tsuki

Ahhh, you gotta tell me that. My wife is curious!

You know what's sexy about the sexy people? It's not that the physical appearance of their bodies is somehow superior. It's that there is no difference between what they do to their bodies and how those bodies look. They make themselves into a commodity for you to enjoy. That's what they are. They are spending hundreds of hours on the gym, singing lessons, sunbathing, partying and so on. It's easy to say that they're stupid and that they are hurting themselves, but can you really look this happy if you're not? What if they know exactly what they are doing? Doesn't that make it 100% more sexy? What if they are like: you know what? Fuck it, I'm going to enjoy myself while I'm young and I'm willing to be irrelevant when I'm old. By disrespecting their choice and not enjoying them, you are literally wasting their youth and dehumanizing them. You know what's sexy about the unsexy people? That you are a nobody and you still want it and you still strive for it. If you are confident enough to get it, then it means that you deserve it.

Also, my wife points out that free will is a terribly Christian idea related to sin and personal responsibility.

Hey man, I'm glad you came by! Awesome! I think that Hicks is not a dumb woman at all. I don't think that she's lying either. I just never found a way to connect her teachings with my everyday experience until you told me what the vortex is. If I understand the vortex correctly, then there is no way to leave it. Free will is an illusion and as such - it does not exist and has never existed. It's a mistaken belief. To try to get into the vortex is a mistake. It's like you imagined yourself to be a parrot your whole life and now you learned that you can be a human. When you notice that you're flapping your hands you decide that you are leaving your human nature somehow. You were never a parrot to begin with - you were a human that behaved like one. You were still yourself though. Your confused self. There is no way to not be yourself.

Alright. I hope you still have fun when god's not around and you fell out of the vortex. Is there free will then?

Why don't you try? It's not about suppressing emotions, but about being indiscriminately curious about them. The other part is about not letting ourselves be ruled by passions but letting out only what spills past the boiling point. That sounds like wisdom to me.

I don't think that emotions are something we do or something that is done to us by others. They are more like a by-product of a situation. People mix with each other and with circumstances and it results in various kinds of energies. These energies are then transformed and expressed through us as arousal or fear for example. When we let those feelings to get to the mind, we become reactive. I think that personality is what decides how energies are expressed. Frankly, the more I let myself be a vessel for transformation of energy, the more easily I get aroused if the opportunity presents itself .

@mandyjw When you feel like you're out of the vortex, experiencing 'negative emotions' become curious about how they actually feel. Don't let these feelings get into your head and narrate stories, but focus on your body and experience them as they arise. Negative vs positive is entirely dependent on the content of the story that the mind is producing during the occurrence of these emotions. Try to see if you can tell the difference between, lets say - anger and sexual arousal if you don't think up words when you experience them. They are all sensations of the body - some are more intensive and some are less intensive. They have little to do with the vortex. Notice that what 'I did to you' was mostly dependent on 'negative' emotions released while hunting horcruxes. These feelings were overcome by cutting the supremacy of thoughts by seeing them through the lens of now. The vortex can be sustained by treating your body as a vessel for these emotions. Locking them inside, observing them, without expression. In doing so you retain the energy and keep the flow going.

@mandyjw No, when you feel positive ones, you feel positive ones. When you feel 'negative' ones, then you feel the 'negative' ones. I'm putting negative in quotation marks because positive emotions vs negative emotions are a duality that can be overcome.

@mandyjw What if I told you that you can master 'negative emotions' so that they don't get you out of the flow state?

Thank you. How does it feel like when you fall out of the vortex? So far, your description of vortex matches what I call flow.

Tell me more about the vortex in your own words. I were never able to make anything out of Hicks' descriptions.

@mandyjw Why does it matter if I were in the vortex or not? Is being in the vortex a necessity for you? The situation with the coworker was noteworthy only because I did not feel remorse while chasing him off. I never resonated with Abraham Hicks too much.

Also, I left the simulation of the machining to run overnight and went to work today to see if it's okay. It is, apart from minor faults but I'm not going to worry about that. We'll see how it will turn out. Now I get to enjoy 4 day long holiday. I'm thinking of popping some LSD, but I'm still unsure because of the car situation.

I never stepped out of the vortex. I really enjoy what is happening. When I was writing about the situation at work, I used the word 'frustration', but what I really meant was 'desperation'. I was desperate to deliver, but I did not let myself wallow in helplessness. I did overtime willingly, without anybody asking me to. The break pedal was an adventure too. It was exciting, even if I have to spend some money. I'll have to get this car to the mechanic somehow and it gets me a little anxious, but I'm not going to let the essence spoil by letting it get to my mind. It really is flattering to hear that I'm powerful though. Somehow, I was led to believe that people can only be powerful if they overcome difficulties. Since I never had many, I thought myself to be lucky.

Funny stuff. My wife told me that she came across her ex boyfriend yesterday evening. We talked about their dynamic before and I thought that I'm perfectly cool with it since it happened around 10 years ago. Yeah, no. My disgust had me entertained for about half an hour and it was purely sexual in nature. Maintaining curiosity was pleasantly challenging. Again, I found myself to be defensive when I was overwhelmed by emotions. I can shift the energy at will along the spine and I'm distributing it evenly without letting it go into my head. It reminded me of the experience I had on LSD, where I would feel like a tenderized piece of raw steak. Instead of embracing this vulnerability however, I closed down and avoided eye contact. During that time, the mind came up with all the ways in which I fail compared to an idealized partner. When some memory came up when I felt hurt, I said it to not let the ferment spread. Yesterday I had to stay overtime and got unusually frustrated. The program was not working correctly and it corrupted the work that I stayed to do. One of my coworkers has a very mocking attitude. I usually enjoy it, but it fueled my frustration yesterday. I had no remorse telling him to fuck off because he was distracting me. Again - defensiveness during overwhelming emotional state. And here's the funniest part: I noticed that we have an usual lot of money for this time of month and I was curious why that happened. We were joking around with my wife and my sister and my sister said: "why don't you have a car accident?". Well, when we were driving back home the break pedal started malfunctioning. Thankfully, handbrake was still working and I was present enough to notice the fault safely. I'll have to get this fixed on Monday.

As strange as it sounds, I think that interacting with people with the intent to help them is a mistake. To look at another person as if he/she was somehow weaker, less complete, is to validate the self-image of a victim. It is right to give what is needed, only as long as it is done between equals. If it's not, then treating the other as your equal is the 'help' they need to get first. In this sense, helping others is not meaningful because it does not ennoble anybody. It is not a virtue. It is simply a way to exercise your embodiment.

If you are completely authentic and vulnerable and she leaves you, then she is doing you a favor. Just imagine being with her for 40 years while pretending to be someone you're not. Every day trying to outsmart her, concealing your flaws and exaggerating your achievements. Being on guard, not letting anything wrong slip, so that you are the man you assume that she finds attractive. Does this sound like something you would be interested doing? I assume not. If she leaves you after you show your true colors, then it means that one of you were probably not ready for a relationship. No, women like men that can take care of their own emotions and be useful. That has nothing to do with being non-emotional. To get to that point you have to be very in touch with whatever you're going through emotionally. It depends from what point of view the man is sharing his ups and downs. Men don't usually talk about problems if they can take care of them by themselves. People that genuinely need help and ask for it are much better than the ones that pretend that everything is cool while being walking time-bombs. It is a sign of maturity and strength when a man knows his weaknesses and is not afraid to ask others to help him overcome them. It depends on the subject matter. If she's feeling negative emotions towards something that is happening between the two of you - it is best to remain stoic. If, however, she's emotional towards something external, then there's nothing wrong in joining. Only if you're pretending that you're looking for it. If you're genuinely empathetic then it's a plus. No! It's a two-way street.

If your boss can talk down to you like that, then he thinks that you provide little value to the company. The question is: can they really fire you, or are you an asset? As an intern, you have little room for mistakes like that. Generally speaking - if your boss is yelling at you, then it means that he's under pressure and can't give you the attention that you require. He is basically crying for help, but since you're an intern - he's ashamed of it. Use this opportunity to step up your game and increase your value. This is how you can be more secure.

Apparently, my wife is not an oyster, but a squid. She deploys squirts black ink for protection. You don't open a squid to get to the soft parts, silly.