billiesimon

You nailed it. I AM the one who started this mess. Because I was "acting" as a friend to hesitate and to avoid taking steps forward. Now I'm paying the price. And I'm willing to pay it, because now I want to end this dishonesty and become authentic.

I completely absolutely agree with you. It's exactly how I feel. I have fucked up, because I was not sincere with my intentions and now I'm stuck. I'm going to ask her out for a date before this weekend and see what happens. If I get rejected, I'll take the opportunity to work on my emotions and my personal problems. It's time to bite the bullet.

Thanks, I'm going to read the books and change this mindset. It's not going to be easy. No, I don't believe that I deserve girls. In fact I have self esteem problems, and I think the opposite. I have scarcity problems because I fear that no one wants me. It's actually the opposite problem. I still don't know what to do, if I have to distance myself or keep her friendship. I like her friendship too... but seems like trouble to me. I'm so confused I can't think straight.

Yes, I want to protect myself from other suffering, because this scenario has caused me a lot of suffering in the recent weeks. She appreciates my friendship, but she doesn't seem very attached to me. I can guarantee you that she will not miss me. I'm not an important person to her, she just finds me a nice person.

That's true, I agree. But I have already faced a lot of friend-dates where it hurt like hell. Because I like her and she just ignored my interest. It really hurt. But nevermind that. I am here to grow. What are the specific actions you recommend for me to grow in this regard?

I still don't understand. Romantic interest is not the same as being a platonic friend. There's also sexuality involved, you have to account for that. Yes, I care for her, but I also don't want to be hurt. That's the problem.

@Emerald could you elaborate on this? Would you want to keep a man you really really like as a friend even though he rejected you and dates other women?

Would you want to be a friend with a girl you desire but doesn't reciprocate? It hurts A LOT to see her date other guys while you are friendzoned.

I'm going to call her this week and ask her out. On a real date, I'm going to tell her I want a real date. But if she refuses, I will cancel the friendship, because I don't feel friendship for her, I was just being dishonest. I don't feel any friend-like connection, it was just my crush making me act friendly. I need to be honest and get the date OR else let her out of my life.

I'm reading some of the material in Leo's book list about law of attraction/visualization, and I still don't understand if this mechanism is a materialistic one or a spiritual "manifestation". Does it happen because of how you influence your brain of because of the power to influence reality as a spiritual process?

Studying some classical traditions around the world, I see that a lot of civilizations tend to see the one consciousness as a God Creator, an architect, a forger of the skies. This interesting stage red/blue interpretation of spirituality sees this one and one only God who is capable of everything and creates life and matter as an extension of his will and his infinite power. He's also a somehow male figure with the attribute of intelligence and crystal clear design of the purpose of the universe. This depiction I've always found childish in the past, especially as an adolescent in my absolutist scientific rationalism, but now... I start to see a lot of spiritual wisdom in this highly poetic and somewhat emotionally charged all-loving all-understanding figure. It's almost like these ancient civilizations viewed creation as some sort of One non-dual Person who extended himself to create something out of just One. Is this poetic figure of a Creator wrong? Or does it have ancient wisdom about spirituality? @Leo Gura if you can explain

I follow both Leo and you, and I have to say that you have a very masculine intellectual approach, which is very crystal clear and architectural. This kind of approach, which is Leo's too, is very appealing to men and to masculine energy. I personally like it a lot, keep it this way it's also refreshing to see a woman with such a clear and mind-based teaching style

Thanks! I'm gonna do some research on this interesting practice

I clearly remember that I was decently extroverted in the early years, like until 6 - 8 years old or so. Then I slowly became shy, and at middle school all the bullies and arrogant kids made me very very introverted and I grew up with low social self esteem. I am very damn sure about the decrease in extroversion during my teen years.

I remember @Leo Gura saying in a video about relationships that the primary role of men in society is to have a job. I don't agree with this, since I believe that men are born to be free and follow their passion and their sense of masculine direction (yang is energetic and purposeful). At the same time this narrative seems to imply that women and men have different value roles in the job field. Post modernism teaches that this is wrong. Women should provide for society too, and with the same amount of effort. What are your thoughts? I'd like to hear Leo too

So what do you guys think is my best bet to inquire into this anxiety and fears? Shadow work?

Well, that's exactly what I don't understand. I've done meditation for 2 months now, and in the first days I've had a slight benefit in terms of social courage and charisma. But now.. Seems like the opposite. That's why I've asked the question. I feel like A LOT of anxiety is rising inside of me and a lot of ego backlash (fear of socializing and a return of shyness). The problem is that I WANT to become social, it is my burning desire. I just don't understand why meditation seems to have canceled the benefits it was stating to give.

I get it but... Why do I keep hearing pickup teachers and self help coaches (including Leo) that meditation and kriya heal your neurotic ego? Paranoia and social anxiety are monkey mind. Why can't spirituality silence them?

I'm going to read this material, thanks. Do you think that this blockage happens because of trauma?

Thanks! Self help for now didn't help much for my shyness. What do you mean by disfunction? Can spirituality become disfunctional?

Ahahahah this is so good Leo's face is incredible

Yeah, I keep hearing this BS about "old times" from a lot of people. "oh, the good old times where we just could work the fields and then come home with no stress and distractions and just sleep." Yeah. And dying at age 40 because of your tiring exausting job with no education and life experiences. Right.

Thanks for clarifying, now I get it Yeah, I like being productive, learning and becoming successful in all my passions. Direction and willpower are typical masculine traits and I completely agree with that. I was just not understanding if your statement was about society or on an absolute Truth level. But now I agree.

Thanks, helpful reply. Yes, since I've started studying post modernism I'm becoming very aware of how I have an important female energy and feminine side, along with my main masculine/mental energy. I asked the question because I didn't understand why men (and women) are not free to be themselves according to society. Masculine energy should be about following your own direction and passion, not about following social constructs and stupid provider roles (the same for the wife role for women). Both masculine and feminine energies are free flowing and fluid, even though in different ways (yang or yin). It triggers me that society tells me to become a father and a provider, because I want to do whathever the fuck I want, and I believe women are capable of providing for themselves.

I don't want to sound like the classic materialist, but.... isn't this just suggestion and hallucination in the brain because of meditative practices?