My results so far from a month of game/pick-up

[enzyme]

Since last month I've been traveling to the city in my area during the weekend with the intention to approach anyone I found attractive or someone I'd maybe just be interested in getting to know.

I'd mostly walk around the mall area and stop by all the quirky/nerd places like the manga stores and hot topic.  Most of the time if I saw a girl I liked the look of she'd be with some friends.  I guess if I was super desperate I could've approached regardless and just spoke to them as a group.

There were only a couple of instances where I could've approached someone but I got too passive and just walked on.  The first time was when I noticed a girl making direct eye contact with me and smiling as I walked by - got the impression she just liked the look of me - but I only smiled back and just kept moving.  I was kinda bummed at myself afterwards for not stopping to say hi even though it didn't cross me at the time.

The second time was when I noticed a girl lighting a cigarette.  I got the inkling to approach and ask if she had a spare I could take.  I don't consider myself a smoker - I've never bought a pack, only ever smoked when I got handed a cig - figured it was just a good opener I could've used.  I wussed out though which I beat myself up for but in hindsight smoking a cig would've been pretty yucky anyways.

After a certain point I noticed myself only doing game during the daytime.  One day I decided to stay out until it was night and hit one of the bars followed by this popular alt/metal club afterwards.  I didn't get a hotel room; they were too expensive.  I decided I would just hang around for a couple hours after the club closed until my train home arrived.  I didn't drink alcohol since I've been out the door with it for a while and I knew it would make me kinda sloppy.  I was just hanging out the smoking area for a while.  I kept my body language open and I was just enjoying being there more than anything.  I decided not to put any pressure on myself.  Eventually there was a girl who came by and said she liked my jacket (I wore my leather one with some patches I sewn onto it, a trans patch and a Nirvana pog).

She invited me to come over with her other friends and I got introduced to some of them.  She brought her other friend out with her who was also new to the place and didn't get out much so it helped that we were both on the same boat.

To summarize the rest of the night it was meeting and talking to plenty of other people and I eventually got to kissing her and got her number (her friend's too).

I'm still a newbie but if there's pointers I can give from these experiences it would be these:

• It can be very easy to beat yourself up over missing approaches or having an approach turn out awkward and not working.  As shitty as it feels it's also shitty to be sitting alone back home and feeling sorry for yourself.  So from that perspective I didn't feel as vulnerable walking up to people at the risk of being rejected anymore.
• There's not really anything perfect you can say to open.  It helps if you say something relevant to the setting you're currently in e.g. if you're in a library or comic store, you could ask him/her if anything catches their eye.  Mention you're looking to try out a new series of a comic or manga.  Ask if they like anime.  D they like this particular author or this particular artist.  There's all these different strands you can flow through that there's no right or wrong thing to say as long as it's relevant somehow.
• If you're doing it during the day, consider giving it a go during the night time as well.  Even if you don't like bars or clubs.  You don't need to drink or smoke.  Generally speaking people who are out drinking are gonna be more receptive to someone approaching them since the alcohol's made them let loose.
• Have compassion for yourself but don't let yourself get too comfortable either.  It can honestly feel like you're about to cry sometimes because of the overwhelming sense of loneliness and rejection.  You can take pride in yourself for having an approach not working out.  At least you approached.  90% of people simply don't have the balls to approach directly.  You'll feel so much better about yourself when you're back home knowing that you actually took a shot at it.  And if an awkward situation happens again it's not gonna faze you as much anymore.

[thierry]

Go club go club