Mikey

Have you ever been in a room filled with people you didn't know, or maybe you just didn't understand the purpose of the gathering? Like say it was to hang out but there wasn't any food, or a live game on, there were no board games, there was no alcohol, and so on... Just a room. And these people seemed to have quite fascinating stories about life, relationships, and so on... but the main point or topic just seemed to be so uninspiring? Like why am I even here if I'm introverted, I don't know these people, which means I don't care. But at the same time, you see how they're bonding and you ask "How come I can't do that?" I've always wondered, that this is Hell in its entirety. Seeing other people happy and socializing, while also feeling worthless and unmotivated. How do I become ok with this? Would it be more egoic to leave the room, or to stay in the room? The point is, if I stay in the room, I am left with bad feelings, and I feel like I'm giving off a bad vibe. Almost like I'm just straight up disrespecting them if I don't say anything positive in the next 10 seconds. Like... does this mean I need to stop contemplating complex matters and focus more on enjoying people's company and boring stories? Like it's some blind spot of mine and the ultimate challenge of life and also they key to awakening? Maybe...

Also, a video you might enjoy.

@5-D - L O V E Try NA meetings in your area. NA stands for "narcotics anonymous" or "never alone" and is very spiritual. You could also try gratitude journaling, or forgiving those who have hurt you. You can even try just forgiving yourself. I feel for you. Hope this helps.

Gratitude. I am thankful for... I love this person... Today was good in a sense that... etc

Just have boundaries. Once boundaries are clear in relationship then you can be yourself and no one gives a shit.

It's called addiction. Like when you go to slots at the casino. This is a sign your mind wants to shut off. Ego backlash? Could just be anxiety. Don't be dependent on your phone. Use it to write down thoughts in your notepad, or to set an alarm, or to watch videos when you're bored. Not as a source of happiness.

You're a go getter. You have a little voice in your head telling you to socialize, socialize, socialize. You want to grow, but you only want to water your seed. You need sunlight for your seed to grow. I was an extrovert in high school (or fantasized about being one) until the day I realized I was losing friends because of time and the way the world works. My friendships were codependent, and I wasn't making an effort to get to know other people outside my friend group, because I was already so deep in my own. But this wasn't the problem, the real problem of mine was that I was actually an introvert trying to be extroverted, and didn't give myself space to see my true nature. I was suffering, just like you are. I had a big heart, just like you. Still do. But now that I'm more comfortable being alone, I met new people. I wasn't so worried about sharing my own knowledge, but of just being present. Huge gamechanger was finding Leo's videos, and meditating using his "do-nothing" method while also doing a concentration meditation before that. Presence is all there is for me now.

I was disturbed while meditating, hearing sounds of birds chirping, the buzzing of a saw being used next door to me, and kids stomping around upstairs. But then I had this insight, and it came from a book I was reading earlier about the brain and overeating. It said something about whenever the brain had a list of ideas to choose from, whichever idea was most apparent, it was the one sent to the part of the brain called the striatum, where it would ultimately be used to send signals to the body (feelings) such as hunger as a form of "expression." This made me think, that the idea of noise disturbances while meditating making me mad and causing me to have angry thoughts, that it was not just a feeling of discomfort, but an expression of discomfort. And I sort of detached from this self, the "me" who was angry, and was able to see that these were just sounds. They weren't actually harming me in any way. I haven't given it much thought, but I was wondering if this is what some people do while meditating, or if it's unhealthy and sort of "disassociating".

I totally have been contemplating love the passed couple of days, after watching Leo's video of Outrageous Experiments in Consciousness. I meditated this morning and couldn't stop thinking about why it's so hard for me to give love, and came up with the reason that I find it's hard to find understanding (or truth) in love. For instance, a mother will love its child unconditionally, however the motives of the mother will sometimes be from her own ego and not of being actualized and true to her kid. My mother, for example, is a Christian, and I am not. I have this notion that for me to love her, I have to see first how her ego is in effect, and therefore I am not unconditionally loving her, right? I am judging her, while she is judging me. But she thinks she's loving me unconditionally, from a mother's perspective. This fucking infuriates me, and any time she tries to win me over with her charm, I immediately want to vomit because of how her ego must be conjuring up some agenda to fuck me over. Tldr; my mother is a Christian, and I am atheist. I love her because she raised me (somewhat) but I have a lot of resistance to actually showing her love unconditionally. And after writing this out I'm kind of getting the idea I just need to balance out my time with her? Not being so bipolar with how I love her, but really moderately loving her, even though that sounds sort of..... on the spectrum? Idk. Thoughts?

@Illusory Self I know I just created a topic of basically the same thing but tbh just start small. The most important part of good work ethic is just being there. That's what my mom always told me. You don't have to be productive, but just be there. Just sit in a chair instead of laying down. Then maybe stand up if you feel like it. Just put your intentions on being present instead of on escapism. You say you haven't grown, but everyone grows. Even if you do backslide, you gain perspective. You have more "inner game" this way. You want the "outer game" but you're not focusing on within. You have to be okay with just being.

@Rob06 I think deep down I just am not feeling a deep connection to whatever it is I want to do. I have this vision of being someone who's great and changes the world, but it seems to me that changing my daily routine will just make me miserable. I like freedom, I like being spontaneous. I don't like things defining who I am, like labels. I have this all or nothing mindset, like in order to be successful I must be miserable. And it's not like I'm hanging out with friends all day everyday. Only like once a week. But I'm really struggling to just bite the bullet. Do something for my life purpose everyday. I do think about it everyday though, if that helps. Idk maybe I need a therapist. But the last time I had one we ran out of things to talk about, sat in silence for about 3 minutes and I said I guess I'm done. LOL

I have an issue. I realize there are many things I could do to reach my true potential. I want to do them all, or even just one of them, but I have a lot of resistance. I think this comes from a lack of self worth? I'm thinking it's because of my perfectionist mindset, but at the same time, I know if I were to do these things to better myself I would be happy (exercise, read, etc) anyway, I would like to know more about this. Because I have addictive behavior, I usually don't like to do things that don't give rewards(dopamine) in a timely manner. So I would like to know, how to unlock my true potential. How to change my habits, without compromising my self worth every time. And before you say just do it, like Shia LeBeouf would say, I have tried "just doing it" and it never works. I guess I just don't have support? Idk. Whenever I try to accomplish my goals I seem to just like, lose interest fast. But then a few days later it comes back but I remember the trauma it gave me, and then I focus on that feeling too hard and give up until the feeling comes back stronger and then try to do it again. Thanks.

Hey guys, so my question here is how do you interpret Leo's "do-nothing" meditation technique and how does his technique contrast with just sitting? From my take on just sitting, it will simply allow all neurotic thoughts to flow through the mind, whatever they are in that moment. From my take on his method, I think the two are very similar, comparing his point of "letting go" with just sitting and "allowing". Letting go can be quite confusing to me, for example, what gauges should I use to determine what is worth letting go? Is awareness a form of manipulation? How do you let go of awareness? Is letting go of it a form of distraction or manipulation? I am asking not only for me but what do other people think of this "do-nothing" technique and am I just going to have to search within??