tsuki

I don't know about you specifically @Patrick Lynam, but I noticed that I have bigger urges to masturbate when I'm lonely. This hole in your chest and calling for mommy sound like an unfulfilled need for love. Porn is often a prosthesis for that just like TV is often a prosthesis for human companionship. I recently remembered that I learned to masturbate as a kid when I was waiting after school for my parents to get back home. I'd investigate loneliness if I were you.

Did you know that the term "projection" was invented by Freud, the father of psychoanalysis? This mother/father stuff is the focus of psychology because child development is additive - new layers/functions are built on top of the old ones. If child's needs aren't addressed by the parents, it will learn to satisfy them unconsciously by adopting coping mechanisms that will last a lifetime unless addressed. That is where the sex part comes in - these unconscious behaviors usually come bunched up with sex because it is an "adult" form of love. If you are interested, you could look up Erik Erikson's model of psychosocial development. It looks similar to spiral dynamics.

Hey @Angelite, sorry for not getting back to you sooner. Karma is usually associated with religions of the far East - Buddhism and Hinduism - and is related to the idea that an individual soul traverses various bodies until it attains wisdom/liberation. Each life is a lesson for this soul and is a consequence of how it shaped itself in (or responded to) the lives it went through. The original "seeds" of karma are created along with the universe. In various religions, this karmic process is interpreted on different levels. Some religions view it in a materialistic, objective, way. Some, on the other hand prefer more esoteric views (such as Zen Buddhism) that this is the process by which thoughts arise in consciousness. In Yoga Sutras, it is said that by mediating (satori) upon the "I", the karmic seeds are dissolved and it is possible to attain knowledge of past lives (as siddhi). My personal beliefs about reincarnation hinge upon my understanding of the relationship between intelligence and ego. Ego literally feeds off intelligence and uses it for the purpose of survival. Upon the death of the body, the soul is freed from its biological constraints and perceives the world with unparalleled clarity. The soul then chooses, selflessly, the best possible action and it may result in an incarnation in a body. Lives it lives through, apart from being a chance to act in accordance with love, are a lesson that the soul learns in each cycle. Ultimately, they result in the union with God.

@d0ornokey I can relate to your pain. Seeing other people hurt themselves because they are hurt is just soul-crushing. It's difficult to not give advice when you see it. I've come to understand that offering solutions does not work because coming up with them is actually not all that difficult. People know what they should do in order to be happy, but they don't take their pain and suffering seriously enough to act on it. Helping them get in touch with it, actually live it with them is much better in my experience. Take care.

For the past two days I went totally off the rails. No scheduling, no promises but I kept to my routines. My back started to hurt because I was trying to keep it straight ?. I found a comfortable spot where my muscles aren't strained, but I can walk upright like a proper human ?.

@Rebecca Kalamata Loneliness is the price for breaking every social taboo... to get to what, TRUTH? Hmm? The ego is deceitful precisely because it is fragile and powerless. By not honoring it, you are disposing of your humanity. Maybe that's why you don't fit in, Mrs nympho?

I can't sleep. I went to bed at 7 p.m. and woke up at 2 p.m. Lots of thoughts about reality, God, Christianity, Islam, reincarnation, Hermeticism and my threefold division of experience. I may have to start an insight journal soon to offload them. The social media/music detox is a success in the sense that I'm munching on Wikipedia instead .

I'm not just new to Qran, but also to religion in the common sense in general. I was born and raised atheist. From my limited knowledge, what Christians call "the day of Resurrection" refers to Jesus' second coming during the Apocalypse (but I may be wrong in this matter). Does Qran address the Apocalypse? Who is the person that is resurrected during Qran's day of Resurrection? Does Jesus hold any special place in Islam's analogue of the Holy Trinity? Is there any analogue of it? Is Christ "Word made flesh": an incarnation of Logos that is sent by God to teach humans His ways? Alright, that's clear. How does this relate to reincarnation? Do people get reincarnated as lower forms because they have inflicted hurt on others and have not been forgiven/dealt with? That makes retribution an act of mercy because unless you give your hurt back, you are condemning your enemy to be reincarnated. When does reincarnation of an individual soul stop in Islam? Is it when the soul achieves certain purity through forgiveness ("Higher ranks")? How does forgiveness and purity relate to Jesus? Is he a special person (or God?) in this regard? This picks my interest, tell me more about it. I can see that may relate to the passage that you mentioned ("So We caused among them animosity and hatred until the Day of Resurrection"). What are these two groups? Which among Christians want to kill Jesus?

This is so awesome: To think that these squiggly lines convey meaning is just mind-blowing. ______________________________________________ Here's a link to an article that explains something that bothered me for a long time. Here's more stuff, even more interesting. An excerpt: So, according to Christian doctrine - Christ is both God and man. He is a man born from a mother, but he is also God. He is "not by conversion of the Godhead into flesh; but by assumption of the Manhood into God.". His function, purpose makes him God - a pathway to God, salvation. for other humans. Nope??? There seems to be a difference between Christ and Jesus? I wonder what the "unity of Person" means. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ousia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godhead_in_Christianity

Was the "portion of that of which they were reminded" ever mentioned in Qran? Or is it that according to Qran, Christians are bound to wait until the Day of Resurrection to learn what they forgot? Is the Qran's Day of Resurrection the same as the one mentioned in the Bible? I'm having trouble understanding the underlined sentence. The prophets who submitted to Allah judged by it for the Jews, <~ that is clear as did the rabbis and scholars by that with which they were entrusted of the Scripture of Allah, and they were witnesses thereto. <~ ??? The above sentence is split in two as if prophets did something different from rabbis and scholars. The contents of the sentence however, seem as if they did the same thing - they judged for the Jews according to Torah, which is a part of the Scripture of Allah. So, the whole first paragraph seems as if Allah is saying that one should not fear the judges (prophets, rabbis and scholars), but Him. That is because the Torah is only a part of Scripture of Allah that is for the Jews, specifically? This is also not clear to me. If I am giving up my right for retribution, then is that: an expiation for me? or is it an expiation for the person that had hurt me? These two interpretations give a very different pictures of what a sin is. From the POV of the scripture - yes, the Christian Bible contains the Old testament. Jews, however, reject Christ as their prophet, so no - Christians are not Jews. Here's an article that I haven't read. That is very interesting. I have a difficult case of a hard heart .

I wouldn't mind your synchronicities. To be frank, I don't have much of an idea about how this journal is supposed to look, so feel free to share what you want.

-------- To be continued --------

Today I promise to: Go to bed at 9 p.m. Prepare food for tomorrow. Read the Bible. Stick to my routines (body care and shopping). Start social media + youtube + music detox. I decided for the detox because: I bought noise cancelling headphones for silence and I'm blasting my ears off with music instead. I exhausted the enjoyment of my playlists and need some time off. I'll listen to forest sounds instead. I read an article about internet addiction and realized that I use social media as a distraction from my feelings. I'm following a few valuable feeds on facebook that deal with psychotherapy and post interesting/inspiring quotes, but that's about the value that I'm getting. I want to somehow squeeze more reading into my life instead, but I find it difficult. The problem lies in mobility because the books that I'm currently engaged with: require my full attention, or are written in Polish, so I can't use my kindle. Youtube is such a huge time sink for me. I think I'm through with educational material there, it's too shallow and unfocused for me for the time being. Instead of looking for it, I fall into a rabit-hole of cat videos, anime fights and dancing. The last part is getting me aroused and I'm squirming for porn/masturbation so it is feeding my addiction needlessly. I will start with a week-long detox and will keep re-evaluating my progress. I already hid youtube and uninstalled facebook on my phone a few days ago and it's been a success. I may sneak some cheat hours in when I can check things up because I'm an admin of 2 facebook groups. ________________________________________________ I really admire the way in which my wife is handling her cooking. She's so creative with it that she can stock up on raw materials for a few days and just use them as needed. When I'm going to the mall, I have a mental stock of recipes and I'm trying to match the contents of the shelves with what I can cook. Having a supply of materials handy would be such a time saver. Today I will buy some random vegetables and try that as well.

----- Routine streak ----- Shopping after work : 5 Body care (2x) : 1 Body care routine consists of: shower, eating and stretching. I do this twice a day, after waking up and after getting home from work. I'm considering social media + youtube + music detox.

Either you have never come into contact with a genuine victim, or you are in denial of your own suffering and pretending to be above it. Grow up.

@Zigzag Idiot How long do the effects of a professional massage last for you? I am indeed taking hot showers after coming home from work, but I never thought that they are of help here. Thank you for this link. I'm currently using a rubber ball that I bought at a pet shop to massage my back against the wall. I can massage myself by pressing one side of my neck against the ball and providing pressure with a hand from the front. It feels totally awesome.

The promise list is ranked by priority. Today, I promise to: Go to bed at 8 p.m. This is critically important. Journal about my feelings and (or) read the Bible. Stretch my neck. Do the laundry. Zero youtube and social media today. I'm also having a tango lesson today. I hope that we will be able to attend it. My wife has a rough day because she's reading a book on codependency and feels awful. Nope, no tango for me today. Bible, here I come! I will be implementing habits starting from today. The first one is doing the shopping right after work. I switched the bag that I used for a shopping bag to avoid spending money at the mall. I've been able to shop consistently after work ever since I started this journal. I've been tracking my sleep, stress and energy levels with Garmin Vivosmart 4 for the past couple of weeks and I can see that I'm tired. I've been unable to regain my baseline level of energy for the past few days and I can feel it. I had a few cups of coffee over the past week and it may be the cause. The top priority today is going to bed at 8 p.m. and getting solid rest. I really want to read the Bible, but my bodily needs are #1 priority.

I agree with you, but I often phrase it differently. Instead of speed, I usually think in terms of stacks, or priority of processing. From my observations, the order of processing is as follows: Sensing (the source of stimuli) Feeling Intuition Thinking When a stimulus occurs and one of the centers is "responsible" for handling it, then it is not passed down, or registered, by next levels. I'm leaving this random remark because I remember one of our conversations about it.

Two days ago, I was pondering a mental phenomenon accompanying basic self-care. On one hand, I'm pressuring myself to do something, and on the other hand I feel frozen, avoiding and postponing. Then, I realized that this is a double bind and they often result from emotional violence. My parents never took time to teach me how to clean, cook and take care of myself. First, everything was taken care of for me and at some point they decided that I'm old enough to help and started pressuring me into it. They did not understand why I'm avoiding it and living in mess. They criticized me for not being precise enough with my cleaning and not doing it the right way. This critical voice is still with me to this day. I no longer need you my friend, you're free to go. I'll take it from here myself. I will teach it to myself and will be supportive of my inner child.

I just want to cry, but I can't. Why can't I cry when I feel hurt? Please, give me back my pain I don't want to repress it any longer.

In the Book of Deuteronomy, when Moses is getting ready to die and repeats the Law before all sons of Israel, he makes a BIG point to not make any statues that depict God. Not using God's name in vain is also a big thing in Christianity and God the Father revealed His name only to Moses (not to Noah, or Abraham). I think that is because you are not supposed to reason, or imagine how God works or make Him into some common object to be found in the world. I do not think that it implies that you should not try to understand Him though. I mean that in the sense that he is a certain way and you should know which way. As for "sitting in the clouds with a big grey beard" - it seems to me that the Holy trinity so far is that: Father is an objective, third-person manifestation of God. He manifests as a person, as a pillar of fire, or a pillar of clouds, etc and is perceivable by multiple observers. That is what happened at mount Sinai and on multiple other places. Holy Spirit is a subjective, first-person manifestation of God that is revealed to prophets. It grants the ability to perform miracles, prophesise and so forth. Son is, well... I don't know yet. Supposedly he is the God-Man. I'm still too early into the text to understand that. What intrigues me is that when you perform the Trinitian formula, Son is opposed to Father and "joined" through Holy Spirit in the Cross gesture. That really speaks to me for some reason but it may be my personal bias.

Yesterday I found a new passion for reading the Bible and made significant progress. I have no idea how someone could read that book and get an idea that we should install theocracy. Today, I promise to: Dedicate time to journal about how I feel. Buy and prepare food for tomorrow. Stretch my neck. Read before going to bed. Go to bed at 9 p.m. or earlier. Do the laundry, maybe? I'm still behind my sleep schedule because me and my wife were socializing yesterday. We met some absolutely wonderful people. I'm very excited because I want to make friends with them and that does not happen too often.

The Book of Ruth is based on the law that I quoted. It's a short book, but I found it to be very touching.

Lots of doubts about starting this journal. I've been spending way too much time in here instead of taking action and changing my life. Now I understand the importance of purpose and how it ties into my neurosis. I want to take action. I want to know myself, to know my authentic needs and desires. I want my own boundaries and I want to respect the boundaries of others. I want to find my purpose and I want to live despite the fear. I want to drop the mind-armor and I want to be vulnerable. I want to be more empathetic. This all ties together and I'm afraid of losing the grip of action in favor of wanting to construct a mental system out of it. I am a sex-addicted narcissist. I am a sadistic, scared, boy. I distract myself by hurting the ones that love me. I am an energetic vampire. I belittle the dreams and hopes of others because I lack the courage to find my own. For the 30 years of my life, I have never lived. I am what the world made of me. I want to live. Scheduling: 1 No fap: 1 No coffee: 1 No alcohol: 1

@Angelite I appreciate your insights and would like to discuss them with you, but I want this journal to be focused on self-care. Would you like to participate in a shared journal where we would discuss the Bible and Qran?