Spiritual Autolysis

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #68  Wed July 30, 2025 6:55 AM

Samadhi

Lowers self: Hey, we need to talk about this voice in my head. What is it exactly? 

Higher Self: What voice? 

Lower self: This voice. This voice that I can hear inside of my head that is being heard by me and then being typed onto this screen. What is it? 

Higher self: I don't hear anything...

Lower self: What do you mean? Of course you hear something, we both hear it. It's right here. Open your fucking ears.

Higher Self: Nope. 

Lower self: Okay, whatever. Then I am hallucinating a voice inside of my own head

Higher Self: Yep, that is correct. 

Lower self: What is a hallucination anyways?

Higher self: A hallucination is something that is not real, it is completely fabricated and imagined. There is nothing tangible or concrete about it and therefore is no Truth behind it.

Lower self: But the voice inside of my head feels so real to me. I can hear it speaking to me. 

Higher Self: Who is speaking to whom? 

Lower self: The voice is coming from me and is speaking to me... Ben... The voice is telling me what to do, how to behave, etc .. 

Higher Self: Why do you listen to this voice? 

Lower self: I listen to the voice because I feel like I have no choice in the matter. I cannot shut this voice off. Therefore, it just feels like it is a part of who I am. 

Higher Self: Why can't you shut it off? 

Lower self: I'm not sure. But I virtually have no control over it. I am at the mercy of this voice and therefore cannot get any peace and quiet. I just want this voice to shut the fuck up. 

Higher Self: You can shut it off actually. This is what a samdhi experience is like. All of your attention is pointed towards one thing. This eclipses everything else around it and you dissolve into the experience of that one thing that you are focusing on. In this state, there is no mind, no thoughts, no emotions, just pure experience, pure nothingness, pure samadhi.

Lower self: Wowwwww, that sounds amazing. 

Higher Self: It is amazing, now get to work...

[Spiritual Warrior]

Interlude: Messages from Her

Lower self: I am no one. There is no me. Don't you see that? There is no me. I do not exist. I, the person that I believe myself to be is not real. He is not a tangible thing. I've created a story inside my own head.

My true nature is that of an infinite shape shifter, that can experience anything that it desires. The issue is that I will not allow my mind to get there. Why is that? 

Her: Fear.

Lower self: Fear... But what is that? 

Her: Fear is what keeps you alive.

Make your story beautiful. Cherish life. Dream up the most magnificent dreams that you can possibly imagine. Your hearts should be bursting with love and energy, spines tingling with joy at the majesty of  existence. 

[Spiritual Warrior]

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #69 Fri Aug 29, 2025 8:57 AM

Chapter title: Content vs Structure

 

This is quite literally the one and only journal that is worth keeping up. Nothing matters but Truth. I will not stop contemplating until I have hit a little point called "Done". I've made a vow to become Truth realized by August 27th, 2027. This means that I have two years to discover the Truth

Higher Self: What is something that is true? 

Lower self: C rex. Consciousness is all that there is. The universe and thoughts and all that is outside of my awareness is pure fantasy. Any theory about how the earth came about is all bullshit.

Higher Self: What does c rex mean? 

Lower self: It means that consciousness, my direct awareness is all that exists, it is quite literally the only thing that I can confirm without a doubt. All this other shit about the cosmos and the universe and infinity, it's all.... Bullshit. How could I know any of that is true. This is the mistake that I have been making, my head is in the clouds, thinking that the Truth is out there but really it is right here in front of me, "hidden in plain sight."... Creating theories about the infinite universe, I am God... No.... These are all beliefs, your job in Truth work is to find out what is true without a doubt and where would you start if that is the case? You start with your direct experience here and now... And my direct experience is telling me that I am aware, I am aware of what is presently happening in this body, in this brain, in the current environment around me, that is what is true. But don't get this confused with the content of the thoughts and the things that are happening in your life, those are not true, that is the content. This is exactly what Leo is talking about in his video "Content vs Structure." The content is false, the structure is true. Do you see that? Now watch this full 3 hour video and this concept will start to seep in. 

 

 

[Spiritual Warrior]

Interlude: an example of structure vs concept in my personal life

 

The goal of wanting to have a jacked and shredded physique. Is that content or structure?

 The way that I "look" or are perceived is the content. The structure is the life surrounding the jacked physique. What does it take to have a jacked physique?

1. You have to work out regularly and consistently, at least 3 days a week. 2. You have to eat the right amount of protein for muscle growth (150g)  3. You have to eat the right amount of calories in order to have the energy to work out (at least 2,000)

 

What about the goal of having a clear head? 

The clear head is the content. What sort of structure would a human being need in order to have a clear head?

1. Meditate every day - meaning you just sit there for 20 minutes 2. Eat clean foods - all organic and nothing processed 3. Drink plenty of water - at least 64 oz a day of clean water

 

What about the goal of becoming spiritually enlightened? 

The enlightened person is the content. The structure surrounding the enlightened person is what kind of life he lives in order to become enlightened. What would that look like?

1. Journal every day, contemplating "what is true" or "what am I?" 2. Attempt to access a state of not-knowing throughout your days in which you are fully engrossed in the current moment 3. Read spiritual books about enlightenment

 

What about the goal of being a ballroom dance champion?

The vision of being a dance champion is the content, the structure is the lifestyle surrounding the dancer. What would this lifestyle look like? 

1. Work hard at the technical side of dancing. This means 30 hours a week on just dancing ( let's take a trial run and see if this is too much or too little, I've never measured this before) 2. Develop the look of a champion in the way that you walk and carry yourself 3. Take coachings to better your dancing on a weekly basis

 

What about the goal of building your dream home?

The goal of building a house is the content, the structure is the steps that the human has to make in order to make the content possible. What would this process look like? 

1. Pay back all of your debts ( Projected to pay them all back in March 2026) 2. Start saving a portion of your paycheck after March 2026 (10% maybe) . 3. Save up $30k by March 2027, this would be about $300/ month 4. Should be able to buy a condo in 2027

Edited September 4 by Spiritual Warrior