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SELF LOVE JOURNAL #4 Everything is going to be alright Yeah. As long as I am willing to reconnect with presence and being, everything will be alright. There is no way to get lost, if you don't get lost in your mind. Mind is always screaming, worrying, dividing, judging and fragmenting existence. Mind is afraid because it want to keep everything in control. Abundance rises from being. That's why we meditate, self inquire and explore consciousness. We recognize that the mind is becoming toxic and our existential cage. I was tempted all day to worry A LOT. In the end, I forced myself to be present and to look at something for several minutes, or just feel my body without thinking. And I returned back to a decent amount of peace and stillness. But the mind always tries to return. It's going to be hard, but I'm going to master the monkey mind. I want to reconnect with being. I want to reconnect with self love.

I've been away from this journal for some days, but I've kept my onenote journal updated, everyday. This one is more of a shadow work/insight journal, for the most interesting self discoveries and self reflection. Today I have worked on my future brand. I want to start my own self help business. I no longer find satisfaction in the nine to five job, and I feel completely out of place. It's time for the big change, it's time for the evolution I never dared to try. It's now or never. I wanto to bring my newfound authenticty and self love to my future business, I want to help people find passion in their life and compassion in other people, relatives, friends and strangers. I want to learn deeper connection and teach it to those who need it the most. Yeah. My last psychedelic trips have shown me that this is not my place anymore. I'm here to learn Love, and then to teach Love. I'm going to appreciate my nine to five job, because I recognize it's still part of my path of self discovery. But then I'm going to leave it as soon as my project starts to take off. It's going to be interesting! An adventure. I've been a nice guy for too long, now it's time to become truly authentic and free. It's going to be all right, keep believing in yourself ? the path is open.

MINI INSIGHT #8 My path was prepared exacly for me I'm starting to notice that all my problems, all my challenges, all my needs, all my desires etc... seem to be all linked to my life purpose and my interest into awakening. It's almost like someone put me here in this condition to push me, to motivate me, to show me what I am and what I need to do to rediscover myself. All my self-hate of the past. All my self-insecurity. All my fears. It's all related to this path. I am here thanks to those. My interest in awakening has risen from there.... Yeah. Maybe it was all right all the time. I'm not awake, not even close but... Now I can sense that the present moment was never appreciated by my past self. Now I am starting to recognize the immense and exclusive value of the present moment. The present moment is somehow my essence, my home. SELF LOVE JOURNAL #3 I was meant to arrive here, starting from self hate Yeah, I might have been wrong all my life, thinking that I was a victim. I might be no victim, just a blind boy with no clue that he's been put here to learn and to rediscover his true power. I don't know what I am, for now. But I know I am here I am the perspective of reality Because my reality is the only real thing I have So... I am the only one who can fix myself There's no one else viewing my perspective. It's just me. I don't know what or who I am. I'm not enlightened at all. But I'm starting to see that.... Life is just my own perspective, my own present experience. I want the best for myself ???

I understand that after your awakenings it seems like there's no point in teaching us, but can't you see it from the perspective of helping other parts of Consciousness to wake up? Your life purpose was and in my opinion should still be that one.

But... is there a singular form of God? Since it has an infinite extension, its true form is not human. This singular form certainly does not use the five senses, which are a limitation of human existence. That's why I say that our five sense must be some kind of illusory information.

The curtain is our human senses, right? What's behind the curtain is a state of oneness where there's no sensory information. Right?

But... why does God play as the devil? Following this logic you might just say that our own ignorance is God's fault.

I'm baffled So what's the role of the ego? I mean... on a very very deep metaphysical level. You stopped talking about it after the last major awakenings. What's the point of creating a completely random identity who actually RESISTS oneness?!

I don't understand this part.... does this mean that all those awakened monks and yogis we see are just imagination? Does this mean that the only entity that has to awaken is myself? But isn't Consciousness divided into infinite probes who have to awaken on their own? As you said in the "meaning of life" video.

I forgot... SELF LOVE JOURNAL #2 I am here with myself, I care for you (me) ?????

HEALING THE SHADOWS #5 I've never had such a fast paced healing in all my life! Today another healing moment. This one too was triggered by a deep anxiety moment. Pain seems to be a huge signal and stimulus for growth. I've seen in my life that suffering is often an indicator of huge misalignment. >>>> When I'm not living authentically I suffer, that's what my shadows are trying to teach me! I've never realized this until today. I've been living in a lie, believing that I am the person that everybody has told me to be, since I was a kid. I am NOT a shy guy. I was told that I was one and acted like it. I am NOT a nerdy guy. I was told that I was one and acted like it. I am NOT whatever the f*ck they told me. I am not. My past life is a lie. And the best part is that all of my past doesn't even exist because it's just a random memory, it's just a collection of images in my mind. I can be what I want. I only have to learn how to let go ? I AM FREE. I AM ALSO MY OWN JAILER. I need to embody all these healing insights into my everyday life. The suffering of today has brought me a gift. The gift of HONORING my authenticity. The gift of being whatever I want, because I am not a defined person, I am what I feel like. I am free expression ? I need to embody this, I'm going to embody this. (I've also bought a book by Teal Swan to learn more advanced shadow work techniques) I'm going to become the best light and love that I can be ???

@Leo Gura Isn't this the point of siddhartha's path to become buddha? He left home exactly to discover that pain and desires are a videogame roleplaying; a creator forgetting about creating a fictional character. Isn't it like that from your experience too?

@Leo Gura You generally (and zen masters too) talk about awakening as the liberation from the illusion of the "videogame character". In this discussion you say that you are still trapped in a body, and that's absolutely true, but.... Doesn't an enlightened person perceive its ego and body as just a videogame character that they are playing? I'm not saying that an awakened being has no bodily desires. I'm sure zen masters have desires. What I'm saying is.... does the zen master recognize that he is just a videogame character and that he is actually the videogame creator? This should create some sort of separation from the egoic desires and his own awareness. Of course he feels the needs, but... aren't those needs perceived as a videogame roleplaying? So what's the point of awakening then?

HEALING #4 Today I've had a very important release ? I have felt this emotional distress and existential pain for some days until today. Why do I have to suffer? Why am I so lost? Why did I endure all this pain? Why can't I find peace even though I meditate and self inquire? Why why why why why why? I've battered myself so much today... that at the end... I completely lost it. I started crying this evening. I've had 10 mins of intense crying. And I was suddenly happy ? Yeah... I actually want to be free, I actually want to express myself. I actually want to STOP ABUSING myself. This opens up a new section of my journal: SELF LOVE JOURNAL #1 ???????????? This is for you. This is for me. I won't let you in the dark anymore. I've done shadow work for a year just to arrive here: I have now realized that I have let myself in the dark for so long.... I'm SORRY, but I actually love you. I accept myself, I don't want to abandon myself anymore. I'm sorry, NOW I'M BACK ?

I love this topic. I've been on the shadow work path for a year now, and still going. I've healed a nice amount of my fragments but I still need more. I've only used the Julien Blanc method so far, in Transformation Mastery. It's a very basic and "awareness based" method. It's not so much about love, but more about observing the trauma and the insecurities. I think I'll check the book by Teal. I need to step up my game with SW, because I'm still too basic leveled and I lack the Love component of shadow work. Awareness is still not enough, I need to learn how to love my shadows. Do you recommend more "Shadows before dawn" or "Completion process"? I've seen that the second one should be more about advanced shadow work. Am I right?

Nice report! Which psychedelics have you tried so far?

He wanted this thread I believe ?? He's very funny and lightens up the mood a lot. Every post he makes is full of random hearts and random emojis, it's really hilarious I appreciate ? @zeroISinfinity

>>> TRIP REPORT and insights 2nd Ketamine Trip - 55 mg plugged This dissociative trip (my second one) has been very weird. I got out of the experience very confused and without a clear answer. A lot of monkey mind and random anxiety, but also great moments of deep contemplation and deep stillness. Insights: 1. I need to learn how to connect with every psychoactive substance. Each one of them has its own language and method of contemplation/giving you insights. You have to learn to listen to them and to connect with their unique chemistry and tuning of consciousness. Ket seems to be very still, silent and non-stimulant. It has zero visuals, zero effects. Only stillness, peace, detachment and clarity of mind. It teaches you with silence and a deep sense of awareness. 2. I am already free, but I am also my own cage. I have the capacity to become free right now, and yet I don't do it because my self image, my ego, is structured in a way that keeps me in a precise psychological shape. This self image keeps me stuck and makes me feel anxiety, stress and fear. But the K-trip showed me the FEELING of being already free. The space inside me, my formless state, my true identity is already free. It is always free. But every label and image that I keep about myself keeps me in the cage. Yet I am free. I am already free. I am the one who created this cage. But where's the key to get out? I still need to find the key to exit my own cage. 3. My shadow emotions are there. They are clearer and more evident right now. I have to reintegrate them with breathing and with freedom. Becoming more in tune with my freedom is the best way to reintegrate the shadow. 4. The meditative tunnel is the way. Just after the peak state of my trip, I have sat down and started meditating. It's been an AMAZING experience. My mind started to slowly dissolve, and my sense of being started to move into this internal space, like some kind of space-time tunnel in total darkness. I have felt a strange feeling of moving through this dark cosmic space with just my awareness, and losing slowly track of my body and my human mind. After some minutes I decided to quit because I was becoming scared of this wandering into cosmic void as a formless soul. It's been truly amazing and liberating, but also scary at the same time. I've learned a new way of using psychedelic meditation to reach new states of ego dissolution. My ego was slowly fading away, as I moved across this cosmic loophole. I'll come back.

Thank you, @Serotoninluv. Amazing contribution and wisdom ?

The report is simply AMAZING and magical. No doubt about it. But this segment here is so freaky and... eerie. I'm not there at all as a level of awareness, but I guess that when I'll reach it it's going to be the absolute collapse of "normal" reality.... I guess you can't fear other people anymore after this event.

(QUICK) HEALING #3 Today I've had some other small explosions of anxiety and insecurities. I've sat in meditation to listen to them, but the real game changer has been placing my hands on my heart and just accepting the feelings. Giving them reassurance and this emotion of "patience" has calmed them down and created a small safe space of equanimity. I am thankful for this amazing insight. MINI INSIGHT #7 You are always tripping...? I've done one of my usual small walks around the park of my neighbourhood, a contemplation/self inquiry walk. I've noticed that I am somehow always tripping, it's just that I have already labeled as "normal" everything that I see and experience in "normal reality". But... if you look closer... you will see that objects stretch and morph just like in a psychedelic trip, sounds appear out of nowhere, random sensations change, random tastes, random feelings. It's just that we are used and trained to label them as "normal". But they are not normal. It's just a way of making it "safe". The ego seeks reassurance and safety, seeks "normalcy". Nothing seems to be normal, it's just that what we experience in a psych trip is not mapped and not labeled. But you are always tripping. At least that's what I seem to notice.

Shadow work was and still is a very important spiritual practice for me! Thanks for the video. I think that shadow work purifies the body/mind complex to make it a better superconductor for Consciousness.

I have some small experience with visualizations and affirmations. They have helped me to change slowly my personality for the better and my way of living. Now I want to start to achieve financial freedom for myself. When using visualizations, I have understood that the FEELING is the most important part, but... Should I use always the same scene or can I use different scenes with the same emotional/feeling content?

HEALING THE SHADOWS #2 To heal, you must feel hurt first Today I've had several moments of internal crisis and being triggered by other people, and then realized later that it was just a projection of my own shadows onto others. This deep wound that has emerged in the last few days is actually a process of spiritual healing, because in the past the shadow was NOT in sight, and thus it was not hurting. Now it's hurting because it has started to heal. The first step is always to bring it up, in sight. Making it visible. Now it's the second phase: you already are seeing the shadows, and it's time to reintegrate them by processing the pain and applying awareness and love to them. 1. Unconscious shadows 2. Revealing of the shadows 3. Pain and awareness of the shadow 4. Loving it/becoming fully aware of it 5. Reintegration - Becoming whole again I've already done it in the past with other minor shadows, and I can do it with this bigger shadow too. Before accessing the Truth, you must heal your soul I can't have major breakthroughs in awakening and spiirtuality withouth healing deeper into myself. This emotional damage was revealed to me exactly because I was not ready to access more deeply into my self inquiry. Ketamine showed me that I am indeed not ready to go deeper into the truth. I need to become purer and cleaner first. And that's what I'll do. The temptation to look for happiness outside I still have this major temptation. Social media, movies, videogames, and ESPECIALLY looking for happiness from other people. This last one is massive. I have to remember myself daily that the key to my freedom and happiness lies within my emotional health, not in the outside world. I'm gonna make it.

Thanks @Nahm, amazing content, amazing contribution to spiritual seeking. Very comforting too ???