LastThursday

Kraftwerk Vibes

Everyone is developing, just at different rates. A 70 year will see the world different than a 20 year old, even if they've never been into self development. Your parents have already had to develop just to bring you up.

I would listen to your intuition. I'm no doctor, but I wouldn't rule out infection of some sort: https://psychnews.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/appi.pn.2015.3b14 , the most famous behaviour changing infection being Toxoplasmosis: https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/toxoplasmosis/gen_info/faqs.html It could even be an imbalance in your gut bacteria: https://atlasbiomed.com/blog/9-ways-gut-bacteria-and-mental-health-probiotics-and-depression-are-linked/ There may also be some sort of mild stress or trauma which triggered the depression that isn't immediately obvious to you. Maybe you can pinpoint something that happened just before the depression started. Perhaps losing a family member or an accident or some unresolved problem or other. Often stress presents itself in the body rather than the mind. You could also try to change your surroundings. Book yourself on a retreat for a month - it doesn't have to be solo - and see how your body reacts to that. Those are just ideas for further investigation.

Yeah no problems I get you. I applaud you for wanting to communicate in a more highly conscious way. We could all learn in this respect. I was just thinking out loud more than anything else - and sort of gesticulating towards those that wish the forum were different.

I like the sentiment. We can only choose to take this on for ourselves though. Any prescription for how a group of people should conduct themselves will always have inherent bias, even if not intended - and this goes against freedom of expression. In a sense we need the good the bad and ugly for us to realise what's good, bad and ugly in the first place. That way we learn and grow the most, even if the experience is rough. This place is also very transient and people come and go constantly. How would newcomers immediately take on the task of "communicating in a concious, loving and healthy way", if they haven't experienced this before or don't know what it is? I'm guessing most of the demographic here are young inexperienced males with testosterone coursing through their veins. I don't have solid answers. One way is to obviously have rules in place (with their inherent bias) and to police it. Personally, I would have a zero tolerance policy on all the sorts of -isms, but there's always grey areas even here - who am I to be prescriptive on how to handle the edge cases? Or another way is to "lead by example", but this responsibility would then have to fall on those members that stick around long enough to employ it - I guess that's what your advocating for yourself.

Sheesh that's disturbing

I don't know what possessed me. (Done on Hugging Face Stable Diffusion site)

A child is always a blend of their parents' genetics. It's not always a 50-50 split of mum and dad, but on average it is. But genes are either recessive or dominant, so genes from one parent may override genes from the other. It's possible parents carry genes that they don't express (are not used), but do get expressed in the child (are used), because of the way combining genes works. You can also have genetic mutation. So it's possible you have a modified version of a gene that neither of your parents has. Generally mutations either have no effect or cause problems, rarely they can be beneficial. So yes, you can have different genetics from your parents, but the effects are normally subtle. Epigenetic changes happen constantly throughout your life, and they regulate which genes are on and off. There's some evidence that epigenetic changes can be passed through to egg and sperm. Epigenetic changes happen in response to your environment such as food intake, exercise and stress levels.

Fair enough. What you wrote resonated with me as I've been there - at one point I was physically struggling to even get out of bed, it's like my brain just wanted me to sleep 24 hours - it refused to "boot up". I just didn't care about anything. But, that is the definition of depression. In my case it wasn't so sudden but it crept up on me gradually over time. If you think you're genuinely depressed then seek professional help. Depression is very treatable and there's no need to suffer any longer than you have already. There's many different types of therapy, there will be something that helps you, go get it. In terms of motivation, I would say try and maintain a base level of engagement even if it's difficult. Even getting as little as 30 minutes of light exercise - say walking - and getting 30 minutes of sunlight every single day, will help a great deal. Try and maintain a good sleep schedule. And, if you can improve your diet then do that as well. It could be that it's temporary and you just need to relax into this new mode for a while and trust that things will right themselves again.

It's understandable that you miss your burning desire. But I don't think that's what's really important to you. It seems like this is more important: There are other ways to accomplish goals such as planning, routine, habits and getting together with other people. Consistency of action is often more important than burning passion. Many goals are long term or complex and to a degree need you to grind away day after day, this is a good skill to learn. And achieving your goals a different way may actually ignite your passion again. You want to create a virtuous feedback loop.

Do you want to be more attractive to women? Or is there another reason for wanting to be more masculine?

Is red vision the same as green vision? Red and green can be seen as different sensations or the same sensation, it just depends on how you frame it. Is the sound of my voice different from the appearance of me? Yes and no. The only reason to divide the world up into (say) vision and sound, is for convenience, it could be divided up differently or not divided at all. It seems that there is a greater commonality between red and green than there is between red and loud, but this is just an illusion. For example red and loud can be located in space, can having more or less intensity etc.

@Someone here I was just passing by... Anyway, being ultra-rational as you seem to be is definitely a manly trait. My point with giving you my shopping list of manly traits is to actually try them. Less manly theorising and more manly action. Being manly is not so much subjective, it's simply a set of behaviours and characteristics you can learn and get good at.

Do you think the problem is solvable?

There's the outward stuff and the inward stuff. Outwardly, simple things like standing squarely with your feet apart, looking up at all times and making eye contact help. Being able to hold eye contact is good for attraction. Hands should be out of pockets and by your side. Men in general have far less expressive faces than women and smile and laugh less. Your head should also be upright and body posture should be decent - working out helps with posture and stance. You should walk at a moderate pace and walk with purpose. Good grooming can be important - but what's more important is that you "own" your look, i.e. your appearance is in some way cultivated - preferably to the the sex you want to attract. Speak more slowly and with a lower voice if you don't already. A certain amount of physicality is necessary, whether that's just physique, ability to touch others (appropriately) etc. Inwardly, there's plenty to do. For example my current affirmations are: sexyness, swagger, confidence, charisma and presence (I'm giving away my secrets, dang). The point being is that those words mean something positive to me and I already know how to act in those ways. So, you want to be constantly reprograming your mind so that you embody those more masculine traits - especially if masculine traits don't come naturally to you. But if you don't even know how to be confident or decisive or stand your ground, then you must work on those first - forget about affirmations they're for later. Some watchwords for masculinity are: decisiveness, following through, confidence, having purpose, taking control, doing what it takes, being firm but fair, being a leader, escalation. If you feel particularly feminine, then don't supress that, just give that aspect of yourself breathing space - maybe you allow yourself to let go in private or just with close friends and family. What you're really aiming for in the end is both a masuline and feminine balance, but also being able to be more masuline and/or more feminine when it suits you or the situation warrants it, and being completely comfortable with both.

Hey @Myioko , you're too kind. I strangely miss this place, and the people and I miss regularly writing nonsense about myself! I hope you're well? What brings it home to me about Kabul, is that they're just ordinary people like you and me trying to get on with their lives and thrive. It's a shame they've had to put up with so much bullshit and trauma.

I'll start... I was approached by Erik after he read some of my journal here and I decided to see if some coaching would help me work through some of my problems. I learned a lot of things about myself in the couple of months of sessions I had with him. Erik’s style is conversational - over video, where he would pick up on certain things I said and explore them more deeply and thoroughly. Often this resulted in “releasing” and expressing my emotions physically by shouting, movement, crying and so on. I found these sessions to be very powerful. Erik also gave me a range of more introspective written exercises and breathwork to do in my own time – which were very good for making me more aware of where I’m “stuck” in my reasoning and why I’m behaving in certain ways; but also to detach from or at least reframe differently the traumas of my past. I can honestly say I feel generally calmer within myself, and have learnt that it’s important to take myself more seriously and that my needs and desires are important to listen to – all if I want to create the life I want. I do still have much work ahead, but I feel I’m in a better place mentally to get to where I want to be. Thanks Erik!

I'm feeling you there! In my experience it's best to immediately and firmly make it clear that you won't tolerate being disrespected. This will defuse any anger you have and hopefully will help stop it happening again from that person. Although I appreciate it's not always possible to do this - it takes practice to do this. This is because of unresolved emotions, they're a reminder that they need to be paid attention to. I went through a long period of being upset with someone for disrespecting me repeatedly - I'd cut off contact but afterwards couldn't resolve my feelings. It got to the point where I started to feel hatred and anger towards this person. My solution - it may work for you - is to hug the person. I don't mean physically, but through visualisation. The process I tried was: In your mind, or act out by yourself, imagining talking to the person and expressing your anger and explaining to them exactly why you're upset. The person just listens and doesn't reply. Keep going until you're done. Imagine hugging the person (like you mean it). This may feel uncomfortable at first, but keep going until your feelings start to change. Imagine a healing white light coming in through the top of your head and out through your heart. Have a break. And notice in the days afterwards if your anger and emotions is less. Keep repeating the exercise if necessary. This process really helped me process my anger and pain. Whenever I think about the person now, I feel annoyance, but it soon passes and I get on with my day.

Looks good. The world can't be reduced to, nor is it made from, numbers or mathematics.

Dictionary Salad Reflect, perfect (n.)?, defect (n.), perfect (v.), inspect, retrospect, circumspect, deflect, disconnect, neglect, imperfect, reject (v.), reject (n.), infect?, detect, inject, disinfect, suspect (n./v.): insect?, intellect?, sect?; interject!, subject: resurrect: respect.

RIP Vangelis

That would require electrolysis, and a power source for the electricity. You'll never get out more energy in the hydrogen than you put into it by separating it out - a big part of the energy would go into the oxygen too. But scuba gear using electrolysis isn't such a bad idea. I bet the battery packs would weigh more than gas cylinders though. You'd have to vent the hydrogen into the water. Also the water wouldn't be pure so other gases would also get produced - probably poisonous.