Perception = limits? Am I stuck?

[allwins777]

OK
so you have these let's call them conceptual dualities - good vs evil - which are pretty obvious to break down when you get to a certain threshold you can clearly see how gray everything is. Form vs formlessness, chaos vs order, male vs female - this is all human mind stuff, inner monologue is logic-ing around, constructing narratives and models and so on.
BUT THEN
past - present - future breaks down, all past and future are imagination, there is only the Present (capital P)
so you have this duality actual vs conceptual
direct experience defines actual, everything inside that 'feels real' right now, right in front of you is actual, every narrative and construct in the human mind is conceptual
Present is actual, it's experience. Past and future are concepts, imagination, fantasies, belief.
Let's focus on the Present for a second. There are these 'obvious' dualities that can't seem to just break down. Let's call them perceptual dualities. The human mind 'automatically (?)' differentiates things. I don't consciously separate the white background from the black words I am typing by imagining a difference. It's literally how it looks?! I look at a tree and it's form is constantly changing. My mind can't help, but notice the tree is in motion when the wind blows. 
Even if I clear my mind of all thought and just sit and stare nowhere, no focus on anything in particular, I am still perceiving forms, the dualities are unavoidable, mind keeps seperating.
So perception is limit. I am stuck perceiving and I can't 'look away' from all the differences. All is oneness, but I can't help but divide it with my human mind. I can't help, but notice some things are actual and some things are imaginary. It's all forms of Consciousness, it's all the same thing, but even if I recontextualize it all to understand the present moment as some infiinite material composing the whole perceptual bubble, the words and images in my mind and every gap inbetween, it's all still constantly changing - it's 'obviously changing. There is a weird resistance in my mind. To a certain extent, I can intuit that everything in this moment is a perfect flow of an infinite 'substance', but then something in me is like - look at this blue pen! it's blue! the notebook under isn't! OBVIOUSLY IT ISN'T! YOU ARE EXPERIENCING DIFFERENCE! RIGHT NOW!
My understanding is lacking. Consciousness is not just a substance. Differences are Consciousness too. Differences are not different than the lack of difference. 
I feel stuck. If it wasn't so twisted, it wouldn't be so fun, right?

This post is messy. I contemplate by writing threads. Several times I have answered my question as I write so I don't bother to post. Not right now. 
I am in the process of integrating a recent trip and it's messy. I kind of feel like I'm on the edge of an awakening orgasm, but I also feel like I am reaching for things above my level and I need to slow down for a while, then trip more.

You guys here, my favorite mirror, I ask you now - am I onto something? What am I missing? How exactly am I deceiving myself? Be gentle... 

[Theplay]

For me its a bit different:

I can kind of concentrate on all of my perceptions all at once and then I am not aware of the differences between objects.

The mind is the one that creates separation and differences in my experience.

When the mind is quite all is one.

Hope I've helped a bit.

Namaste