LastThursday

To improve on my previous effort: a good man reduces the suffering of those around him.

Isn't good just a value judgement? When you call someone a "good man" it's being said relative to your definition of good; the man is good for you (or the collective in general). The man is good by how his actions and, or, words benefit you or others you care about. This in turns indicates he shares your values and ideals: he's one of you. You could also call yourself "good" as a man without external validation, because you have a strong sense of what good means to you, and you can see that you stick to your own ideals. There might be universally agreed "good" traits, such as compassion, helping others, putting yourself out for others, leading in times of strife, handing down knowledge, defending your group, and so on. In all cases "good" is relative. But there is a general sense of good as being the reduction of suffering.

This is just your moral side piping up, and it's probably worth listening to for your own peace of mind, if not anything else. Like I said, porn is staged and you know this, you know it isn't real life. You're escalating because it's easy to do so, and you've become bored of the vanilla stuff. The reason you've become bored of the vanilla stuff, is well, because it is actually boring. It's the same reason some people prefer horror films to romcoms.

@Something Funny definitely masturbation has to be separated from watching porn. I would say the need to masturbate in males reaches a peak in the late teens or early twenties, then tapers off after that. It's completely natural and normal to want to masturbate and enjoy the pleasure of it. In that sense it may be psychologically detrimental to not masturbate for some young males. I would completely disagree that retaining semen improves energy levels. There may be a temporary effect straight after ejaculation, but it's not long lasting. There are no long term biological effects whether you masturbate or not, whether you ejaculate or not. The two potential problems with porn are: moral and psychological. The moral aspect, includes that the act of sex and naked bodies are somewhat taboo (and partly driven by religious dogma) and so watching it, is somehow "wrong" or "sinful" or "naughty" and basically bad for you. There is also the potential for the people appearing in porn, being under age or exploited in some way, depending on what material you're watching (and not being able to know what the situation is before clicking on a video). If there was a solid reason for not watching porn, it would be this. But I would say that sites like PornHub are regulated around exploitation. The psychological aspect can be overblown in my opinion. We're all used to watching films in which people are routinely shot and murdered, even in very mainstream stuff. But most of us can discern that a film is not real life, and we can put it in a box and not let it affect our everyday actions or thoughts. It's no different from porn: we know it's fake and staged, and that the bodies are enhanced, and it's just there to create maximum pleasure in us. Can it warp our view of reality? I'd say yes, but only as much as advertising and social media does, and only if we allow it to. Some people will be more affected than others. So the only part left is addiction. Addiction is only detrimental if it disrupts normal everyday functioning. Watching porn takes time, and the more addicted you are the more time it takes up. If this gets in the way of other more beneficial activities then it's bad. Watching porn is empty calories, other than short-lived pleasure, there is no benefit from it. You can masturbate without it.

A short story: Presenter: How do you feel about winning the gold medal for your 400 metre sprint? @StarStruck: I don't deserve it at all, the race is out of my league really. Presenter: You did great out there, you were way ahead of the field. You must have trained hard. @StarStruck: Actually it was all my coach's work. She activated within me the force my body needed to run the race. All I had to do is let go and run the race. I did nothing really. Presenter: I respect that you acknowledge your coach in that way - she must be special, but it was you that ran the race. You're the one with the gold medal. You deserve to celebrate your achievement. @StarStruck: nah man I'm good.

An experiment in sharing my love of music.

@StarStruck there's a direct link between this story you're telling yourself: and the way you feel:

These tests are like crack. A female friend of mine told me I'd make a great woman, which I took as a compliment. I don't know who this woman is, but I'm rolling with it:

That's good. Whatever story you need to tell yourself. Just own it, be proud of it, you did it, that's you she finds attractive.

Yeah I noticed that. I'm forming the Sigma Bruhs Club, it's official.

Of course these ideas are BS, but a Sigma would say that.

She's attracted to you, so you must be 10/10 as well right? Give yourself some credit here, you are clearly worthy already. Just enjoy being together.

Damn so it is. I'm just so used to counting from zero.

Yeah definitely confusing. I guess talking in terms of distributions 50% has to be the average right? Ok phew. What are you if you score zero, an empath, Mother Teresa, Jesus?

Primary 1.2/5. Secondary 1.9/5. Still, that secondary score is more than 20% of people, gulp. I've got to admit though, I don't like rules.

Yes. You? I'm not sure of your point though. Transactionality is built into human relations, reciprocality being the main driver, as you mentioned. You're right that we do use each other to get our needs met, but that can be done without objectification or just using others as a means to an end. In terms of pickup, as soon as you approach, both parties generally understand what is going on - there's a transactional aspect to it. But, whatever occurs, you can have a mindset whereby you treat the other person as you would want yourself treated: as a person with a history, a family, friends and their own fears and insecurities, and their own thoughts. If you do that, then it puts a different complexion on the interaction. Pickup (aka talking to people you find attractive), is not bad in itself. It's just the heavy emphasis on manipulation techniques, scatter gun approach, and a degree of potential harrassment, that's off. Even the name is suggestive of taking an "object". But that's my personal opinion.

It begs the question whether a narcissist is aware of their own narcissism. Maybe not?

Some tests are a lot more nuanced, where it's not obvious what's being expected from each question. Then some fancy cross-correlation is done to get the score. Those are better. Most internet tests are too transparent and simplistic. It's fun though.

1/40. Is a narcissist likely to recognise the narcissistic answers and avoid them to make themselves look good?

I couldn't agree more. A lot of the humanity's problems stem from treating other people as objects rather than divine beings like you yourself. Sometimes we don't even realise we're doing it, we have to be vigilant at all times.

My Dad has health problems, he's in his mid 70s. I prefer the word problem to issue, call a spade a spade. He has heart disease and late onset diabetes. Whenever I would visit him and go for a walk, he would have to stop every few hundred yards with pain. I felt for him, despite his imperfections, despite the way he frustrates me, the way he treated me when I was younger (avoidant behaviour), I still love the guy. I'm so similar to him in a lot of ways, to hate him would be like hating my hand. What does a son do in that position? He can only express his limited wisdom, and tell him to get it fixed, and help as much as he's prepared to help. He's a stubborn old goat. He has the arrogance of self-assuredness and he knows best. I'm the same, I listen, but I don't, I've always gone my own way, even to my own detriment. And he's goddamn avoidant. Whenever pressured he goes into his shell, and effectively ignores everyone. As I lay in bed some nights, I would think: will that be me in twenty years? Fuck that shit. My dad never smoked and hardly drinks. In fact I'm the bad influence, he tends to drink more around me and is inclined to eat crappy food. I smoked for years and years. To be honest I'm more likely to end up with health problems than my Dad is. Yikes. But also as I lay in bed some nights, I would wish for my Dad's health problems to go away. If some sort of remote healing works then let it happen. I imagined him healthy and being able to do all the things he wants to do. I did this on and off for months. He had a heart attack last year. That heart attack, forced him to confront his own stubborn beliefs. His family, me included, listened to him, chided him, cajoled him. He at first refused all surgery. After much deliberation he agreed to have two stents inserted (rather than the bypass surgery that he actually needed). After a period of recuperation he was able to walk without pain. He also found out that he had stopped being diabetic (due mostly to much improved diet). And so my wishes came true. Is this remote healing? Who cares. If my wishes had somehow warped reality, then it was done in a way that was consistent with it. If wishing and praying do anything, then it works like this. Reality adjusts itself in a consistent way to your expectations, it can take time, and the adjustment can be in very unexpected ways: my Dad had to have a heart attack to shift his beliefs enough to fix himself. So, I can only keep experimenting. I hate to see people I love suffering. It's a small price to pay to set aside some time each day and wish for them to have better lives, even if I'm deluding myself.

When I open my eyes each morning I seem to wake up a bit more. Reality surges forward suddenly and it's always a shock, but my dreams are tenacious - their ephemeral surrealist tendrils sink further into my consciousness. Dali would twist his moustache in happiness. I suppose one morning the balance will have shifted and reality will instead reflect my dreams and then I won't know whether I'm dreaming or awake.

Grab a belief by the scruff of the neck, shake it, deconstruct it.