tsuki

----- Routine streak ----- Shopping after work : 5 Body care (2x) : 1 Body care routine consists of: shower, eating and stretching. I do this twice a day, after waking up and after getting home from work. I'm considering social media + youtube + music detox.

Either you have never come into contact with a genuine victim, or you are in denial of your own suffering and pretending to be above it. Grow up.

@Zigzag Idiot How long do the effects of a professional massage last for you? I am indeed taking hot showers after coming home from work, but I never thought that they are of help here. Thank you for this link. I'm currently using a rubber ball that I bought at a pet shop to massage my back against the wall. I can massage myself by pressing one side of my neck against the ball and providing pressure with a hand from the front. It feels totally awesome.

The promise list is ranked by priority. Today, I promise to: Go to bed at 8 p.m. This is critically important. Journal about my feelings and (or) read the Bible. Stretch my neck. Do the laundry. Zero youtube and social media today. I'm also having a tango lesson today. I hope that we will be able to attend it. My wife has a rough day because she's reading a book on codependency and feels awful. Nope, no tango for me today. Bible, here I come! I will be implementing habits starting from today. The first one is doing the shopping right after work. I switched the bag that I used for a shopping bag to avoid spending money at the mall. I've been able to shop consistently after work ever since I started this journal. I've been tracking my sleep, stress and energy levels with Garmin Vivosmart 4 for the past couple of weeks and I can see that I'm tired. I've been unable to regain my baseline level of energy for the past few days and I can feel it. I had a few cups of coffee over the past week and it may be the cause. The top priority today is going to bed at 8 p.m. and getting solid rest. I really want to read the Bible, but my bodily needs are #1 priority.

I agree with you, but I often phrase it differently. Instead of speed, I usually think in terms of stacks, or priority of processing. From my observations, the order of processing is as follows: Sensing (the source of stimuli) Feeling Intuition Thinking When a stimulus occurs and one of the centers is "responsible" for handling it, then it is not passed down, or registered, by next levels. I'm leaving this random remark because I remember one of our conversations about it.

Two days ago, I was pondering a mental phenomenon accompanying basic self-care. On one hand, I'm pressuring myself to do something, and on the other hand I feel frozen, avoiding and postponing. Then, I realized that this is a double bind and they often result from emotional violence. My parents never took time to teach me how to clean, cook and take care of myself. First, everything was taken care of for me and at some point they decided that I'm old enough to help and started pressuring me into it. They did not understand why I'm avoiding it and living in mess. They criticized me for not being precise enough with my cleaning and not doing it the right way. This critical voice is still with me to this day. I no longer need you my friend, you're free to go. I'll take it from here myself. I will teach it to myself and will be supportive of my inner child.

I just want to cry, but I can't. Why can't I cry when I feel hurt? Please, give me back my pain I don't want to repress it any longer.

In the Book of Deuteronomy, when Moses is getting ready to die and repeats the Law before all sons of Israel, he makes a BIG point to not make any statues that depict God. Not using God's name in vain is also a big thing in Christianity and God the Father revealed His name only to Moses (not to Noah, or Abraham). I think that is because you are not supposed to reason, or imagine how God works or make Him into some common object to be found in the world. I do not think that it implies that you should not try to understand Him though. I mean that in the sense that he is a certain way and you should know which way. As for "sitting in the clouds with a big grey beard" - it seems to me that the Holy trinity so far is that: Father is an objective, third-person manifestation of God. He manifests as a person, as a pillar of fire, or a pillar of clouds, etc and is perceivable by multiple observers. That is what happened at mount Sinai and on multiple other places. Holy Spirit is a subjective, first-person manifestation of God that is revealed to prophets. It grants the ability to perform miracles, prophesise and so forth. Son is, well... I don't know yet. Supposedly he is the God-Man. I'm still too early into the text to understand that. What intrigues me is that when you perform the Trinitian formula, Son is opposed to Father and "joined" through Holy Spirit in the Cross gesture. That really speaks to me for some reason but it may be my personal bias.

Yesterday I found a new passion for reading the Bible and made significant progress. I have no idea how someone could read that book and get an idea that we should install theocracy. Today, I promise to: Dedicate time to journal about how I feel. Buy and prepare food for tomorrow. Stretch my neck. Read before going to bed. Go to bed at 9 p.m. or earlier. Do the laundry, maybe? I'm still behind my sleep schedule because me and my wife were socializing yesterday. We met some absolutely wonderful people. I'm very excited because I want to make friends with them and that does not happen too often.

The Book of Ruth is based on the law that I quoted. It's a short book, but I found it to be very touching.

Lots of doubts about starting this journal. I've been spending way too much time in here instead of taking action and changing my life. Now I understand the importance of purpose and how it ties into my neurosis. I want to take action. I want to know myself, to know my authentic needs and desires. I want my own boundaries and I want to respect the boundaries of others. I want to find my purpose and I want to live despite the fear. I want to drop the mind-armor and I want to be vulnerable. I want to be more empathetic. This all ties together and I'm afraid of losing the grip of action in favor of wanting to construct a mental system out of it. I am a sex-addicted narcissist. I am a sadistic, scared, boy. I distract myself by hurting the ones that love me. I am an energetic vampire. I belittle the dreams and hopes of others because I lack the courage to find my own. For the 30 years of my life, I have never lived. I am what the world made of me. I want to live. Scheduling: 1 No fap: 1 No coffee: 1 No alcohol: 1

@Angelite I appreciate your insights and would like to discuss them with you, but I want this journal to be focused on self-care. Would you like to participate in a shared journal where we would discuss the Bible and Qran?

I'm reading the Catholic Bible in Polish, my native language. The translation is called "The Bible of the first church". It's a translation of Septuagint and and New Testament from Greek made by Remigiusz Papowski. The translator went for this source because supposedly Christ did not read the Bible in Hebrew, but in Greek and it helps to understand the references he was making.

I'm just 230 pages in, I don't have much to say on this matter for now. I'm anticipating that it is a story of failed covenants between God and humans that culminate in God's incarnation as Christ. I won't claim to understand the reasons why God chooses to interfere with mortals, but it's a very different idea of God from what I'm used to. Imagining God the Father as an entity distinct from humans is, well, difficult. I'm much more keen on viewing him as Truth itself that is revealed to prophets and acted upon. Perhaps, that is why Moses wrote million rules describing the Law and still failed to create the perfect society? God finally killed him for disobedience and chose Jozue instead. What do you think? You seem to have an opinion on God that you're keeping to yourself. I'd very much like to hear it. The therapy session was difficult, but it revealed that my inner critic is kicking my ass too much. I want to be supportive of myself. Unhappy childhood is a bitch. First, you don't get to be happy as a child. Then you develop all sorts of unhealthy coping mechanisms that ruin your relationships. On top of that, you suffer as an adult because of unprocessed emotions and have to face them instead of numbing yourself down with addictions. All of that just to arrive at the point that you should be starting from - peace. FML.

I'm having a small celebration. I feel pressured at work, but I decided to prioritize myself and take care of my emotions. I'm afraid that my new employer will abandon me and I want to sign the papers with him before I file the notice here. I called the new employer and the secretary apologized and promised that they will send the papers via email by Monday. I feel better. I also took time to stretch my neck a little. I'm developing an automassage routine that feels really good.

I'm sorry that this is how it seems to you. This is not true in general and I wish you a hasty recovery. While there certainly are people that want to exploit you deliberately, this is not the case for all of humanity. Normally, by trusting their emotions, a person would be able to navigate away from those people, but it seems like you can't tell the difference. Try researching trauma and childhood abuse. They are often linked with drug addiction.

Black Swan Moonlight Green Book Glass Castle Captain Fantastic Pay it back K-PAX Vanilla sky

Promises kept: converse with my inner child through the diary, * buy my own food and prepare it for tomorrow, go to bed at 9 p.m. and wake up at 5:30 a.m. as usual, * stretch my stiff neck, read the Bible. * * - Instead of journaling and reading the Bible, I decided that reading Homecoming by John Bradshaw was more beneficial. I want to know more about his method and do the exercises. I also spent some time with my wife and went to bed at 9:30. I forgot to pray in the evening. Today, I promise to: Do the laundry, Buy food and prepare a salad for tomorrow Ask my therapist whether doing exercises from the book will not interfere with my therapy, Ask my therapist whether LSD will not interfere with my therapy, Stretch my stiff neck, Read Homecoming and the Bible. Spend less time on Youtube. Go to bed at 9 p.m. The schedule will be packed today because I have a therapy session. This is totally awesome: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson's_stages_of_psychosocial_development Homecoming is a manual of reclaiming arrested development at various stages according to this model.

Are you a patient of the rehab, or are you an employee? Contemplate if this is actually true. If you feel that they treat you unjustly, then you should be allowed to express it. Healthy people want you to stand up for yourself and protect yourself from injustice, even if they inflict it. If it is actually the case that they will punish you simply for standing up for yourself, then they are abusing you and you should leave. Of course, the details are important here. What do you do when you stand up for yourself? Are you trying to dominate others, or are you expressing your feelings? Do you know the difference between these two? If you feel that resolving conflicts requires you to either dominate someone, or submit to them, then that is a sign of boundary issues. Healthy boundaries are flexible and subject to negotiation. They are a prerequisite for authentic relationships.

Why do I choose to make self-care my #1 priority? Because I feel abandoned when I rely on others to fulfill my needs, and they fail to meet my expectations. Abandonment is my trigger for regression. When I regress, I become a hurt 5-year old in 30-year old's body. In that state, I'm incapable of distancing myself from my hurt feelings and I express them freely. I become controlling, demanding, insensitive and vindictive. Worst of all, I can't think straight and take care of my needs even when I'm perfectly capable of fulfilling them otherwise. This creates a toxic loop in my marriage because my wife is codependent. I don't know her triggers exactly, but it has a lot do with her parents' divorce and they fire when she's threatened. She drops all boundaries when she regresses and does what she is told. She feels threatened a lot because there is a big difference between our earnings and I own the place. When she drops her boundaries, she's still angry when they are being breached, but she internalizes it. This internalized anger turns into guilt, resentment and self-criticism that do not get expressed until they explode. I have to grow up, take ownership of my needs and establish a trusting bond between my grown, capable self and my young, needing self. Needless reliance on others is a form of self-betrayal and retraumatization.

Starting from tomorrow, I will stop relying on my wife for cooking and laundry. I dump my responsibilities onto her and resent her for not meeting my expectations. Today, I promise to: converse with my inner child through the diary, buy my own food and prepare it for tomorrow, go to bed at 9 p.m. and wake up at 5:30 a.m. as usual, stretch my stiff neck, read the Bible. Today, I slept only 5,5 hrs and drank coffee in the morning to make up for it. I should probably go to bed even earlier to return to my sleep schedule. https://www.btod.com/blog/reasons-neck-pain-computer/ https://www.btod.com/blog/2017/01/12/12-excellent-stretches-to-improve-back-pain-at-your-desk/ https://www.btod.com/blog/2017/01/26/the-importance-of-the-neutral-reach-zone/ That is exactly the type of pain I'm experiencing. I reduced the height of my desk by 45mm and my shoulders feel better.

Wtf? This sounds way more absurd in Polish.

@tenta I am not justifying hierarchies. They are not designed to be fair. What I am saying is simply that hierarchies are a tool that multiplies personal power. I was under the impression that your argument relied on the assumption that personal power is irrelevant to hierarchies. I disagree with that part. What I believe is that problems with hierarchies are a consequence of populating them with wrong people. I haven't studied enough examples to draw conclusions on a systemic level to say that all hierarchies are bad/good.

It's nonsense. Throw this quote away. I can't help you let go of this story. You are feeding my narcissistic tendencies. I can't have a follower ready to praise me.

Yes, a corrupt policeman can get you beaten up and get away with it because he is a part of the hierarchy. That does not imply that all of the policeman's power come from it. Being in a hierarchy multiplies the personal power you exhibit (for good or bad purposes). Imagine a disabled policeman that has muscle atrophy and can't swing a baton. He would not be able to capture you, or perform his duties and the power that is granted to him by the hierarchy would lie dormant. You are not merely what you believe about yourself. Hierarchies are not merely what societies believe them to be. I'm sorry, but I don't understand the relevance of this part.