Flowerfaeiry

or is that just the ego mind saying that? Do you have to sort of get past the layers of deception in order to say that accurately or can I essentially walk around thinking about how I am imagining all this stuff?

I've always been super careful with my caffeine consumption since it's so easy to become dependent on. But I've been off daily caffeine for months and I still feel like I need an extra boost. I crave caffeine almost every day. I do have a physically demanding job but I still feel like I shouldn't "need" caffeine like I've been craving it. What am I doing wrong?

Somatic Experiencing man. Look into it it's a deep study of our Being. Peter Levine is the founder of it but it's based on indigenous wisdom. By far the most awakening I've had. Meditation is a somatic practice. But it's just one. And it's an advanced practice. You may benefit from other body-mind-soul practices.

The Great Mystery as taught by some indigenous cultures.

What were you hoping to experience? I used to be a big proponent for meditation because I thought it was THE way to live a good life. I have done 2.5 10-day vipassana retreats and kept a meditation practice for months at a time sporadically. But since diving into Somatics a couple years ago I see there are other ways to heal, grow and gain self-awareness. Meditation is just one tool.

First of all I’m so sorry you have a mother with these types of problems. Sounds extremely difficult to deal with. One thing I’m gathering from your post is that you’re trying to change her. You understandably don’t like how she has chosen to live her life and you want her to change. But the thing is, you can’t change people. I’m sensing the two of you have some codependency going on as well. She’s an adult and has chosen to live her life in this way, and must live with the consequences of it on her own. I know you wish she wasn’t like this, and that’s very hard to handle having a parent that you want so much more for, but it’s necessary for the both of you, that you let go of the plan you have for her and let her make self-destructive choices. I would try stepping back a little. Setting some boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate in the relationship between the two of you. Release some of the need to control how her life goes, as hard as that is.

I’ll speak from my experience: microdosing gave me elevated levels of consciousness, but ultimately didn’t do a damn thing for my depression.

Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your troubles

One of my teachers says it like: the same free will that allows some to turn towards the light allows some to turn away from it.

This may or may not be helpful to you but something one of my teachers taught me is that it’s ok to give up sometimes. I noticed in myself that in the incessant pushing in life I never just let it all go. Interestingly, I get stronger after giving up. Maybe something you can play with. Good luck.

Acid in particular is like that for me. Literally enlightened one day, normal the next. Ime mushroom lessons tend to stick around longer.

Of course! For me it gets triggered by something. One small and easy to describe example of this in my life is the way that the sky was shown to me during a mushroom journey. Now every time I look at the sky I am taken back to the same experience I had many years ago. It feels similar too. Actually this is one of the things I love so much about my trips with the little fungi. I’ve had my psychedelic states integrate into my “normal” states very easily.

@mrPixel He said he took 3 grams and didn't feel much.

Those are a beautiul strain. They are more gentle than some others, and there is the possibility that they are weak. If you're a bigger person, if you ate a lot, if you're simply not super sensitive to psychedelics, these things all play a role. Make a tea. Crumble like 5-6 grams dried into water in a pot on the stove. Its ok to eyeball all this just add enough water for a serving and what makes sense with the amount of shrooms you have. Add the juice of one lemon. Let it brew on medium heat for about an hour or more. You can let it boil just to bring it up to heat but don't keep it at boiling, I worry too much high heat destroys the psilocybin but IDK, lol. Just let it sit in hot water for awhile. Longer the better. The lemon is important, makes the effect stronger (look up lemon teks online). After awhile strain the mushroom mixture. I use a cheese cloth so I can squeeze all the liquid out. Then drink. I like to have fruit only on days that I trip. You don't want a full stomach. Acidic fruits up the effectiveness.

Lay off the psychedelics for a long while honestly. That’s not good.

What strain?

I’m referring to the idea that doing them “willy nilly “ makes it lose its magic. Not so much the doing it often part although that could happen easily.. But taking an addict’s approach to doing mushrooms is what makes them lose their special qualities. To avoid that happening you must integrate. Journal, put into action the lessons you learn. Take time between trips, be self aware/honest, and respect the mushrooms.

It could create a psychological addiction. You might feel like life is boring without microdosing. I would make sure you’re integrating your experiences. Mushrooms are a great tool but when they’re used willy nilly they do lose their magic.

My guess is the reason you’re “hitting a wall” is because of the nitrous. I feel like an idiot when I do that stuff. Regardless of the effects it has with psychedelics I think it’s numbing. Try integrating what you’ve learned before diving into higher doses of shrooms without the nitrous.

One of my favorite therapists had a degree in contemplative psychotherapy and the other was trained in Somatic Experiencing. If you can afford the higher price point I recommend going the Somatic Experiencing route. Traumahealing.org has a directory. Other than that it can be a process of trial and error. May therapists do a free consultation to see if you will be a good fit.

What type of existential crisis? Like are you freaking out going into overdrive or like a shutting down numbing type thing?

@Batman coming back from those experiences did feel good and enlightening but I didn’t know how to apply it to my life and ended up feeling more disconnected because I was still living in the “3D”. Now that the path of integration is more clear I am able to take those experiences into my daily life in a different way.

Every time I’ve truly been faced with a loss of everything I think I am, I get scared. Nothing pretty about it.

@OBEler @Razard86 put it well. I think you might be romanticizing the ego death a bit. Difficult psychedelic experiences are some of the worst times I’ve been through. When I didn’t have the proper tools and maturity to integrate my hard experiences it became more difficult for me to move forward in life. Taking psychedelics and having experience after experience without any integration is another form of addiction. When I had an “ego death” there was no controlling it. It just happens and it is terrible.

You don’t want to have an ego death. You might think you do but you don’t. Ketamine is more difficult than psychedelics like LSD and mushrooms ime.