Reflections Flow, Expansion&Contraction

[ValiantSalvatore]

I am early moving my message from tomorrow to here, and I love my mathematic professor at times, for showing these simply abbrevations and short cuts, I was fking good at mathematics I lost patience. I might need to update my graphics perception  I don't know what good graphics are at times although I became way way way more attuend to this, yet I would need a 5-10k PC to test this stuff and this is ridiculous. 

I have 12GB video ram with a 3060 stuff. It does well to integrate my inner libertrian my non-sycophantic conquistador that is able to big dick the world! *sees girls shacking their heads like my mother when I pronounce my dictatorship at the age of 12* *Imagines old psychologist laughing as she'd see I am serious about conquering the world and would support, instead of gaslit me!*

I am amazed I solve this, this is also a bit of the issue with mathematical people & stuff, I remember a lot a fking lot when I can do it and I generally am back quickly. 

Tomorrow I have a date with a more compatible girl the most compatible till now from all. The worst possible thing to date for me are social workers and overly social people I notice it does not resonate I need a smaller group and mid-sized. Anyway I am out. Cognitive load is great. I'll drink one vino & I planned my week. I have to go to the gym early because of the date I notice.... 

No vino and one chill video game. I sinned with eating a whole cake when I went out grocery shopping(only sweet thing I bought) I hate this. They also stopped buying milk, nobody buys milk they all buy soy. 

I won my game against way way way higher ELO players. I learned from mother Russia, yet was never allowed to grow into full flower :(.

 

Edited May 15, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Did 45min meditation.

Will go to the gym for a detour and hand-in some stuff and change to early meditation and stay clear generally of bitter women who are just interested in marriage & children. Who are not doing yoga and are degreless mostly and social workers. I don't have good experience with bitter women. 

The point is some I am different I hope many realize this and I legit got damaged by toxic feminity, a lot when I was younger and this is counter-intutively only 20% correct and I have to digest 80% of the b.s thought. 

I will meditate now also early in the morning instead of showering first, as my neighbour keeps moving her chair. The main issue I see currently is with lower stages even Green. I even do better with orange, and integrated trauma at yellow also can look delusional etc. 

I don't have to much time. I stop racing against the clock.

• I am grateful I am not dating & meeting bitter girls who act like they know something about male sexuality while having read 0 books.
• I am grateful for learning the art of attracting girls and becoming and beign more alpha (strong German notion)
• I am grateful for feeling more like a strong leader as well as appreciating feminine girls and not logical creatures 
• I am grateful for noticing how consciouness is giving tests and how repute might play a larger role
• I am grateful that my mother showed me what a RGW can look like even, when she was not fully there if she'd just stopped smoking earlier she would have been RGW

To let every girl possible know, basically every girl that just works, sleeps, fucks is acting on evolutionary purposes I notice, and there are heavy manipulators in this area. I trust Leo on this to not use it , yet I might learn it on accident. I already did by machine learnings sake. The point is I can create my own case & a lot of hypergamy is played out. 

It's better to be direct & clear in this area I notice. The point is my mother was a good girl when I see her she has a good character she is just not simply as highly developed, and her habits also spoke for it. She would still hit the gym like Arnold if she would not be sick and is consistent a.f. 

I am changing massively. Let's become hyper sober.
----

I am taking a break this survival paradgim and Leo not talking about the mystery method makes it tricky in my mind to reconcile as I get framed like this and he get's away with stuff because of projections & skin color, not to blame the guy & white men, it's just the angle he is projecting also still includes for me the hyper sober aspect, especially as I am free to train now etc and get plenty attention from girls in current chatrooms it's fine. 

Last date is today. I got some pussy even if it was just one and I notice the billion of mistakes, still I do have to open & close apps and focus on stuff. Similar to my friend who is more responsible with dating etc. 

Edited May 16, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I am now officaly in exam mode 2 months before the first exam starts, I'll push the message of tomorrow here again, so you see it's approx still 2 a day, I planned the entire week & I notice I do better without game the stories of these guys are so amazing, especially one person. It makes my plan even more vivid, I just need some muscles & pictures. As well as upgrade my portfolio the same job opening is still open and I have some experience in this, the google certificate might have changed the thing, all I cna say for now besides getting some help. 

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

1h notice what?

• Contractions of pain & fear at heart space
• Disentanglement of it also a lot of lethargy and pent up energy
• Restricted love feelings and higher emotions of joy and purity of freedom & liberation

I am grateful for new matches & likes even when I am not actively dating
I am grateful when my neighbour is more quiet and I can get rid of socialist notions of happiness to pro-create for family
I am grateful for good weather and early mornings and that I can feel emotions more
I am grateful for the girl who keeps calling me handsome and greets me every morning like we're a couple for 20-30 years
I am grateful to see that logic & analysis can cause bitterness
I am grateful to take action and that I am back at 1h meditations 

Doing this allows me to work more fluently. 

 

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I am moving this forward, I do have to say I do have to do stuff more on my own than I thought which can be an issue with dating, especially and I am dialing back already, this is again the message of tomorrow moved to here. 

The point is I am fully focused on growing, and I might at one point just go out solo, when I am more independently established as I then simply careless. There is also no other way, I don't know what type of thesis to write and I do have to ask the guy tomorrow for more information. The contrast is to odd, my old university was extremely good if I would have taken the full computer science path. The point is I might have to rely on escorts legit, to get cravings meet, as well as just with timing etc. and options I have here, I can enjoy the best as far as I can tell. I don't enjoy relying on this, yet going out can mess up schedule enormously, especially with the energy dip with injury, I don't get as much joy and normal social circle to get girls is an issue. I made multiple mistakes, and I do have to do stuff mainly on my own. Also ask in the group more, and read these books it's heavy how fast I can apply and create wisdom & information. 

I legit have to play more hypergamy, it's to much effort to create personality out of nothing and it's still odd. Anyway I can't reflect otherwise more properly besides following the current two paths and apply for a workstudents thingy and continue to apply etc. Do data structures and courses for free that cover beyond lectures etc. It's an inevitability and I need to get to know some people for party & approaching that are younger, that gives a lot of access, yet they are such norm dogs here. They just social bumble. Also my computer science friends need a fking glock 9 directed to their skulls for their fking nice betaness you can't fucking act like this the whole time, you build so much resentment and manipulate and avoid the whole time omfg. 

It's odd and I am again just so different, the point is I see body language quiet well, I just never acted on it. Because they all see me as the precursor for body language ever since I am acting from yellow as even yellow... includes larger behaviour freedom. 

Anyway, this would be to long. I integrate more and see if I can get my new friend to game sometime. German game times are also incredibly fking hard man this country their are such fking animals on health if your health deteriorates you're fking done to some level and build via technology and ressources etc. 
---

The point is I am out of the system and within the system that is the issue... I can only create from now on. 

Edited May 17, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

1h meditation

I had a rough intuition why I choose this path as well as how it will infold I do get visionary during meditations I just stopped them for to long and I can draw insights from the subconscious visioning and do some conscious injections as well. I do will go into full tech route and most likely conjoin with the new friends I've made and simply contact the career service and workout, currently to find a girl at yellow is impossible if she did not have an early realizations and many of them have and are aware of trauma I feel. Spirituality in this region is also not to high only other way I could meet girls is at yoga there are billions of them and sexy ones also, otherwise I am prone to have to go the more capitalistic route. 

The point is what is bothering to me I re-calcualted the money I could have made with ETH it was close to 400k, and it annoyed me as I often backfired the intuition when I thought why not go for it and keep track? I enjoy keeping track. I just need a foot in the door I dunno if I can create what I can create, yet I can enjoy the life that I create and the life purpose I feel I had to much doubt, and I did not know where to get support. I simply could have opened some threads here, even when I felt so shit, yet instead I harboured resentment because of the general lack of support and the valulesness with which I feel I have been treated and people saying then victim mentality etc. I thought fuck that and did what I thought was best to move myself out of the situation which was working out and optimizing what I could, yet I was not maximizing enough. The point is I don't know where to find business parnters and just finding a girl is insanely hard these days corona made it more difficult to socialize and de-socialized an entire generation partially to some extend, that it's just a discord show of some sorts. I legit might approach just some girls that I enjoy seeing, yet the blue pilled hypergamy driven academia with green values and to many foreigners who enforce this instead of green/red that had more potential to get to yellow is an issue. I see it with the DL prof. and the Math Prof. it's like science v.s female inventor&engineer more, as well as feminist, while the other is like we create a weapon to defend humanity, the other ones thinks we can use this to help humanity?

I find it odd, the main issue beign to many forgeiners who keep it to blue at times, and hence me having less connections the point is I became good at it, and they are so lazy that I get the responsibility etc. The point is I don't enjoy leading blues as I am lost often times, and they don't like this and act like angry dwarfs without a plan etc. It's like they have to learn first darkness?? Maybe I am off. 

• I am grateful I match girls even when I am not actively dating
• I am grateful I drink less alcohol and found joy in drinking the occasional red wine for some classy vibes
• I am grateful I finished my degree even if I did not exactly achieve what I thought I could achieve
• I am grateful for deepak chopra audiobooks as well as for the new group I am in showing me how real attraction & dating actually is
• I am grateful for my mother still supporting me and not beign like these "trashes and garbadge cans of girls" that can exists, she is just normal.

That is mostly it. I don't have that much time to reflect and act more. The biggest point is I could have approached girls often, I had so much fear of socialization even when I went out billions of times, I legit yearned for normal socialization I partially got it, yet it's a flip to find a hot girl there. I do have to see. No idea how much consciouness and everything I did can help me here.

---

Good thing is tech certificates and tech degree as well as working out and selling myself better will pay off, I was so fked the last two years and the stress also caused my injury to be worse etc. 

Edited May 18, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Post dropped: Because of timer today is holiday = free posting, all I can say for sure for now is that I am going to masterly manage my career and move upward and apply to a big city and name, the fundamental issue is finding & doing free courses and certificates and then selling myself, just let alone this one network opportunity was nice, yet I do have to say building relationships takes fking time & effort. If I ever could be specific I would choose to do A.I with phones as I don't know to much about the big stuff & I am still exploring imagine!! As these fields are so broad and they interconnected so much, I have to do certain stuff in my free time basically and get a work students thingy and build my career that way, I also see plenty of double standards when it comes to girls and companies nowadays that bothered me in my bachelors as there are different treaments, it's seriously an odd space to be in.... all I can say for now. I definitely went to rebellious for some reason that was not good..... 

I wasted a lot of time, because I was so annoyed at these racist type of memes and holiday taking stuff, and the guy now has the best career option possible I can't believe it... I wonder what I resisted.... I should have just ignored it, yet I was so influenced by feminism at that time as I feel in love with this girl and took this so serious it was fking bad, and the same shit happend also with stuff, the point is for them I am so masculine I don't mind the feminism! It's important, yet the key issue is simply you don't have enough power to fking support me and you gain stuff that I don't in these days, I see this also with black girls they are partially so toxic, the more orange the more toxic the black girl it's incredible. 

I am now in abosolute fking absolute fking builder mode and I most likely turn stage 1, yet this is the most I can possibly do, I never felt so happy also yet I'll have to do a lot of mathematics and stuff, that I naturally enjoy the joy was just taken by failure perceptions etc. If I can get something sustainable I am pretty sure I can find something with a bit of effort, the point beign I take action and focus on generating life purpose & career. My goals change weekly, I also don't know what to do entrepreneurial wise, as I took tech still. I'll see when I talked to the career service I might get some connections it's stupid and I am in a better region now etc. etc. 

There are so many dreams and interconnections I'd like to build a need a video camera and for sure some other stuff. I'll play one video game and then read, do coding etc. All in all I am not good at generating an income, as I had my mother as a role model and she only spends she never thought about making money, and my aunt was so busy creating a living space she is not approachable, and most who were interested in business. I was a wreck back then in contrast to where I am now and where I was. I just have to create some entrepreneurial stuff. For now I stick with what I've learned. Finding quality girls without yoga will be so fking tricky. I might ask the guy from game, also when I am closer to having finished stuff. I just simply can't tell what to do as a side hustle, as most things and passion have been taken from me and I could never flourish do to injury etc. It's better for me to focus on two things max. only one thing that is fundamentally tech stuff and teaching mindfulness or smth. and investing etc. I don't know how else to create an income, I'll talk to the career service they should have a better clue of what is possible given age etc. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I am just focusing on creating now multiple business and ideas, and see what is possible by informing myself as well as reading about sex, I neglected this so fking much you can't believe it. I'll focus and see what I see growing and is not to hot in that sense. Not overvalued & overhyped there should be billions of openings and I definitely have to check-out "popular" & unpopular stuff and generally write down and create a new vision board mine is soooo done there are 3 pictures etc. On there I'd say this is it, it's better to create a business idea I find more like minded people who have an entrepreneurial spirit and this space here si number one I just have to see to not be abused my "ideas" often lead to either unique branding as well as -> hyper -> as well as oh no but here pragmatic and useable, so I value a lot of reflective value etc. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

The other point is heading deeper into A.I with android and machine learning most likely I found some stuff see how I can apply the uni stuff, my profs had such a good impression of my entrepreneurial nature, the point is I never could apply it to mathematics as it's not good enough and I benefit to much from blueprints, so I have to create this on a budget and see what comes out, it should leave plenty of good impressions. Focus is on data structure and apps, I also had such little confidence in myself thanks to the attitude of my region and this tate like degen vibe. 

---

Ironically it was the techno people who gave me inspiration and these sounds also just let me focus on crafting while I am not craftign etc. I'll create inner abundance & the life I yearned for currently visualization is to exhausting it causes me to much depression as so much negative shit comes up, I don't know how to visualize even when reading books. The point is MY VISION ARE REAL NOT FANTASY THAT IS THE FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NI & NE PEOPLE I NOTICE EVERYTIME I AM A REALISTIC VISUALIZER AND MANY BENEFIT FROM THIS ALSO, I presume this is NI SE loop generally speaking... 

Yeah, I will create app in my free time and do mathematics I have new friends and I could schedule and do an idea research and simply create, create and create and create and create and create!!!!!!!

I was not able to reach my old dreams physically due to injury and just sheer limits in that manner and happenstance, yet the technology that is there for free I can use this. I was so blind & ignorant and the academic system I grew up in was bad in contrast to what I can get here. That is also an issue with not having enough liberals, and having to much centrist attitudes, the liberals cause some change definitely and they also help me the most every good fking damn time, the centrist just buy time the liberal creates time in that sense. I dunno how to explain & also space. This is it for now. I'll follow my vision and segment and explore to build on a possible even larger vision, the point is the entrepreneurial spirit and personal branding and passion. 

If I could I would love to do the following:
 

• Create techno type music & hip-hop
• Create app with ml working purely with android making this my nische
• Create internal abundance and get myself out there with selling
• Become an even better public speaker I am fking strong I could up verbals I see why philosophy and sophist are powerful 
• Create a digital brand of myself in some manner, with a.i & fitness you fking can't take it out of fking A.I Since the 1970's 
  • But sure be silent I can't at times how much you forget when you're intelligent
• Move to the U.S & generally become an investment master get to know the tools & generate an income, 
• Freedom&Autonomey if I will not choose consciouness as top value NR.1 it's impossible to get what I yearn for without capital
• These are all things I love at one place 
• Mindfulness coaching and retreats about this to give people clarity and get some friends who are into psyches move to this space more!!!
• Love still triumphs... to a degree possible vision etc. Consciouness is prio

If I could have taken my "liberal upbringing I wish I could have done & be":

• Pro in a video game & a.i engineer I wish to be able to do this, yet it's insane how much effort it takes etc. 
  • I'll have to spin this wheel and trailblaze and find stuff.... 

As well as work on consciouness with psychdelics I am so fking in new again to set all of this up, the new plan is coming I know what to buy & eat. I have a better structure I have a better place than ever. I have more support than ever I am gone from all old toxic friends and region, I am at a new place where nobody knows me and I notice patterns and symbols I definitely could take up synchrodestiny more! 

Key issue is sex&money currently to some extend, I just don't know where I can a hot girl with character the two seem incompatible, contray to the unpopular opinion in my old city we had this ironically, as it was frowned upon to not have both, also these were mostly ambiverted types of people. 

I also don't know to many, so I have to see. Create also a website with a portfolio I might even link this journal to twitter of mine, and just see how far interconnection is possible, look for camera angles for gym sessions etc. Let's see what out works what, specificity or deep concentrative interconnection and having a nische etc. Yoga for now is out without a more structured life. 

This is fundamentally what I can do and will do I have new friends who also go more into the business connection, and with a tiny bit of muscles and pictures and style I land some good girls, the point is how do I create a conscious place that includes tech & nature & psychdelics? Where also? Mexico??????????

These are als lifestyles and this meritocracy of cricle of lifestyle currenlty is spinningt to much in my head. I'd also forgot why Leo even goes shopping with girls, ever hang-out with a rich kid from a millionar familiy? The dude just went shopping to look for brands and ridiculous investmenet ideas and products to make fun of them with friends and get ideas and talk about ideas, what else did he speak about olympics etc.

Gosh I dunno I was blind-sided by do-gooders and lazyness of merit circle lifestyle. I do have to overthink this also etc. I definitely have to creare more ML style apps some stuff is still to hard and I can't fathom how difficult it is, and just do it over and over again etc. 

The point is I feel partially abused, as I notice how the marketing fking phlegmatic sanguine german hitler penguins ( one coffee to much) are acting like nazi professionals I would kill every presentation they hold, as they don't respect the basics, I forgot how important it is to have humilty with the basics and divine pride in achievement. 
----

Also more self-awarness about tendencies and characteristics I thought about strenght finder 2.0 stuff. etc. 
 

Edited May 18, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

01:48:08 Psychedelics: Therapeutic Breakthroughs & Depression 01:56:37 Combining Psilocybin Therapy & Talk Therapy, Antidepressant Effects

I don't know how often I suggested this and they were open to it, just unschooled, it's incredible how far trauma goes if you take 20+ doses of LSD, and do activities you enjoyed as a kid etc. I never heard of the term maladaptive wiring also, *sigh* with a bit more mathematics I could have modled neurons and stuff like this, yet it get's so heavy in survival territory and I did not have a proper opportunity my hometown is actually fking excellent, I just messed up tremendously and the panic & shame scolding of Germans could be a topic, like you grew up in the south of the u.s. 

I'll code now on the course etc. Enact the vision etc. *sigh* I wish I would have had the power, yet everything was fking closed that helped me. Thanks to covid. I'll drink the last coffee & code then do mathematics etc. Tomorrow I have a new appointment again for the gym, just with a check-up and some feedback. 

I wrote to the career service my "old" vision is pratically still alive I just find it tricky to do game, without the orange liberterian stuff as this as masculine energy is dominating the whole planet. I could read more, I'll code read 1h and then code and do mathematics etc. 

So I post in my insta etc. I certainly chilled a bit to much today and building the whole time is simply better.  The gym where I am at, I also basically have a new female friend, so I might party etc. I just have to see and talk her up at one point etc. 

Edited May 18, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

All in all despite all mistakes I am doing well. In some manner, the point is developing and putting a bomb linkedin and online portfolio I was training so hard for "not only online-dating", yet spiritual growth etc. I was mildly at a coral type experience it felt like a mild psychdelic to do this and get out the sort of "anger&hatred" and digest it internally and through external matters. If I get to it I do a shaow work session I will now code etc... 

Given my personality I should be able to attract some stuff, I jsut have to put in the hard work now. *sigh* I dunno what skill I built etc. I hope I can still move to the u.s and finally get laid more... etc. The point is going out and approaching is hard and as a student in IT the plan is totally whack currently I can approach in the tube, while grocery shopping and just online all strategy the whole time.... 

Social circle is so unskilled it's horrible. 

Edited May 18, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

This definitely is the best I can do and I might pay for some courses to do it on the side, I looked up what is worth it and I have a track of a certificate, yet I definitely have to talk about the career thing 100%. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I am the only one who is in my way, I fall back to this security seeking pattern. I never thought about creating security through my own efforts by instantiating myself into some industry or art of work. I will just do that more and create this portfolio ...I feel scammed by taking courses I was unable to finish etc. and the offers etc. 

Yeah I did not know this as they were all focused to have that one good project....art shows you differently usually... so I am surprised by how practicallity can be in my way... yet I am in my own way currently. This is what I did not realize, I just do this also as a social reward and networking I might delete all dating apps also it's horrible atm.

This popped up I never watched this. I just notice how badly badly I need to this the art of seduction etc. Also these algorithms are not in my favour and these girls just yearn for kids in their dating profile, and nobody is going to practically give it to them, as they take it for granted and guys also want more than the average stuff. It's insane travel is most likely the most common denominator. I am out of all dating apps if this one also does not reply and just foucs on creating social rewards via networking on Linkedin & Insta and just jerk off etc. 

The pictures are also now to old to use them properly I could have had 3 dates, so I can't complain yet it's not the kind of girls I'd like to have. I hope the new training plan will do the trick etc. I just upload everything I see when an invidiual not a robot looks at my profile all of this would have been worth it, If many would not subtely guilt shame and legit build character even the girls perspective is correct the issue is charcter is also not there to pro-create only it's so harsh to see this when a girl reaches her thirties I will cry a lot when my mother is gone, as she is a good human at blue etc. yet she just lacks higher development it's unfortunate to see I made her laugh also again with my rascal identity and it's a good feeling to say this stuff, yet I have to make exaggerated self-references I love this. 

This level of narccism is also fun. I am out and will upload everything I learn etc & focus on beign social instead of online stuff. I made my current research. 

Edited May 18, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Let's see I killed the vine, I do have to take pratical measures and upload stuff I lost a lot of intellectual drive because of arrogance and I don't find similar visionaries they also don't care. They just do mostly. 

I definitely get matches, yet I just have to take new pictures & stuff, main issue beign just having more girls as soon as I get one match I loose all interest in game & stuff. I'll see what happens I just leave it for now a bit, this is the last post as the holiday ended. 

I am not very happy where I am at, and generally without deep conscious experience.... every retreat I took made me 15-20x happier than doing game etc. The point is doing stuff consciously the group is annoying with it's evolutionary purposes, yet it's so rampant somehow I attract also mostly the opposite of this. So I'll use some techniques and leave out the toxic stuff.

If our whole goal is to reproduce you might as well just finally end me, this is the stupidest notion I have ever encountered, yet I can't deny survival. I don't get much joy out of intellectualism, I don't feel like they would take me seriously here, as they lack "philosophy", they are just workers. I am sleeping gn8... 

Hope the plan will workout... and I am out of this mostly.

[ValiantSalvatore]

Last two girls before I go revisit some stuff, and upgrade I am not really manifesting and I am not applying the game directly I am beign unsocial and uncalibrated in a sense instead of fun chill and aloof and to judgemental. It still feels as though I am not exactly where I am at, and I don't know exactly what to do and I could have simply to much negative energy, if I get into a space where I have more fun I get more girls and social stuff alike, the issue is the subtle mechanisms of hypergamy as well as how ridiculously good these people are and to many opinions. 
---
I just re-focus on myself and delete alll apps and use career networking to be social and create some stuff and ask some questions....

[ValiantSalvatore]

I don't meditate today, because I drank some wine and listen to some Leo videos as I am out of the group and build the portfolio. I listend to the gaslighting episode, it's better to integrate my reality with shadow work and continue with the mindfulness. The point is it's all about success in my reality to a great level, and many are pulling me down by not seeing how important success to me is. Character does not get you success. That is rare. 

I fear the truth that I am unable to create stuff on my own it scares me the level of independence I need to have etc. 

Edited May 19, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I listend to the part to attract girls from Leo & how to get laid. Next week we have a whole week off. I could do all of this more enjoyably and effectively. Use the computer the apps mess with my head completely. As well as pick a day to purchase some new clothes etc. I'll also should feel a stronger pull to wake up I still have internal ressistance at blue etc. I will code now and continue with my plan etc. Time is certainly not running away and to stop racing against the time is good. The point is there are many deeper contemplations I'd like to do, yet even with a degree I have to see and talk to so many people 

This is also good. I did not see that to admit mistakes is high self-esteem, as I continously do, sigh... I definitely could hit up my friend yu more. The guy has the same issue as me like we both care about our face and fascade in a sense. I generally get along better with asian guys & girls for talking & taking action. I don't enjoy how hypocritical many "white guys" are as they manipulate and skew things heavily in their favour without noticing it socially. It's very obvious so I enjoy talking with asian guys & girls as they see the same thing often, yet nobody of them talks about it, as they only have a black heart. Yet not a thick face. Many are not good at projecting an image. Anyway this was a brief exchange.

High self-esteem more likely to record interesting ideas and cultivate them, they value the productions of their mind. Low self-esteem won’t even record them

Self-esteem flows with reality, self-doubt fights it

Willingness to admit mistakes

Innovators/entrepreneurs need high self-esteem to move away from comfort to explore ideas

High self-esteem seeks challenging goals

The higher our self-esteem the more honest and appropriate our communications are likely to be, as we believe our thoughts have value and we can communicate not fearing clarity

We feel most at home with peoples whose self-esteem resembles our own

• Use Tinder online & Bumble on PC when you start again
• Buy new clothes
• Push career in anyway you can see and seem possible
• Join the camera thingy on discord
• Use the PC for all apps possible the phone messes with my head at one point
• Re-focus on career & consciouness 
  • I have one girl left in my pool of 3 possible girls this week (I'll boost my bumble weekly once, as I bought a lifetime option)

Generally stay away from doubters -> move away from comfort I generally set challenging goals at times to challenging. I have new insights and can get new feedback. There are billions of micro mistakes I see where others would be oblivious and just up their status. I also can copy some gifs from a funny girl in this chat for chats as she was the same humour, yet simply is more intelligent and in tune with our culture, the humour gives me access. 

I am doing shadow work then meditate shower & then simply study and get the best old self back that was there and is lingering and focus on the new self emerging. I should not have invested in Crypto without flipping and seeing hot trends and to gamble etc. 

Also stay away from people where I notice mental health is draining. I'd like to embrace the full me. The point is appreciating basics. I feel fear changing values I look at the value section again and might change some stuff out completely such as honesty & personal growth and put in exellence & mastery. This is better for me as a human. I love to be an expert.... at blue etc.

Edited May 20, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Doing shadow work the the so called sexist me girl as well as white gay dude and mental health, subjects and health subjects in general where I get loads of projections:

3:

• It feels like there is a lingering pain in me that sees is unable to make fun of itself and enjoy the roles humans put onto each other as it's all imaginery it takes imaginary stuff for real tangible stuff
• It feels like there is a side in me that yearns to be playful with girls & teasing instead of full of shit & self-protecting
• It feels like there is an identity in me that holds me back from sexual depth, and screams goodness goodness goodness like a pathetic wiener
• It feels like there is this pathetic wiener in me that uses girls and women in a socially accepted dynamic to protect himself, as due to perception of beign a minority can't stand up for myself at times
• It feels like there is a powerlesness in me that can't deal well with concrete identity and roles, as it notice it's manipulative force and how dangerous selflesness can be
• It feels like there is fear in me that isolate myself and participate in beign more selfless as I am a beautiful funny and big cock equipped human I neglect my toxic merit side that turns pain into gold
• It feels like there is an issue with gender at times that I can't quiet put my finger on 
• It feels like the conservative in me is yearning for success and busting through illusions concocted by libreals to have power to not see themselves as loosers within society, as they are unable to wield power mostly
• It feels like there is a double empathy side in me the truthful liberal who is able to disqualify himself and create openess to explore form and sexuality & the concrete conservative identity that has to play the role of socialist pro-creator to feed the masses their pissy soup
• The girl was a tall seeming goofy type of girl next door, who turned her beauty into biterness instead of embracing it as to the rigorous left-minded step-wise orientation of academia 
• It felt like the girl had issues of beign seen as a looser, I felt triggered by this also recently 
• It feels like the gay guy did not enjoy it that my existence proofs that he has a gay attitude, yet I see this somehow very clearly 
• It feels like I am playing favouratism at times based on selling myself as an expert while noticing possible mistakes that are completely foundational 
• It feels like and plays itself out like there is this painful, shy introverted thing in me, that changed, yet is still just sucking things up at times 
• It feels like a lack of embodyment of accepting the harsh reality truth that I discovered and even going more into ghost mode and accepting these are lies and bullshit and the painful bitterness of girls regardless and or not are interested in taming a player like a wild horse
• I notice that I don't comprimise on my wild horse qualities and hence even get more alpha girls as I dominate them and they enjoy it, even just via texting
• I notice how the guy next door in me is a psychopathic sigma male masculine driven servant that is absolutely cold-hearted about his sense of reality and does not comprimise in it, even if it's totally wrong, just to not delude himself
• I notice how everybody loves this truthfulness in me as they see the purpose of their frustration, HA THERE WAS SOMETHING TRUE I KNEW IT
• I notice how I have been bullshitting myself on topics of race&social stuff where I can't fully put it out of the equation and I have to play with projections, as people are prone to collectively project
• It feels like there is an inner need to justify myself as many are curious out of self-gain not out of self-interest and I become resentful to friends a like for their concocted and fundamentally racist opinion, as they just scan their enviroment for believes and group-think etc. 

2: 

Let's converse shadow element, well talk about this and also get the angle of non-black and white 9w8's can we handle that what do you even need? That is a new question I gathered and I can focus on myself partially and not the mental health & health game I perceive humans love to play with their animal status perception and seeking even online, as they don't realize how stuff is constructed. Oh it's another point about social domination based on the stupidity that others can assess group situations better emotionally? You yearn for that? 

I though you yearn for that? Can't you see the issue of having to deal with people who are having a strong reality out of ignorance as they believe their reality is truth, yet they see just all the lies they constructed. Was this the reason I yearned for silence as well as an empty mind, as well as yearn to realize the construction of reality? As people force identity games onto you for their truth and social domination? What is your gift what are you sharing? You simply notice the emotional forces of social domination, yet you don't quiet get it as instinctively and are not as threatend by it, that is why you emotionally dominate groups as you're more honest with your emotions than 100% of people that you meet, so you have to hold back, still then shadow what do you need what are you teaching me to not turn this into denial? Is it attention & affection? You notice that don't you? That you've been made fun of for beign authentic and that the social dominante side of you could tolerate the self-enjoyment of your vulnerability? You are that intelligent, and you see how especially young kids play games without realizing how disgustingly useless you perceive them for having been granted opportunities, and this generates hate, as you in your reality had to work extra hard and people verified this. Is this the social spectrum you're talking about? You see that some are just naturally gravitating to power, while you denied it out of fear so often, you got a lot of it back in the social & emotional releam yet your professional leadership qualities have been suffering, as people can't at times understand slightly more complex instruction and complex is better than complicated, simplicity is the hardest to produce and everyone loves it. There is also bias there, yet how come this girl situation is triggering you, you had 3 dates riled up this week 3! Some get none, and gaslite and act like bitter bitches, what is up with you feeling it's not enough. 

Well shadow I am suprised you talk to me with me about this, as I thought this is you, we are not shadow boxing anymore we are dancing and I notice how there have been issues with the image I present as I am multi-facetted as many, and not as boring, the injury just killed new facetted I create remember thick face, this image is untouchable fake, real or not. What do you do notice? Due to injury I attract more lethargic people as they see the gym as lazy activity and just think working is productive. As well as what bothers you with the girl am I the girl? You certainly have moral standards like a girl at times, like you want the perfect boyfriend and girlfriend and even when you get it, you don't enjoy it as you enjoy seeing the mistake, you enjoy having something unique about the girl not something normal. Be it a unique personality and or character. 

What I notice is the following, shadow the injury costs me energy none the less as energy moves there I don't feel the same anymore let's not bullshit ourselves, you notice how well good energy feels, nature, cycling exercising even then and the stability it builds. You yearn for stability and social domination through stability, yet notice how hard optimizing this is and can be and enjoy the pain in creating it, why do we get triggered by distraction. You're perfectonism my friend!! Ta-Da! We are here again anger and pissed land! 

Great talking to you shadow I really appreciate the clarity here, can you tell me what you're showing to me, why did the saying to me I am sexist trigger me when I made a slight remark about identity. Who many identity triggers did you go through and work upon and digest? Most likely a trillion, so you make fun of yourself, you just notice you stopped empathizing with girls as you see how painful it was to be heart broken, and you idiot yearned for this as a tragic romantic 4 in the enneagram! You don't enjoy the time wasting initially in this bonding this is fine.

(shower break I did not feel to well yesterday, then I continue with this etc.) 

We are back shadow we are also officaly now of this forum hurray!!! We will go ghost mode!!!!! Hurraaay! Use insight time also and get off the energy that is seemingly not resonating and stop with meditation reports etc. AS well as the toxic new group etc. 

Okay, we both know now how this work and that these tech companies screw you over. Shadow what are we doing this is the longest session I stretched. What did I just see? Don't hang-out with girls who lost their drive towards feminity bro! You just integrated your animal! It's to move on and work harder. You see these girl don't give an f about your age as you have a somewhat provider and daddy frame to you, the older ones are just laughing because they are a bit delusional remember the good ones like how my mother and also her best friend act, they are not like this you know it and you see how this works mate! 

What is it now with shadow work? There were golden elements I got utterly distracted ...that your sense of reality is stronger than mosts and you dominate them, as you emotionally dominate and can make others feel guilty. Is there something else you notice? Dude these girls like to be dominated and raw even toxic masculine energy as this has become an emotionally manipulative bitch boy and girl festival without strong feminity and masculinity at lower stages stuff would be lost, that is what comes to mind currently. Can you say anything to that? What is the trigger shadow? 

Making money? Beign broke? Celebrating yougness and life? While doing consciouness work is that what you crave and need? YES YES YES GIVE ME MORE! Then you have to realize how much balance this takes no? The damage done and the joys are taken out of different places you see to go big, you have to go ghost mode, accept your introversion you see how fking dirty type of sex you get because of this, as many extroverted guys are so boring sexually you feel it in your gut. 

So what is it now?`Embrace identity sexually as a guy this will cause way more shadow work then you think it will. Anything else bro? This is the most time derivative deprived session I did, what is up with that, you notice how dangerous all of this is, and that you truely took care better this time, yet this forum is a distraction without the work. As well as you gave into plenty of distractions and fixed them. Now it's time to change and reap rewards. What triggered you was also lack of internal abundance most guys would not engage with a girl that acts as if their biological desires are the ultimate truth and undermines your sense of reality, this is not proper brainfuck and intellectual connection and psychological dominance, this girl got to you slightly as she is manipulating with an inferior sense of reality and you know it, and it's dangerous that is why I call it inferior. Green is bad! Not good it's not the stuff we need. 


1. 

I am the one who notices that he undermines his own sense of reality because of a believe in egaliterian principles and notices the issues with this
I am the one who is triggered by the notion of identity and gender as a moral harbinger of equality and when this sense of identity is threatend
I am the one who notices that the gender wars is an occupation of girls and going by type and personality & vibe and high energy is the solution
I am the one who notices conscious girls don't woreship evolution they appreciate nature and animals and the depth of evolution
I am the one who is acting insecure around topics of identity and social roles, as they are prone to manipulation
I am the one who is noticing that age & gender don't play as much as a role as you think they do, most don't care if you have a strong sense of reality
I am the one who realizes having a strong sense of reality and psychology is the most dominating thing possible as well as expertise you are acting as if you're god-like and a god-like spirit has possed you
I am the one who realizes the beauty to look up to gods and deities and god-lik moments and feelings
I am the one who acts like a sexist type of girl at times 
I am the one who acts like the guy next door, yet is secretly a psychopath 
I am the one who realzies the trapped masculine energy in me as well who now has the opportunity to act this out and learn more about it
I am the one who realizes age is just a number girls as young as 18-20 like me and I notice how a strong sense of reality is the solution to all of it
I am the one who realizes that I might need to engage with my old best friend he knows me the best he just knows my instinct and the devil within me
I am the one who realizes being unique and different is having a strong sense of reality and people who try to break that are weak and play of an concrete idenity
I am the one who notices that blending in can cause me massive pain of betrayl
I notice I have a psychopathic sigma male drive in me as I attract to many vulnerable people and could accept that I am better with alpha males than I originally think I am and these are strong "compatriots"
I am the one who notices vibe identity and locality is playfully shifting every second 

That is it for now. I am out utterly out for some months. I use insight time and I am gone beyond gone from here for now. Till I made some changes etc. Right now focus on career every second spent here is a waste of time. I am going into full unified builder mode with psychdelics I might not be able to push the research end, that I enjoyed pushing, yet I also stopped caring out of my own protection and sense of reality. This is not me. I would if fully functional integrate a robot leg, so I get my functionality back etc. 

I am out of this. For some months I only will do shadow work eventually here. Not even engage with anything no matter how hot the topic and engage with more real humans and ideas! I am out! Thank you for reading, this will only be a place for shadow work once each saturady and I might even do that online I left the forum from? 2017-2019 or 2019-2021 for 2 years, already once. As I was angry at the type of daily discrimination again, repeat, ignoring and build connect to truer humans and also seek girls who look good, don't kid yourself that you don't appreciate beauty and also care about her. 

I am out I found stuff to integrate and take some time for myself. No I won't do shadow work here I am just out. I value myself at times to much to just share everything, some stuff is preserved for more real ones, and the ones I'd like to impact, I am moving there more. 

I'll reach out to some stuff and apologize etc. This was an utterly dark period, and I don't enjoy this without some sauna and a glass of whiskey and a joint, yes full gangster I am leaving bye.