Scream to Eternity (Part I) Awakening

[Galyna]

TWO SHADES OF ONE ENIGMATIC EXPERIENCE

Memories like piano’s key slowly come from far away. How could you ever try if it’s even possible to explain your feelings?! Always imprisoned and always lonely, one on one with emotional palette. And as your lips touch a rim of your coffee cup, emotions have already awoken, burning slowly in the soul’s furnace.

Mental images, facial expressions, fragments of phrases recently said by the loved ones, are revolving in your head. Writing about feelings and emotions is challenging, as these are so delicate, subtle, and ever changing.

How does it feel to carry something special in your heart for decades, wake up one morning and… realize that it will become real in a matter of hours? What kind of life mystery stands behind this event? Meeting your true Self that was thoroughly hidden in the “closet” of your soul for years.

Anticipation is not even the correct word to describe everything that was resurrected in your soul within hours prior to this Enigma. This feeling is saturated with deep, indescribable, yet hard to comprehend need that is lying deeply, under thousands of vails of the your conscious mind.

Something enclosed inside is breaking loose, building up the tension, like a snowball that is rolling down in the backyard of your psyche, getting bigger and bigger. This “something” has been patiently waiting and treated above and beyond all the manners and expectations. How blindfolded do you have to be to create the land of illusion and color it with all possible shades of “your” imagination? Thus, this illusion became so powerful and overwhelming that manipulates its own Creator.

Admit the failure of your own will power; you are not in control, nor have ever been. Turned into romantic prisoner of your desires, you are waiting for something you cannot completely obliterate from the thoughts.  Maybe some childish call within your core nature leads you to this meeting, something very dear to your heart. And the very fact of pampering this need empowered you through years, by giving you more strength and faith into rosy, yet always escaping future.

You’re trying to analyze it with logic and every time you approach it a bit closer, it’s gone even further. “Your” reality is shrinking from years, days, months into hours, minutes, and seconds. You have a couple more moments for a sweet fatigue before the curtain will be lifted. One side of “yours” is frightened; it would rather be living in the cage of unknown, than be given away forever, breaking up this illusion like a mirror. But at the same time something subtle, delicate, and so precious gives you a complete confidence in this never-ending Infinite Fantasy (Maya).

 

Edited January 10, 2024 by Galyna