A newbie's archives (trip reports)

[Daniel123]

I thought that I would gather my trips in one thread instead of creating a new one each time, like a documentary of my psychedelic journey as someone completely new to psychedelics.

For the sake of completeness, I pasted the report of my very first trip from three weeks ago:

 

First some context: I am 31 years old and have been interested in meditation, self-observation and self-development since I was 20 years old.

Today, I experimented with psychedelics for the first time, marking the beginning of a wonderful journey.

I had wanted to try psychedelics for some time but was always a bit deterred, mainly due to legal concerns/sourcing issues. Recently, I found out that some LSD variants are legal where I live, so I decided to try 1D-LSD. I'm a fairly cautious person, especially when trying chemicals, so I thought 70 ug would be a good starting point, especially since I'll be doing this alone.

I decided to trip on a Saturday, had no plans for the rest of the weekend, and had taken care of my responsibilities for the week. After waking up and showering, I took the tablets and went for a walk outside until the effects kicked in. It took about 20 minutes for me to start feeling the initial effects and 60 minutes to reach the peak. During the comeup, I felt some nausea and a little headache, but I was prepared for that.

Upon returning home, I noticed visual changes; patterns in the carpet were moving and flowing into each other. It felt familiar to me; I had similar experiences in the past when I used to meditate more regularly and frequently than I do now. I sat on my meditation cushion and was amazed at how quickly and effortlessly I reached beyond my thoughts to the sense of "I", which sometimes is difficult for me. I could literally watch the sense of myself oscillate between small and human to impersonal and expanded. This, too, felt familiar, as I have been practicing self-inquiry for some time.

After meditation, I had breakfast, and while eating, I burst into laughter without any apparent reason or funny thoughts. It just felt right to laugh, and it had to come out. Then I walked through my room, letting my gaze wander over the walls. I noticed details I had never seen before.

In one part of the room, I have a picture of my brother who passed away a year and a half ago. I believe I have processed his death well. However, I sat in front of the picture and burst into tears. I cried for several minutes, convulsively, as if I hadn't cried in years. But I wasn't sad; over time, I cried out of gratitude. I was so grateful for the people who accompanied my brother and my family. After that, I felt lighter than I had in a long time.

Slowly, I realized that the drug was wearing off, and I decided to take another walk in nature. The colors were still more vibrant than usual, but barely noticeable. I felt a great inner peace and thought to myself: It is possible to live like this every day. So connected to life. And yet, sometimes I am too lazy to do the groundwork for it.

All in all, it was a very mild trip but it showed me the potential psychedelics have. I am looking forward to experimenting with higher doses in the future.

Edit on the day after: I had trouble falling asleep, so I felt a bit groggy the day after. I don't know if it was just because of the lack of proper sleep or maybe some lingering effects of the drug. In my meditation session today, I was able to go more easily into my self-inquiry than usual, although not as easily as yesterday. Will be very interesting how long some of the effects will linger.

[Daniel123]

150 µg 1D-LSD

This is my second trip with 1-D LSD. I took the tab at 9am and went for a walk outside until it took effect. After about 20 minutes the first visual changes began. On my first trip the peak was reached after about 60 minutes, but that didn't happen here. The peak was reached around 11 a.m. and lasted until 2 p.m.

During the climb I became impatient as the peak was later than the first time. I even thought about re-dosing, but luckily decided against it.

I was sitting on my meditation cushion, meditating as I came up, when suddenly I started shaking. There was an energy within me that needed to get out and it found its way out when I started crying convulsively. Like last time, it wasn't crying out of sadness or pain, but this time it felt like it was for the purpose of getting rid of that excess energy.

After the crying stopped, I cowered in the corner. I had both hands on my heart and hugged myself as tightly as I could. I felt so vulnerable, like I had to protect something I've held in my heart for a long time.

I sat on my pillow with my eyes open and looked into my bedroom. The whole room looked like it was contracting and expanding. I sat there and had a hard time identifying myself. The self who owned the room had faded into the background and the connection to the life story was almost severed. I was simply here as an observer, but without a story.

Then I lay down on my bed and put on a sleep mask to keep out as much light as possible. Despite my best efforts to create a dark environment, a blinding brightness appeared to me, bathing my field of vision in white light. The light changed into a scene of green fields and a children's playground and as the scene appeared, I became the scene. I was the green meadows and then I was the children's toy. I laughed out loud at this absurdity and identified with my body again. Then my identification changed again and I was now a triangle. A triangle! How is that possible? I laughed as if I were a mental patient at this bizarre situation.

I realized that identifying with self is an important part of survival and that one is constantly and continually creating and maintaining new identifications. Seeing this mechanism happen so quickly, away from survival motives, was fantastic.

All insights were constantly interrupted by loud laughter because everything felt like a cosmic joke. Any forming of shapes and thoughts was just to entertain me. I kept hearing myself saying “Oh wow, oh wow.”

I had a glimpse of what infinity means. I had often imagined it before and knew that the mind could not grasp it. I also imagined what this knowledge must be like apart from the mind. It wasn't like that. You cannot put infinity into words, you can only experience it directly. All the words felt like they didn't have nearly the capacity to convey something so meaningful.

Suddenly I was completely flooded with love. I could feel every sensation, every emerging sensory perception, being woven from love as they appeared to me. I felt my heart couldn't handle this much love and overflowed with it. There was just too much love to contain, it had to flow outward beyond the boundaries of my body.

I turned back and forth on my bed and reached into my sheets. I felt myself becoming one with my bed. I was a mutant, half human, half bed, completely intertwined with it with no discernible dividing line.

This all happened in about 60 minutes, but it felt like it took hours.

After the peak was over, I had a strong urge to go outside. I was now flooded with a deep sadness. Everything felt empty. My car, my job, everything I had worked for seemed absolutely meaningless after this experience. I almost felt sick because I was wasting my time on unimportant things that were so devoid of essence. I was a person without meaning, without direction, without function. So I sat on the side of the road in the sun and watched people drive in and out of town in their cars. I was a silent observer with no identity.

Little by little, my old self came back and it was exciting to watch it slowly rebuild itself. The sadness gradually gave way to an inner silence that still lasted several hours afterwards.

[Daniel123]

150ug 1T-LSD (formerly mislabeled as 1D-LSD)

Today's trip was extremely emotional for me and a significant experience.

Before taking the 1T-LSD today, I decided to go swimming and then walk home. Arriving home, I already noticed that this trip was going to be very body-heavy and less head-heavy. I was somewhat exhausted from swimming, which certainly influenced the trip.

First, I meditated in my darkened bedroom as I was coming up, and when I felt the peak approaching, I lay down in my bed. Every touch was full of love, and I constantly pulled more blankets and pillows towards me, squeezing them tightly to revel in this love-filled feeling.

I tried to stretch my arms and legs as far as possible to embrace as much of my surroundings as I could and share in this love. I realized that I have enough love for everything within me, but my human arms are not sufficient to distribute it to the same extent. I realized that my human form serves to regulate my infinite love down to a socially acceptable level.

Then I had the realization of how often in the past, out of ignorance, I have sought external love and hurt others in the process. I spontaneously began to cry and apologized to all those I had harmed.

I got up and went into the hallway where there is a large mirror and looked at my reflection. At first, it was very strange, and it took a while for me to become both the one seeing and the one being seen simultaneously. Eventually, I suddenly realized that despite the endless love within me, I was having difficulty extending it to my reflection. I realized how much I fear being loved and that I had never told myself in my life that I love myself.

After this realization, I collapsed and fell into a fit of crying. I felt so sorry for my little self. I said to myself, "How dare you withhold this love from yourself?" I sat on the floor and hugged myself as tightly as I could, stroking my shoulder like a loving mother. It was emotionally exhausting, but it felt good.

After some time, I went back to the mirror and looked into my eyes. I realized that for the first time in my life, I was truly meeting myself at eye level. I looked at myself like a lover looks at their beloved. I brought my face close to the glass and noticed that magical moment one feels just before a kiss. A moment that feels eternal and in which everything is silently said. It was such an intimate moment, one that I rarely even experienced with girlfriends in this intensity. It's hard to put the immensity of this moment into words.

I realized that my love is the only thing that makes me complete. In the past, I had always tried to discipline myself and almost treated myself like a slave. In the future, I want to meet myself more on equal terms. I will probably have to work on this frequently and revisit this moment, but it feels like a significant turning point for the relationship I have with myself.

Edited March 23 by Daniel123