yangmilun

I desire to focus and feel light while doing things. I feel tired while doing crazy workout and then I am into a state that I feel there is nothing but focus. Too tired so that I cannot think something else. Plus sometimes I do psychodelic I can feel this too. So focus and work hard. I dont have this light feeling when I am ok. but i dont feel there is something stucks me. And then I guess maybe there is some hidden negative thoughts or pressure that doesnt really come out when I feel ok or normal. Therefore I think its time to find it out. How to be single-minded? be focused?

imaging an empty fish container only contains a quarter of sand. human made by atom just like sand, and stone too. why this sand can move but that sand can't? or, how come this sand in fish container can build itself with different shape that move or not move?

I thought you are joking. but you bring me to a deeper level here. a stone stays on the earth could lead the earth spin. that's subject vs. object. right? let me think a few mins.

I know what you mean. It won't help me to grow or understand you guys just simpily trust him. but this video is the point that I think of this question. I would believe that there is something build stone and human. and that is super mysterious behind my thinking. just like movie, two ghosts come out from nothing. and stone and human like sand, shaped by something that I would like to discover.

No, I still go through the replys. I remember this video gives some examples. But I repeat a few times, I still confuse here.

hahaha, that's good one.

First, he quotes Stephen Hawking, says that consciousness is like a computer program that based on our brain, which is hardware. And then he replys, consciousness doesn't need hardware, but runs. Then I guess, nobody touch this fish container, but the sand in it, can shape itself to become stone and human.

whyyyyyyy? don't end.... I am sorry. why not we can't move but stone can?

Is any possible that I only watch Youtube that I also could reach the level just like the people who took phychodelic trip or meditation? If I can't reach the level, ok then, it's fine. But I still write down my understandings here with my honest. There is two things that I am so stuck. 1. "Everything is connect to each other" 2. "Conciousness is everything." So I try to question myself, I cannot get the answer maybe it's because I was not practicing conciousness enough. On the same time, I also doubt all I hear from outside. I keep ask outside "why you say that?" "then what?" I totally believe that, Yes, you can create anything in your mind, then you can make it in everyday life, chair, building, computer, paitning, anything. that's infinity, fine. So the thing we see, is what we create in our mind. but there is one thing, the original stuff, like stone, dirt, we can't create it. we pick it, then we make the thing what we have in our mind. So Conciousness is not everything, is based on what the earth has. I stuck here. I think this is my deepest understanding yet. Until Leo says in his video, neural stuff, our brain, everything in our body could boil down to the original stuff. ok then, let's go to deeper one. Our body is made by very very tiny stone, and became a body, then to see a big stone on the ground. Body=Stone. why we can move? why those tiny stone in our body can move? Why everything can move? What Leo's voice is always keep in my mind, "you are me, I am you, you are god, I am god, you are everything" I don't really think he is insane, I only think, why he keeps saying that? what kind of answer that he got then made him happy? Because it's conciousness. (Not yet, not yet, you have to doubt me that do I totally understand what Leo understands?) Maybe I just copy what he says and just want some people to jealous me? I have to say that even I get the answer, it doesn't mean I already out of my ego. then my answer is, it create itself to experience itself. just like I see the stone. It's just a lots stone to see a stone. I see my mum, me and my mum, just like two computers that triggered by present moment situation. Your left hand touch your right hand, you touch others, you meet animals, you stand on this earth, you in this universe, is one thing. The conciousness made it. made it waves, made those tiny stone become different stuff and touch each other. And sometime I want to share this to family or friend, I feel meaningless. I feel alone, but this alone is feeling good. But why do I wirte down here? because I think my ego is powerful rather than this answer. Ego says, "so what? you still have to keep your life going." "enlightenment finally will tell you need to back to the life." and main reason that I write this down is because, I don't really experience the answer yet, and I feel ego is so real. I cannot see that world behind the conciousness.

Kind of understand when I see the word "psychotic". I think what you mean is insane people creating crazy thinkings, then people call his thinking "doesn't exist". in this case, all people are insane and create thier own fear, and I am into this group to solve the problem within this psychotic game.

"Fear is illustion." "Self doesn't exist" "Emotion is not real." I don't really believe this is really help people. While people go through fear, angry, or any other situations, I don't think the saying "doesn't exist" works. I try to feel "doesn't exist", maybe. maybe means ghost, or wrong thinking. but while thing comes, whatever me or other people surround me, we cannot understand this.

If Oliver is an imagination in my mind, then it's illusion. Plus while in my sleeping, so its imagination in imagination that is totally illusion, yes.

It helps. I keep trying it. Thank you.

Totally understand. Fear is an feeling that director creates for his role in movie, and he makes the movie more interesting. Why some directors try to tell puppets which the illustion that director own creates for those puppet are not real? and try to let them out of movie? If let me answer my question, then I think this is fun.

I agree that words can be traps.because while I experience something then I could feel that they won't understand their fear is no working. right? But do we believe fear is not illusion while we don't experience something just like others? Sleeping experience is not real even if the experience is an illusion right? I emm..I cannot understand, I think i still suffer fear then. I do think this is an answer. I try: I am 'non-existence' before I born. Yes. Logically yes, Can I experience 'non-existence'? no. well, if I meditating, fine, I try. ..it doesn't 'exist for you' because it 'doesn't exist for you.'.. THIS IS SO HARD! Quotation means special meaning or high light. right? Jake does not "water the plant" because Jake is not the people who need to water the plant? What is the point that Help me to understand fear is no real? Fear is illustion so fear is 'non-existence'. Fear doesn't "exist for me" because fear "doesn't exist for me" ?

If he feels no safe, he decides to create what he think. for example Oliver thinks no one loves him, then he tried to tell A that B is bad guy, as well as tell B that A is no good, then both guys stand on Oliver side while he is afriad. After A and B know Oliver is lying then A and B give Oliver an unsafe situation because they know Oliver is not good. I think sadness create more sadness, more real situation. and that is reality, also I think this is his loop. Sadness>unsafe>wrong doing>bad result>sadness. All people around me have their indivual fear, and it creates collective ego that make it more complicated that I into it and suffer it too. while people say "doesn't exist", I kind of feel they are true, but while all people have their own "illustion" and then it's real. because even I agree that every fear is illustion or "doesn't exist" then I only feel this is word game, means that people really avoid the truely "illusion" and then back to believe what they think that fear is real. I do think this is so real. you are sad, I won't tell you all is no real, I will ask you why you are sad, then give you a hug.

That is good one. It really helps beginners.

The true for me is the saying "doesn't exist" only stay on theory, or fantasy. but I feel the saying is right somehow. just cannot get it. The true is why people who take phychodelic trip, or meditation, or experience the life, and tell others what they really got, or share what their result of "doesn't exist" to others but we cannot understand, and they know we don't understand but still share with us.

Yes dream is a mirror that reflects what happened in the previous day. I observe my dream, even think about the dream after wake up, So I know what my fear, self and emotion are happened and why it happened.

The world is hell therefore the reason of everyone does everything is becoz of survival. The world is heaven therefore the original purpose of conflict is looking for care and they are weakness.

After feeling depressed about a week, I suddenly feel neutral and peace today. The depression is nothing surprised: childhood hurting, not confidencial, lack of trust, hateful, dark, lost and needy. I feel ok while those negative emotions flow to me, and I observed as third person to face it. Its tough, but bored. Keep doing my painting, listen Leo's video. The point I wanna say is, the understanding of present moment just suddenly comes in my mind without any practice. I couldnt say without any pratice. But I guess maybe its becoz I wanted get rid of my depression so badly. I realized everything is trigger, even me. and this is not new to me, but I dunno why, why TODAY?. I wouldnt say this is enlightenment, but this is helping me to react everyone accurately. I think people is mechanical system, I respect their duality, I do my best to face it positively, stand on their perspective and think how they wish and what my ego wants. I feel growth, I feel alone, and I feel ok whatever reality is dream or not. I feel ok to focus on one thing without any stressed. Best sex, best phone talk, best relationship, everything everyone is normal as usual but I am a bit different today, they and my ego feel nothing amazed about it, but me smiled. Today is a normal day for me. But I enjoy it. ----------- Hey guys, I painted my favourite animation on my workplace wall. (Youtube search: blockhead - the music scene) Sorry about rough note writing here but I hope you guys like my diary.

Where is my fuckin favorite buttons? where is my bookmark buttons? Now, yes, now. quick save it! very useful.

YOU ARE GREAT!

Some ideas I want to address here for getting responds either "Yes, go for it" or "Nah, better be not." To share and tell asian people what I watched is so amazing on Youtube. Translate Leo's video into Chinese language, as a Youtube reporter. Do you allow this, Leo? that people edit your video as their youtube parts? Cannot deep enough to feel what you feel, but share others what I understand? I "Take" a lot from outside, from Leo, from friend, Now I really want to "Give". I don't want to stay in a room and just learning. Those ideas are not my major part of my life, but I still wanna be respectful and carefully to do what I want without any inappropriate act. -----------For example, If I make a Recap video as my first trail Youtube video-------------------- The Answers of The Power Of Asking Questions How does this video benefit me this time? When: Life Stucks> Bullshit "How" > Shit answers > No Working > repeat problems. I run my life so hard, and could not see the result. So many knowledges that made me confused: "where should I start?" Use internet tool for Ego instead of personal growth. I feel like I am wasting my life, and no sure how to do. Nice Inspiration Life depends on how you ask and how you keep asking. No asking right questions > No answers > All Negative Problems The answer is inside of you. or just fucking google it. How do I make this video useful to me? Deeper>Go Deeper>Go Deeper. Get the the deepest questions, and answer it. Allocate all answers into every aspects of my life. Remind App, iPhone, Note, Book, Redo it, in 2020, 2021. just a plan. emm. just saying. sorry. Recap+The answer of truly me. What do I really want? I want money now, I only have 20K RMB in my pocket, Then: I want to buy stuff. enjoy to pay. experience of rich. Then: I feel unsafe sometimes. I dunno how to get money right now. Then: Maybe I don't have this fear, I write this is because I wanna show to people my mind. Then: I wanna more attention. more love, more care. more communication. Then: I feel like I am normal. and this is everyone's answer. Then: I lack of care and love. because of my childhood. Then: I want my beautiful childhood back. fuck off family who only care about themself. Then: I want to show truly me to others bravely. Then: I want to be Brave. How do I keep myself from backsliding? Record how ego works. Write down my thought in my computer files. rough draft. Allocate all records into clear emotional catalogue, eg. Angry, Sad, Useless. Find the answer of each file. Read and open when the same emotional arises. Wait, I find the negative emotions improve my life sometimes, so I am gonna record how each monkey mind can solve relative problems. What Causes me to get in a rut? What motive/excites me? The powerful moral rules and traditional stuff made me stuck in the middle. Then: I am also the person who tell others keep the same. Then: because when you out of your comfort zone, people leave you. Then: fear of Lonely>get in a rut. Then: I could not find any reason that I should be lonely. Then: Cause I don't have big vision/dream. Then: I make a big dream is because to avoid getting boring? Then: Everything is nothingness, why should I keep myself excited? Then: Get in a rut is because I feel the present moment is not valuable. Then: Get in a rut is because I don't think I am valuable.

I have no passion on my job, and I think that is ok. I do not have any monkey mind bothers me today, oh, maybe there has some, but I did not realize. Just feel lazy, but more is peace. listen the music. watching Youtube. I feel my soul is traveling somewhere but not in my body. I am waiting it comes back to me so I could have some energy to face people and job. Where is positive me? should I do some meditation to call it back? Yes, I feel limited. cannot do anything what I want to do. Feel shy, close window. No energy, do not wanna go to gym, delay my job is ok I feel. There is no strong negative feel that pushes me to improve myself. Well, lots video, tips, and articles to motivate me there, but I don't wanna know.