I cant connect with people

[Estige]

Hi! I apologize in advance for the giant text... 

These days I've been reflecting on why some things don't seem to work out in my life...

I'm one of those people who can't maintain the friendships….. I have very few friends, only one of whom I'm pretty sure enjoys my company... I feel like people feels a litlle bit tired of my "observations". And I'm also very closed off, I can't bring up interesting conversations, unless the other person has a profile very similar to mine.

I'm a healthcare professional (dentist... no jokes, please, lol ), and I really like my work... it's the way that makes me feel a little bit connected to people, but it seems that my work isn't going forward… Sometimes I feel stuck, as if everything I do isn’t working... Many things are going wrong... I'm very anxious and think a lot about the procedure, but not so much on the patient... And I feel that this "energy" has always accompanied me in my life in other situations, and now it accompanies me at work...

So, I think I realized that the problem might be in the way I connect with people... I feel like I've improved over time (like a human being)... When I was a child, I remember being, perhaps, cold?... and very practical/objective for some situations. My older sister has always corrected me throughout my life on these issues... For example: to give more attention to grandparents; not talking about or questioning something that might be uncomfortable for the other person (but I had no idea that it was something uncomfortable... You know?).

However, I’m still feeling this "distance" from people... It's like as if I can't see others as the full human beings they are, and their needs. I still don't have much “common sense” in some situations. I'm a very sincere person, and sometimes I don't even realize that what I say can lead to a specific thought for someone else... I only realize it later, when I talk to someone close to me. I feel like people get me wrong sometimes...

Lately, I've been taking cases thinking about the money I need. I'm not a mercenary or anything, I’m just worried with the bills I have to pay... These days I followed a dentist friend's appointments, to learn a few things about behavior and handling with the patient, and I found very interesting the way she connects with her patients. Her patients have become her friends and have been treated by her for many years. She has a very special affection, it's something really impressive to see... I admired her work when I saw this, because I saw a real connection that I honestly don't have... She is very human... Sometimes I feel I'm just pursuing my obligations... despite I love what I do… Do you guys understand what I want to say here? Because it's something that I can't even describe in words, I'm so "rigid" in that sense...

While I'm attending, I try to be very affectionate with my patients, but I can't feel an extra connection, in the sense I mentioned above. Like, I'm not expecting to see them again (since the problem was resolved), or thinking about them, if they are ok, if the treatment went well, how is their lives going... 

The question is: Does what I feel make sense? This is normal? How can I improve on it??

I know there is no "recipe" for this… But maybe trying to seet this situation in other perspective...? Any help?

Thanks for whom read this until here.

[mmKay]

hey, welcome to the forum 😁

When sharing your story with the purpose of getting some potential advice, its very important to be clear about what you want to get advice on. Don't worry, lack of clarity is very normal and it's something everyone has to work at in the beginning.

From what i've understood, you are not satisfied with your people skills, have trouble opening yourself up and therefore struggle with making and keeping meaningful relationships,  and often feel anxiety at your workplace because of technical procedures and not knowing how to create a degree of connection with patients?

let me know if that sounds like I got it right,  or you would want to add something else, before we elaborate further

Edited February 19 by mmKay

[Estige]

@mmKay thank you for your reply... It's exactly what you suggested... but, there is a thing that made me think about it...  When you ask if I'm not satisfied with my people skills I think that a skill is something that I can learn. And... Can I learn and apply in practice, but this "learn" will help me to feel the connection? Or will I just replicate something I learned (how to act, how to be, what to avoid) ? ... I'm not sure if I can explain what I'm feeling right now about it... but I think that I can learn a skill but still don't feel a connection with people... Does this make any sense for you?

[mmKay]

There are different degrees of " feeling the connection".  Different people have different levels of Empathy genetically. You would have to try explain what do you mean with specific examples out of your life. Have you ever "felt the connection" before in your life? What was it?

Everyone is different.  Literally. Check out our Freaks of Nature post to see how extremely different  people can happen to be :
 

Have you ever considered that you may have Asperger's,or a light level of autism or something like that? It would explain the reason for many of the struggles you've mentioned. Read a little about the symptoms and see if you feel it resonates with how you feel.

THIS IS NOT NEGATIVE!  It's just so that you put things into proper perspective and are more compassionate with yourself when it comes to people skills, that you need more time and experience to improve, while you are stronger or above average  in other aspects of life.

And you may absolutely not even have anything like that, and just need more social experience and socializing, If you happen not to have socialized a lot in your youth, like myself.

Edited February 19 by mmKay