tsuki

"Function" and "behavior" are knowledge, stories, brought to the table by the ego. Reality, in itself, has no function or behavior. It's pure magic, a miracle. Something out of nothing. That is not a statement expressing my enthusiasm, but a literal description. I agree, but I wouldn't express it in terms of biology. It's a slippery slope. And yet, an ego asks itself how to not be an ego . Exactly my point! That's what I've been asking about. If that is the case, then why do we seek?

Ignorance, ego. Innocence, true self. Are they really two sides of the same coin? @mandyjw

Thank you. It's self image. The 'should have known better' thing. Or maybe deliberate ignoring of something. As if God was really somewhere, ignoring itself. Guilt.

Are you saying that ego is an organism? That doesn't sound right. There are things that exist, but aren't egotistical. Are plants egotistical? If you reduce a plant, via thought, into a mechanical system, then it does indeed seem like its purpose is survival, but that reduction is of your own making. The plant in itself simply is. Reality isn't mechanical - it's intelligent, which is the polar opposite of that. I'd say that things become egotistical when they strive for permanence of their form. This would imply that only self-aware creatures can be egotistical. I'd rather say that the original sin is not distinction, but self-image (knowledge). Even in the Bible, Adam and Eve existed prior to their consumption of the fruit. Adam and Eve are a distinction, and it is a precondition of knowledge. Again, this only makes sense if all there is, is ego. I disagree. When you are immersed in something beautiful, thoughtless, can you spot anything wrong with the thing you're infatuated with?

@Meta-Man If Love, enthusiastic nourishing freedom, is all there is, then ego is inevitable and indispensable. There is no freedom from the ego, as ego itself is an expression of freedom. It is the freedom to hate yourself. Seeking is therefore a completely egotistical pursuit, rooted in self-hate, which reinforces the thing it tries to get rid of. I have one dissonance though. If ego exists merely because it is possible, then why is it so pervasive? Is it because it is so basic, coming into the picture right after the first distinction has been made? Or is the ego distinction itself? It does not seem that way, it is entirely possible to be distinct from someone else and still love them truly. That act would be completely against the ego though. Ego is more like distinction with rejection. One-sided attachment to a pole of otherwise complementary polarity.

Level 6. My current goal is resolving my traumas and shadows regarding level 3. Also, the chart is not related to enlightenment.

Still working with the I Ching. Very helpful for the time being. I'm having trouble getting motivated at work. I completed a stage in my project and have trouble getting motivated to push through to the second. I thought my code was universal enough to use it in the second stage, but I miscalculated. I started watching Avatar the last Airbender. Awesome series to complement I Ching's teachings.

The appeal of Jordan Peterson are tangible answers and the fact that he's not ashamed of selling a meta-narrative in a post-modern world.

The difference between the brain and the mind and how these two interrelate.

♥️

Thank you!

What you seem to be saying is that children are more pure because they can't be deceived by the thinking mind. What I'm saying is that the thinking mind has a purpose apart from mere deception, and this purpose evenly balances the inconvenience. Adults have as much capacity to partake in infinite intelligence as children do. I think we understand each other and it's okay to agree to disagree. All I'm saying is that paradoxically, when things go full circle, we don't end up in the same place because we're different people. This is why I think that children are not enlightened - because they haven't gone through the journey. And yes, I agree that development and enlightenment are relative.

The theory of corruption cannot possibly be true and here's why: If children are "corrupted" by rigorous conditioning, how did the environment become corrupted in the first place? This theory implies that environment is composed of adults which corrupt children because they have been corrupted themselves. All of this is based on corruption that is assumed and never explained in its origin. I never meant to imply that the child is "corrupted" from the inside and becomes the adult. What you call "corruption" is merely a part of natural development that has to go through phases of excess (like overthinking) to bring something into conscious attention (like false use of language and the nature of feeling). The child cannot be conscious of its feelings, what they are, unless it can think about them. A fish cannot know water unless it has experienced air. In terms of this metaphor, enlightenment is seeing oneself as a dolphin. I think that this this is the basic misconception. The child has the purest, most direct connection with its own essence, inner truth, via feelings. The child cannot ever lose that connection, be manipulated into being something else than itself, because the child is that connection. The child never "goes" anywhere, even in the most severe cases of narcissism, or mental illness induced by excessive thinking. In fact, that suffering is experienced through feeling, through the body, and is a clear message that the thinking narrative is false. Of course, this suffering is often blamed onto something external, which is an important mechanism through which the ego sustains itself. Language has this curious property that it can relate back to itself. It creates the possibility of falsity through circular reasoning. It allows us to create paradoxical mental constructs that attempt to extend the lifetime of truth, capture it as "knowledge" that is disconnected from present, from feeling. It's no wonder that it takes us so long to mature, thinking is extraordinarily deceptive. Perceiving hierarchies is a by-product of thinking disconnected from feeling. Every person has a unique, incomparable, truth and its own path. All comparisons are relative to your own self-concept.

Your theory hinges upon the duality between children and adults. Humans never cease to be children - the adult grows "over" the child, in layers. One could even say that it is not the adult who created the armor built of beliefs, assumptions and projections. The adult is made of them and it's the child's doing. The child does it naturally and spontaneously. If you think that the child only becomes 'corrupted' because it has been conditioned by the 'evil society', etc - think again. How did the first corrupted man, in the 'pure society' come about? I'd argue that there was never such a thing and this notion that adults are impure while children are pure (and vice versa) is false altogether. As it is taught by integral theories of human development, our evolution is driven by crises. We become conscious of something that was running amok and we need to own that part of ourselves and harmonize it with our entire being. It is no different for the thinking mind that first is absent, then dominates, and finally is seen through and put into proper context among feeling, intuition and sensing. I do agree, however, that we, as a society, are fetishizing thinking (verbal logic) over feeling and it is the root cause of many of our problems. We are also diminishing the importance of our bodies in favor of minds, which is preposterous, as our bodies are THE source of wisdom.

I spent yesterday afternoon on working with I Ching, the Oracle of the Cosmic Way. I inquired the Sage about my trip and the hexagram I received in the morning warned me against making hasty conclusions about my childhood condition. The Sage informed me that it was caused by a projection* that I placed upon myself during my two childhood accidents. It was caused by feelings of guilt and fear of punishment. I was instructed to perform a meditation to free myself of it and I will keep doing it every day until I receive a "No" using RTCM. Today I woke up rested, but my feet were hurting. * Projections are defined in I Ching as harmful thoughts that create discordant reality. I also asked the Sage how to understand myself more deeply and the hexagram I received encouraged me to ask the questions that intrigue me. So, I asked: Given that the Nature is abundant, why does it allow for false, harmful, use of language? I received hexagram 34, Power with 5th changing line, but RTCM showed that it did not answer this specific question and is related to my father. For now, I can't interpret it clearly.

Pretty destabilized atm. Had a few episodes of mild paranoia where I was questioning whether I was really married, or just deluded myself into believing so to avoid being lonely. Tonight, I woke up with a lot of fear relating to my psychological state, losing grip on reality. I don't remember ever experiencing such a state before. My wife was also having a difficult night, so we had a tea and talked. Strangely enough, our emotional state is intertwined, my wife is also having a lot of psychological turmoil recently. She's having a lot of insights into her unhelpful routines related to binge eating. She's made so much progress ever since she started doing cognitive-behavioral therapy. I'm so proud of her. Anyways, I drew a hexagram in the morning and I got no 58. it was very helpful, I felt forgiven. The Sage consulted me to stop drawing definite conclusions and consult him/her in this respect. I feel compelled to do so. Every trip I took so far was difficult, but I refrained from calling them "bad trips". This time, I feel pretty violated. I don't think I was ready to do 2 trips in 2 weeks. I almost flushed the remainder of my LSD down the toilet tonight. My wife advised me to wait until I feel less emotional. Anyways, I need to ground myself in my routines for the time being, regain my balance.

Alright, I'll try to describe what was happening yesterday, but it's going to be visceral. I started the trip with a question: what should I do to stop judging myself? How do I love myself more? I took the tab (~100ug) and after half an hour went to the restroom. After my previous trip, I was still in the afterglow of my realization that there was such an extraordinary amount of judgement about my ass. Like literally, tons, and tons, and tons, of judgement. How can I ever hope to love myself if there is a part of me that I routinely feel ashamed of, that there is smelly waste leaking out of? And my ass is, well... completely innocent. Then, I went to bed because I was approaching the peak. I felt so much cold in me feet and I realized that this cold is not to be dismissed like I usually do. Usually, I dismiss it as my body having trouble with temperature regulation as a side-effect of taking the drug. This time however, I saw the lack of love. It hit me, like a ton of bricks, that there are MOUNTAINS of judgement stored in my feet. In my youth, I had mobility problems and my parents took me to many hospitals, trying to fix it/help me, but it was never properly diagnosed. Officially, it was said to be JIA, but I never believed it to be the case. Anyway, I started crying. I cried for what felt to be an eternity and my feet desperately needed love, but I could not muster any. I felt so sorry for them and so grateful that they took me so far. I felt guilty for not taking enough care of my body, unworthy of it. It is so infinitely wise, deep, and giving and wants very little in return. My feet were SCREAMING. YELLING. They wanted love. They needed love and I didn't know how to love my feet. Desperate, I took a big bowl, poured some hot water in and started massaging them, crying. I did that until the water went cold and repeated it, with soap this time. I stopped when the water became cold again. I saw just how much of my character was "grounded" in my feet, my stubbornness, resistance, etc. I felt like this was the wound and it hurt SO MUCH that I barely was able to contain myself. In the meantime, I understood that I've been a dumpster for my family's emotional problems that they needed to uphold the illusion of normality. That they were using me as a scapegoat my whole life, just so that they could avoid thinking about their own actions. Right now, I can imagine that I was actually healthy, but in their twisted fucking minds, they found some imperfection in the way I walked and started talking and worrying about it. I wanted connection and love, so what would an abandoned child do to get their parents' attention? Anyway, for the rest of the trip, I was grateful for having a body and DESPERATELY wanting to love it and accept it, exactly as it is. On the other hand, my body was in such pain, such agony, that every fiber of my being, every pore of my skin, every hair in every nook of my body yelled NO! NO! NOOOOO!! So I lied there, unable to move, hovering in vacuum between love and pain, not even caring any more. I was like the embodiment of everything despicable in this world, everything wretched, ugly, and unsightful, and I WANTED TO LOVE THIS MISERABLE CREATURE SO MUCH! AND I COULDN'T MUSTER ANY DROPLET! I WAS COMPLETELY DRY! And every ideology came to save me, Christianity, Leo, Materialism, and I didn't want it, I just wanted to love this hairy little broken creature until I gave in. I took my favorite scapegoat, caffeine, and blamed it onto it. I came across this thread and started listening to Bob Marley. Bob Marley saved me. It's that simple. You just surround yourself with things that make you feel good, and you feel good. I slowly started coming back, being nourished by his music. After some point, I started watching Shrek and watched it for the rest of the day, observing its archetypal structure with my wife. Absolutely brilliant movie about stories, expectations, masculinity and femininity.

LSD trip report #4: don't you fucking ever mix LSD with caffeine. Ever. Remember that Bob Marley is love. I really envy you fuckers that can put up these beautiful trip reports. I'm struggling my ass off to love my ass.

"the sage", "wise", "benevolence", "rectitude", "ingenuity" and "profit" are labels that make us judge things as desirable. When we think of judgement, we usually think of "negative" labels such as "fatty", "fa*", "idiot", etc. Lao tzu asks you to stop judging whatsoever. Remember that "I" is implicit in "you".

For those of you who use spotify, I also found a podcast with him that discusses the animation: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7CUrN6kgz7V3VPqiTElja6

In case you've never seen it:

@Zanoni Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.

It depends on the load that the you-thought used here carry. If "you" implies a human being, then "progress in consciousness" is the ability to perceive reality as it really is. Does such a "you" lose progress if its head is hit with a hammer? Do not confuse states of consciousness for consciousness. You are absolutely infinite and as such, contain your own opposite. You cannot be "stabilized" into any particular form or shape. You are what you are. Love it.

We watched Phoebe in Wonderland yesterday. It's a fantastic movie about children and childhood. I highly recommend it.