Deep Awareness Vs Suffering

[LRyan]

I changed the topic title ...and I re worded this a bit.  I don't want it to have a religious tone...

..I was going to say "I" am struggling but then I want to correct that and say my false self is struggling or maybe freaking out or trying to sabotage what I know.  I have been drifting between a lot of different material and some of it turns a light on that is so bright and I feel so at peace. I'm so sure that I need nothing more.... I will put the books aside and I know I've found "heaven on earth"... so to speak, not a religious thing.... It's a knowing that all is fine and nothing really matters, all my fears worry drops away.. then, after some time, usually after the outside world comes in, the old pattern or habit comes back and the Story of me creeps back in... then suffering returns to some degree... or at least the mind and thinking of why can't I stay on track comes back in...

I have realized a lot of things, it's not the lack of knowing who and what we really are. My mind can understand it and my heart believes it.  Then I can go further into the inquiry and realize that our body and objects in our field are an illusion created by consciousness so that it can experience life as a human being, just simply for the experience.  

i know all this, no amount of other material will make me know more than what I know.  so why this yoyo?   I have heard it takes time to drop the habits of the false self?  Let's be honest, no one wants to admit the back and forth but don't we all get caught in it?  Unless you are living in pure awareness because some realization has completely shifted your mind and you cannot see from the false selfs eyes anymore.  I feel like the back and forth is a form of suffering.. ? I don't entertain much negative self talk at all, the negative thoughts are about why I can't maintain my sense of peace...

 

Edited April 7, 2017 by LRyan