American visa or green card " Some of the stuff never made any sense. If I ever interacted with an American man, he would instantly think I'm trying to trap him or marry him. It was insane ignorance.. I was just trying to be friendly with people. After experiencing all that, I straight up told Joseph that I don't want anything from him. Nor his money.. Nor his America. Nor any green card Or American visa bullshit. None of it. I only wanted him because I had fallen in love with him. Btw, if I ever wanted an American visa, I could easily have it, all I would need is my family in America sponsoring it for me. That would be instant. My family told me to stay in America and get an American citizenship. But I declined each time.. The reasons are unknown. Maybe when I came back from America I wanted nothing to do with that country anymore. I like Andrew a lot. Coincidentally he happens to be an American as well. (Generally most foreigners to my country are Americans because Americans travel a lot) I told Andrew the same thing. I told him that I will never go to America again.. He kinda understood that I only wanted to live in India forever Gladly he respects my decision to live in India forever. Andrew lives in India. So it good for me. I don't need to go to America again. Americans talk a lot about Hinduism and Buddhism and a lot of eastern culture and how they want to embody it but when it comes to actual interaction with an Eastern person, they can get pretty insensitive. As if they just don't like you. It's strange because then they go around wearing and flaunting your cultural symbols but hesitate to sit next to you. You as an eastern person might feel like an outcast in western culture. Unfortunately most of the people who targeted me online were Americans. Maybe these weren't the best Americans. But I will say that in reality, a lot of Americans are just plain decent people. But sometimes you run into some of these folks online who are like edge lords and keyboard jockeys and bullies.. They are ubiquitous.

Dealing with racism and bias One way of knowing if someone is holding a bias against you is to carefully dissect how they interact with you.. If they never praise you ever. But are always quick to judge you or criticise you even for things that are pretty reasonable and they wouldn't judge another person of their race for having the same opinion as you. They wouldn't criticise them. In fact they will do the opposite. Instead of criticizing them the way they criticise you, they will agree with them. So you see racism and bias is very subtle. You don't understand what someone is saying sarcastically until it dawns on you. And I suck at understanding sarcasm. I come from a culture where people say things directly. So sarcasm is very new for me. The first time Joseph was sarcastic with me, I found it pretty disturbing and disgusting and I told him to drop his sarcasm. Over time he got better and stopped throwing sarcastic darts at me It was kinda emotionally abusive. But it took time for me to figure out just what he was trying to say.

Dealing with racism and bias (I'm just trying to vent and figure out a way to feel better. Please don't think I'm blaming or judging. It's just that I need to throw my feelings and expunge them so that I feel like I threw something out of me... Just to be done with certain chapters and phases of my life psycho-emotionally. I'm going through the racism phase right now. I'm not interested in victimhood and so I won't be going on and on with my racism rant. It's just that certain things need to expressed and vented out so my heart feels better. So the ranting will continue till I feel healed and done with it. And then I can move on once I have thrown that emotional negative energy of resentment out of me for good.) One way to deal with racism is to just let go. Racism is a complicated topic and one needs to be on the receiving end of it to be able to judge someone properly.

My Comprehensive Political Profile. Work in progress..... I will need to watch some presidential debates in order to collect some points to build a profile..

Some of the political focal points that I need to focus on in order to create my own comprehensive political profile. Race and biology Gender Social constructs Leftists Liberalism. Right wingers Immigration Women Jobs and employment Racism. Crime and punishment Police and Law enforcement Evolution, human evolution Legal systems History Environment and climate Population Transgender Animals Religion Cultural and Moral Relativism Technology Democracy and Government. I'm still a bit confused about how to go about with this. Because this is not an easy task. I am still nascent in many of my opinions on all these topics and my my thoughts are not yet well rounded and polished.

This can help me with creating a proper political profile.. In order to create a proper political profile, I need to take some political tests and also be more politically aware. Without proper political awareness, my views could be brainwashed and just based on no information or false information. So I need to first gain some political knowledge and insight to be able to create a wholesome profile or else my profile will be left with many blanks.

I want to create a political profile for myself. I am usually more on the Left side but I also agree with some of the things that Right wingers conservatives have to say. Creating my political profile will take some time. Maybe a full week to compile it together. I'm more balanced. I never believe in extremism..

I know policing is hard work. But do any of you think that this woman should stay a cop? My opinion is an absolute no no. She is emotionally unfit to be a cop. Her mental breakdown means that she can shoot a person out of emotion rather than judgement. I think the same thing happened in Chauvin's because he had been going through some personal tension in his life. I think when police officers show extreme emotions or they are going through some personal crisis, they should be either laid off with some compensation or given temporary break before bringing them on the force. But since this can be costly in terms of paid leave, I think the best idea it to fire them. Cop Betty Shelby having an emotional breakdown during interrogation. Considering the rigors of a police job, if you look into the above cases and examples, it's easy to see that being a cop needs a mentally tough person who is not emotional but reasonable enough to understand human situations. This is tricky. Because most people are either overly emotional or not emotional at all. Now trying to make a distinction here between emotion and empathy. Often these are confused. It's not necessary for an empathetic person to have huge displays of emotions, crying and breaking down. Also the converse is equally true. Just because someone is being all emotional and crying or feeling sensitive doesn't automatically make them empathetic. The situation could be eliciting a temporary emotional response but feeling the sentiment of genuine empathy towards a person is not something as temporary as a 15 min cry. It is different. The gist of my point is that people who are high on emotion should be taken seriously and should not be hired as a cop. Cops need to be empathetic but also reasonable. They should be rational as well as reasonable. I think a cop should have these values.

Eventually everything dies down. And renewal has to begin

@Etherial Cat I don't think they get cleared.

Saw this video yesterday for the first time. Really good one.

Last night I saw Leo in my dream. He was instructing me to do something, even scolding me at times. He was constantly saying to me "why are you getting so emotional over these things. You need to take care of yourself and just be practical. Learn to be practical." There was this person in my life who is like 7 years older to me and is my cousin who constantly keeps instructing and guiding me. Leo was constantly alternating into this person. That was very surprising. Leo was kinda admonishing me like an older brother. When I woke up, I felt better. Thanks Leo, I will take your advice and focus more rather than getting all emotional.