My confession. I developed a huge groping/public humiliation kink.

[Stella1976]

 I am a 48 year old married heterosexual woman.  I was groped by this small creepy ginger woman back in February 2018 (you can see my original post   about that https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/21235-how-should-i-go-about-telling-my-husband-i-was-abused/#comment-228172 

 

It started a huge groping/public humiliation kink for me.  I can only get off properly to sexual assault. When I had sex with my husband,  I got  wettest and orgasm fastest if I closed my eyes and imagined myself getting groped in public. I just wanted  to get groped in public again so badly. About three weeks ago it started happening again. Another short skinny weird woman started groping me in public on every occasion. She is groping me whenever she wants in public. She squeezes my boobs or slaps my ass in passing.  I am  something of a curiosity to this small woman due to my clothes,  height and curves.
But it honestly doesn't bother me. On the one hand, I feel like I should have made a big deal out of it, out of principle. But on the other hand, it feels wrong to act like it bothers me, when it really doesn't. The feeling when out of the blue this woman's hand is touching one of my more sensitive bodyparts, maybe caressing them, squeezing them through clothes - this does turn me on quite heavily.

I would never want to be groped or touched in a dark alley way or something but in public setting i like it for some reason. I am completely addicted to the humiliation of being groped in public by this short skinny woman. This groper is feeling me up and humiliating me in front of virtually everyone in public situations. My curves and height have been sexualized and/or objectified by every sex or orientation. But  these  small women  think they have a free pass. Like "I'm not a man! Im aloud to grab these boobs and butt cheeks!" I become so obsessed with public humiliation.  Just thinking about me gets me so wet. 

I am just letting other women to grope me in public through clothes. That is my kink. But why am I enjoying it? I must be traumatized. I am enjoy it but i am  not physically attracted to these gropers.  I am a big woman. I am a fairly "robust" woman; i am not fat or anything like that, I am"big-boned". I have a healthy figure. I am 5'10 tall and i have a very large breasts , side hips and big butt. They make me look huge. I definitely feel safe with these small tiny women gropers because they are physically harmless. I am much bigger and physically stronger than this groper. Maybe subconsciously i know that this short skinny woman is not physically threatening to me at all. But i admit to you that if a tall, fat or muscular woman starts groping me and rubbing me, i will get upset. 

 

 

To be honest i would like to be groped by men. But that is cheating. I love my husband. Groping by women is not cheating, because i am not sexually attracted to these gropers. I do enjoy groping from women, but i am not attracted to women. That is a big difference. I can only imagine myself in a commitment with a man. I can't find women attractive. I let this small women to grope me, but I’m not attracted to her. Emotionally and physically women just didn’t do it for me.

I am aware that i am traumatized. I was  sexually abused by that small ginger woman back then in February 2018. But It started a huge groping/public   humiliation kink for me.   I enjoy being publicly groped by this small woman.  I am STRICTLY hetero. I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. I am a straight woman, I love men, simple! I am a logical, thinking woman, college-educated. So i accept that something is wrong with me. I  like being publicly humiliated. 

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Maybe i developed this kink  because of the menopause. I am 48 years old , but i am still not in menopause. I am scared of menopause. I have this fear of losing appeal. I have become really insecure about my looks and overall attractiveness. I have worried about my husband not being attracted to me anymore.  As a female with very high sex drive this question is always around - will my desire be totally killed with menopause? Or it's possible/it happens to go through it and still wanna have sex ? 

Edited March 5 by Stella1976