tsuki

I can't count how many times I cried to this song. Probably well over 50. I was wondering about the vibrational frequency of crying and how sadness and healing are alike in this respect. Sadness is very low on the scale and that does not fit with healing, like AT ALL. That is because healing has the frequency of appreciation, freedom and love. This whole association of sadness and crying is so fucking false that I can't even wrap my head around how this could have gotten any more confused. When I cry, I RELEASE MYSELF from the state I'm in! Anyways, I appreciate @Nahm's help so much. I am so grateful for having emotions, for the inner compass of truth. I am also grateful for this Universe, in which what feels right, is true. I could not have imagined it to be any better. It is truly Heaven on Earth, a place where all wishes are granted.

The real irony is that a hardcore flat earther would look at the sphere and say: See? I told you! It looks like a disk!

Alright, that's quite difficult for me right now. I guess that I don't accept the lower vibrational states right now and I can't be at peace when she's pissed/walled off, etc. Just looking at her when she's like that is difficult sometimes, but at least I'm eager to crack a smile. I noticed that can't even accept my own low vibrations for themselves. I can stomach their existence as means to orient myself in the frequency scale and rise, but I don't enjoy them for their own sake. Maybe if I think of them as signs of healing, perhaps, but even that doesn't work for me. And what if we do our "I" in the vicinity of each other and we interfere with each other's stuff? Do I use that as an opportunity to work with my thoughts on the fly, or do I disengage and do "me" somewhere else? I like that, a lot. "You can't pretend you are responsible for her resonance" is a very good description. So, maybe I should focus on the fact that she's having her own resonance instead of focusing on her misalignment? That does feel better actually, thank you.

Looks like you're resisting your feelings of insecurity. I have that too, can't stand being low on the emotional scale. Supposedly, fear, insecurity, jealousy, hatred and anger are all love, but I don't feel that. I can kind of see that they are simply saying that I'm far away from being myself, so I'm being lovingly guided back to alignment. My lack of acceptance of these emotions seems like trying to be something other than myself I guess, trying to take the steering wheel and become a different person, in accordance with my shoulds. It's like I already want to be there, complete, but not accepting directions from anybody, even myself. You do realize that the difference between the child that is being rewarded and the child that is entitled is entirely of your own making? Not to lecture you on raising your kids, just trying to get back to depriving yourself of contact and throwing it down the trash when you're feeling insecure.

Is this happening right now, or are you imagining things about future? Does this worry help you stay aligned right now, or are you afraid of losing alignment in the future? How does "being aligned in the future" even work? Have you ever been aligned in the future? Notice that when you were projecting full force, you were aligned as fuck, in stark contrast to when you were judging yourself for doing it later. Please write something more about "emotional support". Does it not feel good when she hugs you and tells you that everything is going to be okay? What other support do you need to distract yourself from the self-harm that your mind is doing by judging itself? You seem to want to be completely independent of others, as if others existed in the first place. You are consoling yourself when you ask your mother for consolation, it's YOUR decision to go there! All of that is a thought story. Here's an all-caps for you cause I know you love them: OH LORD, MY GOD, PLEASE LET ME NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE EVER AGAIN BECAUSE MISTAKES ARE OBJECTIVE FACTS AND NOT ME, JUDGING MY PAST SELF FROM A WISER PERSPECTIVE THAT I INHABIT RIGHT NOW. I PROMISE THAT I WILL JUDGE MYSELF FOR THIS FOR WEEKS, SO PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE PROTECT ME FROM MISTAKES SO THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE TO INFLICT HURT UNTO MYSELF AS A PUNISHMENT EVER AGAIN! I AM HURTING MYSELF RIGHT NOW TO FEEL GOOD LATER AND I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU, GOD, MY LION, MY TRUE SELF, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE THE ONLY RELATIONSHIP I CAN HAVE, SO I WILL RIP MY HEART OPEN AND GIVE IT TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE SOOOOO MERCIFUL THAT YOU WANT ME TO SUFFER. Fuck, I had so much fun writing this, I hope that it shows.

It seems to me like what really doesn't feel good is the self-judgement coming with the thought: and projections themselves are completely innocent and spontaneous. That judging thought is not vibrating with love, but rather - irritation, impatience, or high expectation. It's no wonder it doesn't feel good. Instead of asking "how can I stop projecting onto others?", a better question would be "how to stop projecting expectations onto myself?". Can you see time in that thought?

@mandyjw I acknowledge that you care deeply about your shadows, but have you ever met one outside of your thought stories about how the world/you works? How does the shadow hunt make you feel?

@Gnosis They were! So filling too! Couldn't finish them in one go! @Nahm I have a few more questions for you. I was wondering about the beliefs and the emotional ladder. So far I can see that by working my way up to love, I am changing my beliefs about something that distresses me. Let's take the particular case that I'm working on: my wife has a low mood, gets pissed quite easily in my company but acknowledges that it's "her stuff" and keeps it bottled in to resolve on her own. I obviously don't want to push her to talk, so my only option is to learn to enjoy it somehow . My question is about the method. Should I take the: active approach, where I change the thought story about her mood until the feeling gets higher on the emotional scale, or passive approach, where I change the focus of the story away from her mood until I find something that I love about her (like the way she smiles for example)? Also, I'm wondering about the attraction of frequencies. Let's say that I'm feeling great, joyful, etc, but my wife isn't. I can feel it and it kind of drags me down along with her. Is it possible that we're influencing each other's frequencies by mere presence, or am I making excuses and blaming her within my own perspective? Why is she dragging me down rather than me bringing her up? When I'm responding to her troubles by inviting her to a higher emotional state, she does not take the offer and prefers to stay there. Am I just focusing on her negativity and that's what's keeping her locked in?

I'm just climbing the emotional ladder with respect to my beliefs about my wife's "bad mood". I'm at faith atm and I'm trying to get enthusiastic about it . I just can't work myself up there, I have no thoughts that can help me to build the story lol. Never been enthusiastic about someone's anger before . Any tips?

Mmmm, bean muffins, made by my wife. She's such a good cook when she's riding the rainbow ?♥️.

Dude, that is THE holy fucking grail of emotional work I've been looking for YEARS. Thank you so much! Does it always have to be on paper, or will I be able to just zip right through it on the fly at some point? What I've been doing so far is writing how I feel and observing how that very thought that I'm writing is creating that emotion. It all boils down to judgement, like you've been saying. It is either spatial separation between "me" and "something else" and attributing that emotion to that thing over there, or temporal judgement where this whole situation is wrong and it will be wrong in the future if I don't change. When I see this, the emotion vanishes and I feel peaceful and collected. I was afraid yesterday that my anger will keep me from falling asleep and thanks to you/me, I was able to go to sleep peacefully. Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? I feel amazing, empowered, energeric, so I'm guessing yes. I do appreciate your description and the scale though. I will work on that when I'm lower on the emotional scale (this is a judgement, huh?). It seems like all of these emotions on the scale are actually love, but this love is covered up with thought stories/delusion to create all the other feelings all the way down to fear. Is this description accurate? Let me ask you one more thing, about the attraction thing. So, I attract things that are in line with my own emotional state, "frequency". If I keep being up the scale, all the goodies will just naturally come to me? Is this how paradigm lock works? Not that people are stupid or something, but they are literally influencing reality with their minds, their emotional states, and creating stories about that to prove that they are right? How does LOA work, exactly? Why was I attracted to you (all the way from jealousy to boredom lol)? Am I creating falsehood by using that scale to measure people like that? Am I "explaining" things again?

I am resisting my anger. SO much resistance, so much avoiding, so much manipulation of myself and of my circumstances. It's that simple, just look HOW you create that anger. Write it down and see. Stop thinking, start writing. It all boils down to self/other and past/future.

As I was reading the first paragraph, it stuck me that it is like an instruction manual for inspecting beliefs. So I tried that, asking myself, what's preventing me from loving the cleaning? It is the belief that if I don't hold my wife accountable for her mess, she will keep doing it. On a deeper level, it is the belief that we inhabit the objective space, as bodies, brains etc, and that there is a momentum, tendency, to do things. It's like I assume that we're both asleep, mostly mechanic, and that if I don't "nudge" her in the right direction, she will not change (to my liking <~ that is a judgement). Anyways, something clicked with me and it seems like you're suggesting that feeling is the criterion for validity of thoughts. I don't feel good, then it means that I'm lying to myself and creating my circumstances by reacting to my thoughts. So, I sat with my anger and wrote: Then, I cried for few minutes because I understood the lie. I'm indeed fragmenting myself and judging these fragments, blaming them for "my" misery. When I understood this, thoughts stopped for a few minutes and my anger is gone. I feel good. It's not that thoughts are separate from feelings. If I feel bad, there are thoughts "pending" that are untruthful. Are they the feelings themselves? How does this work? This is what I was resisting. She has used google translate before to read this forum and it does not do a good job translating to Polish. I had to explain it and she rejected it. I stomached it and wrote: I'm not angry because she did something. I'm angry because I created distance between us and judged her and in doing that, judged myself. That is what I'm angry about. I need to stop explaining things. It's counter-productive.

Impatience.

This post was an analysis and it's gone.

@Nahm this description is spot on, even talking only on my behalf and the 100 lbs armor part. I will read on the need to be understood.

@DrewNows So, what would have been the right behavior on your part? Talk with her about your insecurities, about what you think of her occupation? Introspect in private, acknowledge what baggage you bring into the relationship and leave if it's too much to care of at once? @Nahm Please share your thoughts. This is completely mind-boggling for me. There is such a disconnect between what I think of what I'm doing and what the therapist and my wife think of that. It's like I think that I'm doing great, that I'm learning and changing a lot and they're like: nope, you're closeminded and what you're doing has zero effect whatsoever. Then, they're like: ever since we started the therapy, you've been improving until now. What the fuck?

Ignore the anger and move on, clean the kitchen myself. I'm sorry but I will have to hold off for now. I just returned from our couple's therapy session and announced to the therapist that I will seek a different one. I could not get past the fact that he was my wife's therapist and judged him to be biased. I viewed it as a 2 vs 1 situation where 90% of the problems in my marriage is on me. He kept alternating between "respecting my decision" and hammering the point that I'm responsible for the problems, that he is wholly objective and that I will reject all other therapists because I'm a narcissist. He said that I have basically zero self awareness that I'm slowly learning how to feel anything and that I'm a ticking bomb that is waiting to explode.

When I'm writing this text, deliberately, I'm focusing on one word-chunk at a time. The general outline of the sentence and the intention is presented instantaneously and is linearized then, squeezed through, the thought medium. I focus on each word and observe its sincerity, how well it conveys my intent. However, when I'm idling, occupied with something else, the idle chatter is a mush. I am perfectly capable of repeating the Jesus prayer and breathing consciously while listening in a conversation. If I dedicate the time to pray, I am able to think that prayer, breathe consciously and think about the process of the prayer the same time. If I'm unfocused during the prayer, I can also think about something completely different. I can't do that when speaking out loud though, but I can do that while reading. My relationship with thoughts is such that they arise on their own accord and their quality is dependent on how I feel that day. Caffeine, lack of sleep my emotional state, all influence it. I do not intervene in the thought stream too often, unless I see that it is self-destructive. Making my thoughts external, speaking them, is a deliberate choice. She can't speak English, I would have to translate it for her. I understand the intent and agree. I think it's wonderful. This is true, I have observed this in myself. This part is tricky for me. The "wounded child" story comes from our couple's therapist and it definitely relates to the past. However, for me, experientially, it is directed from the present moment towards the future, as in: "I can't keep living like this", "it's too much!" or "if we keep going in this direction, we're gonna crash", etc. I see that these two are connected because the root of this anger is fear and it was instilled in the past. I/the wounded child was abandoned emotionally and this part of me lives in fear and protects itself by swallowing all of the inner space when threatened. When it does, there is no detachment from feelings or thoughts like it is right now. I can relate to the statement "the past is viewed only form the present". However, I must clarify something. When I'm angry, I'm not consciously re-living the past and comparing the present to it. Let's say that I'm getting home from work and my wife has a day off. I'm walking through the door, going to the kitchen to make my dinner and I see that the kitchen is a mess. I'm not thinking "OH MY GOD, she's made such a mess and when I made mess when I was little, I was yelled at" (or something). There's just that: anger. The burning feeling in my gut that I can either swallow and clean the kitchen myself, or go ask my wife to clean her mess and probably hear her passive aggression in return. Yes, I am anticipating her passive aggression and bringing the past into the now, but this anticipation is accurate. She does not like to be reminded of her messiness (which is not my intention btw.). I need to pause for now, I will address the rest of your post later on. Thank you for your time.

That very thought, the part of you that you call "negative", the attitude towards what you deem unacceptable is the lack of self-acceptance. Don't blame that on your lack of authenticity, that self-judgement is of your own making, here and now. You need mindfulness of the present moment to catch these thoughts, observe and re-write them. Ultimately, self-rationalization is a form of justification and that stems from self-rejection. Love yourself, be kind to yourself, like a loving parent is to its child.

I understand and I choose to forgive when I notice that judgement. They are not guilty of not knowing any better. They did the best they could. However, I think that saying that "now is a squeaky clean fresh start" is an oversiplification. The mind has its momentum, the things we chose to let go of tend to come back. Letting go is the freedom of now, its cleanness, but it's the conscious choice to let go that disarms this momentum. I choose to let go whenever I see the opportunity. I was talking about the roots of this momentum, and not judging myself for being damaged somehow. Completely, 100% agree. Even the previous section of my response does. Forgiveness is the action that heals. No, I don't. Not in the conventional sense. People commit acts of (what is conventionally called) evil out of hurt and desperation. Sometimes out of ignorance, not knowing any better. All "evil" is self-inflicted harm. I do believe that anger is a short-term solution that kicks me in the ass in long-term. I do not know when it is appropriate to express it, so I'm bottling it up and arranging my circumstances to avoid it. This flew right over my head. Please write some more about this. Let's say I'm getting frustrated because I'm not getting enough sex from my wife. I feel unwanted, abandoned and overlooked. I blame myself for causing it by being controlling and demanding, not giving my wife space to feel safe. She's overworked and can't relax. My wounded inner child trusts me for some time and lets me take care of my needs, but if I don't, it takes the steering wheel and throws a tantrum. This tantrum is purely destructive because my wife, to get aroused, needs a mature man to feel safe with and not a three year old child to take care of. How does self-judgement come into this if these statements are factual (judgement type 1 as opposed to type 3)? How do I flip the script? That is an awesome practice. I don't know whether I would be able to explain it to my wife. She would perceive this explanation as me trying to control her. Gosh, I wish that were possible. That would be so awesome.

I understand what you mean. "Positive" in the conventional meaning is indeed a feeling. By "positive description" I meant a description that adds concreteness to the subject. For example, this is a progression of positive descriptions (concretizations) in the sense of the word that I intended: This. This is a human. This is a human with one arm and two legs. He is a human with one arm and two legs. Joshua has one arm and two legs. Joshua is a Saudi Arabian carpenter. He lost his arm in an accident. Each of the above descriptions is progressively more "positive" in the sense that it further constrains the imagination and contains the previous sentences. It is a "positive" description as opposed to "negative" description which is neti-neti (not this, not that). In my book, that is a judgement of silence and the most subtle of the three types that I presented in the original progression: I classify concretization ("positive" description) as judgement because it creates meaning by constraining imagination. ________________________________ I understand that and agree. The mind, understood as heart~>intellect pair is directed. The flow of energy is from heart to intellect. This energy, the "~>", that flows between the two is "feeling". Through intellect, feeling bursts into thoughts that are "flavored" in various ways. Some of them are judgmental in your sense of the word. Preferences in this context are the seeds of feelings that reside in our hearts. They are what gives us our individuality, as Love pours through each of us. By aligning our thoughts we have the opportunity to purify our minds of preferences that make us miserable. It really sounds like Karma Yoga to me. I classify preferences as judgement because they constrain Love in its purest form to our specific, individual, expressions of it. In essence, we are self-aware prisms of Love. That is Good. ________________________________ I recognize this to be similar to what Byron Katie is teaching. I always found her style to be confusing, perhaps because I tend to be focused intellectually. Are there any practices to increase my awareness of feelings? Meditation perhaps? Throughout the day I'm very mindful to be present to my body and heart. Unfortunately, I have difficulties recognizing uncomfortable feelings and expressing them in terms of thoughts, making them a conscious part of experience. I also have difficulties with consistency of practices - I tend to leave them when I feel like I don't need them. Inevitably, things go downhill and I pick myself up from there. I would absolutely love to do that. The problem is that I don't know what I want other than peace for the moment. My dreams are so wild that I don't even want to say them out loud. ________________________________ I will address the rest of your reply later today. Thank you for your effort @Nahm.

I've been wondering about you latest video @Leo Gura which was excellent. I actually had flashacks of my trips as I was watching it and felt that my "pure consciousness" knob was turning. I think that this video, apart from its significance to psychonauts, is particularly important because you elucidated your metaphysical understanding of reality with unprecedented clarity. By no means I'm an experienced tripper, but whatever little experience I have with psychedelics (and other practices) confirms what you are presenting. It is also congruent with other sources that I respect. That being said, there are some sticking points that I would like to address to confirm whether I understand your teaching and its agreement with my own conclusions. My impression is that you use terms: infinite mind, consciousness, God and "you" very loosely and interchangeably. While it is true that they point towards the same "thing", I believe that mixing these terms impairs the granularity of your teaching. My understanding of them is following: I agree that reality is "the mind". There is, however, an important distinction to be made. The infinite mind is, what Hermeticists call, THE ALL. It has infinite capacity to imagine and everything exists through it. You rightly claim that the "external, objective reality never existed and is purely a hallucination" and provide examples of why "you can't go through a wall". That is because the infinite mind hallucinates, along with infinitely many other things, the "objective, external reality", the universe, along with a particular body and its brain. "Matter" and "physical interactions" are the rules/constraints of hallucination of the infinite mind. However, that is not the end of the story. This infinite mind imagines things in consciousness, and this very same consciousness "goes through" the brain, that is hallucinated by the infinite mind, to create the finite mind, which is the subjective experience. We derive our will, capacity to imagine and the possibility to create our subjective experience from the infinite mind. That is why, by studying the finite, it is possible to derive deep insights about the infinite. The finite mind is possible because reality is fractal, it is self-similar. This "going through" of consciousness, through the brain, this self-intersection, is the strangeloop we perceive as the "I". It is like a hole that is punched through a piece of paper and that same paper wraps itself through it. The size of that hole is the "pure consciousness knob" you were talking about in the video and it is selfishness/selflessness of the person and the measure of the person's, as you call it, "purity". We, as finite minds, can create such strangeloops ourselves and we're seeing that with the Internet, or videogames. We can "lend" our limited consciousness to entities such as video game characters and create minds that are more constrained than ours. There is no end to this, as we can create computers within computers and so forth. Insight, defined as "direct consciousness of the nature of something" is the opening of the strangeloop, the hole, through which we become one with the object of our contemplation. That is how the correspondence theory of truth is reconciled within this paradigm. We are free to align our inner world with the outer (as perceived as two sides of the consciousness strangeloop). The more open-minded we are, the more impression this unity leaves unto our minds in form of knowledge. The measure of truthfulness of knowledge is its usefulness for survival of our self-concept. This self-concept can be viewed from both ends of the consciousness strangeloop. From the point of view of the finite mind, the self-concept is our imagination of what we are. From the point of view of the infinite mind, our self-concept is our body that it imagines. The latter is constrained and external, but the former, what we think we are, is up to us, as we can influence our minds through the use of will. When we choose to forsake our subjective self-concept through practices, stop imagining what we are, our consciousness matures into non-duality. We become the subjective nothing of the finite mind, in the image of the objective Nothing of the infinite mind. That is the distinction between "I" and "God". It is the difference in levels of self-similarity of reality. So, to sum it up: While it is true that I am God because my existence is wholly grounded in the infinite mind, and ultimately I am the selfless Nothing that is omniscient and omnipotent, I am also not God because I am finite. While it is true that consciousness is one, my finite capacity to tap into it is not the same as that of the infinite mind. I am God, but I am not God. Consciousness is one, but it is two. I wonder what are your thoughts about it @Leo Gura.

"Point" depends on your position on the relative enlightenment scale. "Meaning" or "point" can be understood as the force that drives the dormant mind's mechanicity. It concludes that something is better than some other thing and it takes off, starts to value and pursue it. It is the driving force of psychological time which is the movement of becoming. Intellectuals seek to understand (or rather, to know) because they believe that it will bring them security. When that is seen within oneself, experientially, deliberate becoming dies off with awareness, meaning itself is seen for its meaninglessness. Then, understanding becomes a naturally occurring phenomenon that accompanies expansion of consciousness. There is no "point", or "meaning" to expansion other than Love that is so free that it cannot contain itself. It is realized that it has always been the case, but it appeared to be something else (ie. "I am doing something to learn"). Insights in this sense are Love in the domain of reason.