Newbie insights into how we enter state: test it out!

[Caoimhin]

Hey, thought I would share this thought I had while doing day game and practicing my social skills. Yesterday, I had a quasi-insta-date and ended up spending the whole day with her. My insight was into how we actually get into state. This helped me deal with the shy, awkward and creepy first few approaches that ultimatly got me warmed-up enough to get 2 phone numbers and a insta-date, all within only 8 approaches! Essentially, this reframe was inspired by Ryuu Shinohara's book on money manifestation called The Magic of Money Manifestation(I hope to write a review of it eventually!), the Sedona method, and just the general idea of developmental stages. In Shinohara's book he mentions that emotions have higher or lower vibrations and inorder to climb up to the highest vibration and manifest the good life, we have to recognize each stage we are at, embrace it, and try to move up to the one above it. Ex: if you are jealous, the next stage up is anger, some stage above that is doubt and so on until you reach abundance. My idea is that, of course this is the same for when we go out and practice social skills (it's the law of attraction, duh!). What if each night we go out we have to systematically go through these stages to get from shy/insecure guy(low vibration) into a guy in state(high vibration). State, of course, being when you are effortlessly charasmatic and have little to no fear or anxiety while in a social settings. 

Ok, here is my rough model, please tell me what you think and what your personal experience is.

isolated/withdrawn-> shy/insecure->awkward->creepy->sweet/friend vibes->charming->unshakeably confident(aka state)

The main reframe I hope to establish here is that if you are going from not sociallizing for a while and then back in, you will have to readjust and go through these stages again. Of course, over time the goal is to have so much exposure that you raise your baseline. The learning curve is also different for everyone. Some people who had a lot of social exposure and social success early in life and are naturally more extroverted might be sitting comfortably at a higher stage all the time. This post applies to them too, but is focused more so on helping the shy/introverted guys that are struggling to get through the uncomfortable early stages. Think of these uncomfortable early stages as the threshold guardians. They are there to test how much you actually want to improve your dating life. On the other side of these uncomfortable stages is the dating life you dream to have. Be awkward and shy for a few approaches. Then notice yourself being creepy for the next few. Expecting and embracing the lower stages will help you get through it quicker. Being creepy is actually a very important stage for the social learning curve. You are creepy because you aren't calibrated yet, this is how you reorient yourself with others. You need to test boundaries to see where they lie. When you are creepy you are being bold and testing what is acceptable. You learn really quickly what not to do or say, but you might even be surprised to find that something you thought was off limits is actually working to attract her. This girl I meet at the grocery store was looking at shaving cream when I approached. She hooked as we were talking about her shaving habits and how hairy her legs were(she was wearing sweatpants, I wasn't making a rude observation). In developmental models like spiral dynamics we learn that the higher stages incorporate the lower stages and build off of them. It took me being awkward and creepy first to know what is socially acceptable in order to move past just being acceptable. Something I thought would have been too personal to talk about actually worked out smoothly.

Tell me what you think! Hope this perspective helps! 

Edited May 7, 2023 by Caoimhin