Social Monk Mode

[Sleyker]

I will be writing about my progress in life and daily habits here. I want to document this for myself so I can look back and assess my progress. I want to work on my singing, guitar playing and get back into salsa dancing again which I'm really good at already. 

Most importantly, I will work on my grounding and releasing practice, as well as incorporating those when I'm out talking to girls, cold approaching strangers and so forth.

I'm also trying to check my phone less, avoiding getting caught up looking at girls' stories on Instagram as well as random YT videos.

Day 1

• Practiced my singing for 40 minutes
   
• Practiced guitar for around 1 hour spread out during the day
   
• Did 10 minutes of grounding practice:
  Not gonna lie, felt really sleepy during this one but I relaxed myself a lot and felt my legs and the ground.
   
• Did 20 minutes of releasing meditation: 
  Felt kinda dense and numb in my throat, chest and gut but relaxed overall, lots of tingles in my pelvis area, and grounded in my ass and legs.
   
• Read a chapter from No More Mr. Nice Guy book
   
• Went out for walks when I felt anxious and wanted to bust a nut
   
• Checked my phone way less than usual
   
• Listened to a Porcupine Tree album
   

I will progressively increase my grounding and releasing sessions time, Day 1 was just to get the ball rolling.

Excited to get after it again tomorrow, maybe I'll go out approach some strangers and talk to people.

Hope you all have a beautiful night and and great day tomorrow!

Edited April 8, 2023 by Sleyker

[Sleyker]

Day 2
 

• Practiced my singing for 1 hour
• Practiced guitar for around 1 hour
• 25 minutes of grounding practice:  
  I felt my feet and into the ground, good session. I also played with the contrast of being tense and relaxed while standing on the rooftop of my house. At some point I wanted to hide when somebody from outside saw me just standing there, I felt some shame for doing this type of work, valuable lesson 'cause now I know that's something I will work on.
   
• 20 minutes of releasing meditation:
  Felt relaxed and in the moment. My throat was tense and felt some pain on the right side of my neck, my chest was light as well as my stomach, tingles in my pelvis and cock & balls, watched it for a second and it grew, then it turned a bit numb, I felt my legs, spine and feet, all connected into the ground.
   
• Read a chapter from No More Mr. Nice Guy book
• Went for a walk, trying to stay grounded in my feet, felt good, talked to a clerk at a grocery store, nice chat although hard to remember to stay in my feet while talking to him.
• Listened to a Pink Floyd album

I'm not playing games here guys, I'm gonna crush it and change so much by the end of the year, the grounding and releasing sessions will bear so much fruit overtime. Can't wait for tomorrow. Blessings for whoever is reading this.

[Sleyker]

Day 3

• Practiced my singing for about 45 minutes (recorded myself at the end and I actually liked most of what I heard, practice is paying off)
• Played guitar for about 20 minutes
• 25 minutes of grounding practice: 
  I felt grounded, although some sleepiness came up. I notice myself at times in wanting, trying to get more grounded, chasing the feeling and trying to get it right, I let that go a bit today
   
• 20 minutes of releasing meditation: 
  I felt dense in my throat, fairly light in most of my chest and stomach, numb pelvis and tingles at times, grounded in my feet and I could feel into the ground. At a point I felt my heart expanding, nothing special just more feeling in my chest.
   
• Read a chapter from No More Mr. Nice Guy book
• Listened to a Pink Floyd album
• Noticed: Had urges for having sex and needing the attention from a girl, my go-to coping mechanism is to go to Instagram and check out girls, thus increasing this feeling of wanting, will pay attention to that.
  
  Tomorrow I'll probably go out and approach some people, I'm excited to see what comes up so I can work on it, might even take a journal with me and write down my emotions as I'm out on the street and after each approach. This is the way I want to do it.

[Sleyker]

Day 4

• Practiced my singing for about 1 hour
• Practiced guitar for about 30 minutes
• 25 minutes of grounding practice: 
  I felt grounded, didn't feel as much into the ground today though. Sleepiness came up again. Tension in one's body thrives until one becomes aware of it, I love it every time I become aware of tension in my body.
   
• 32 minutes of releasing meditation:
  In today's session I visualized Natalia and Johana (one girl I like and my ex), welcomed heavy feelings in my chest while looking at them and saying hi, also welcomed a lot of turn on in my pelvis. I'm happy I sat in that heavy feeling in my chest, stepped into it, there is some resentment there especially towards Johana. I let Natalia go, saw her walking away, felt some heaviness in my chest as she did.
   
• Read a chapter from No More Mr. Nice Guy book
• Approached many girls today, here's some highlights:
  
  First approach: Approached a cute blonde, she was with her uncle. I felt the anxiety in my rib cage before approaching, walked up to her anyways, greeted her uncle and said:
  "I was gonna pass by but you're too cute" 
  She's charmed and giggles, turned out she's waiting for the bus and it's coming already, I said goodbye and left, didn't have the courage to close, but we all three shared nice vibes.
  
  Second approach: Very cute petite girl, we made eye contact, I go up to her and say something along the lines of:
  "I like your eyes"
  She smiles and looks at me like a puppy, very feminine, goddman this girl turns me on.
  "I'm Sleyker, who are you?"
  "I'm Gres"
  "You and I would make love all day long"
  She laughs and likes it.
  We kept chatting, the sexual energy was still there, I got kinda needy though, didn't feel in flow and didn't know what to say, the interaction was kinda okay overall and I asked for her instagram to see if we go for something to drink someday.
  This is the kind of girl I would do anything to bang, goddam was she cute and feminine. At home I noticed I was beating myself up 'cause I didn't remain grounded and got a bit needy and kinda blew it with that energy.
  
  Third approach: Another girl, not super cute but also blonde.
  "Hey you're cute, what's your name?"
  "Maria"
  "Sleyker, nice meeting you. Do you have a boyfriend?"
  "I do have a boyfriend" giggles
  "So what are you waiting for to break up with him and run off with me?
  Giggles and likes it, she's into it but I didn't bother to chat for longer, didn't really like her that much. In this approach I felt the most grounded and playful, very light, confident. 
  
  Fourth approach: Two girls, white girl and brunnette.
  "So I'm looking for a girlfriend, who wants to be my gf?
  They both laugh
  White girl: "What do you want a girlfriend for?"
  Me: "To fuck?"
  They laugh and white girls starts kinda walking off
  Me: "You, give me your number, you're cute" I said to the brunnette. She gave me her instagram. 
  Good vibes in this one, I love it when I step into a 'not giving a fuck' energy and say the most obnoxious and outlandish things.
  
  I ran into another girl whom I had approached two weeks ago and kinda ghosted me, I could feel my resentment towards her for not texting back.
  
  Came back home, sat for 30 minutes, let myself have thoughts about the approaches, I want to let my body and mind process it.
  I want to be more aware of my emotions while talking to people, feel myself grounded, catch myself on the spot when I'm going into neediness, this is how real growth happens.
  I'm not playing games guys, this is how you approach ladies and grow from it, I still have a lot to learn and grow I'm so excited to keep crushing it, doing what nobody is willing to do... What a journey... Love you and I hope you are challenging yourselves as well!

Edited April 11, 2023 by Sleyker

[Sleyker]

Day 5

• Practiced my singing for about 45 minutes
• Practiced guitar for about 45 minutes
• 20 minutes of grounding practice: 
  Hard to stay focused today, the session made me relax a bit though, I've been wanting and needing sex / attention from girls for the last hours. Also having a lot of thoughts about the approaches from yesterday.
   
• 20 minutes of releasing meditation: 
  
  My chest and gut were fairly light, kinda numb in my pelvis and good grounding in my legs and taint in general.
  It popped into my head the idea that where I'm seeking a certain emotion I'm tensing somwhere in my body, I felt for a second I was tensing my throat whenever I'm unconsciously not accepting the feeling and looking for something in particular.
   
• Read a chapter from No More Mr. Nice Guy book
  
  Noticed: Felt very needy today, ashamed that I stayed up late last night and jerked off while DM'ing girls on insta. My mood improved a lot when I was texting with Cindy, one girl I met yesterday on the street, but now that she's kinda ghosting me it's down again. This is an opportunity to look inwards, feel it and accept I'm still depending on girl's validation to feel good.
  
  Tomorrow is gonna be a hell of a day!

Edited April 12, 2023 by Sleyker

[Sleyker]

Day 6

• Went to singing class (3 hours)
• Practiced guitar (30 mins)
• 25 minutes of grounding practice: 
  Kinda okay session, didn't feel like I went too deep, but it's still better than not doing it.
   
• 20 minutes of releasing meditation: 
  Felt ligther in my throat than most days, my heart was light, vulnerable for the most part, my stomach a bit more dense and my turn on a bit numb but started feeling tingles as I kept watching it, my grounding was good as well. Nice session overall.
   
• Read a chapter from No More Mr. Nice Guy book
   
• Nice achievement: Last night I went to bed early, not feeling sleepy at all and I was actually able to lay in my bed and evoke the feeling of sleepiness in my body. I fell asleep pretty quickly compared to other days where I just lay in bed for hours without being able to fall asleep.
  
  Noticed: I am able to remain more grounded than before while going about my life, today from the time I left my house, on my way to school and for some time during my singing class I was more willing to remain open and grounded. I was feeling pretty confident and light, then as the class progressed and the teacher started correcting my posture and singing my confidence started dropping and I found myself too serious and tense. At the end of the class I kinda felt demoralized by my performance. I know I'm just learning but still sucks, I like to be good at what I do. It's humbling, I just need to keep practicing.
  
  Also, I'll start incorporating some conscious masturbation practice to help with my sexual urges. Masturbating without the goal of reaching orgasm, no fantasizing, no porn, just the sensation. The idea is to learn what feels right to me, deepen my sexual sensitivity, and having a healthy way of masturbating and channel my sexual urges.
  
  I'll keep getting after it tomorrow. Good night.

[Sleyker]

Day 7

• 25 minutes of grounding practice: 
  I could feel light in my feet and the back of my legs, felt connected to the Earth, could maintain some of that feeling minutes after finishing the session. Keeping my shoulders back  feels unnatural to me, I just have to get used to it.
   
• 20 minutes of releasing meditation: 
  I felt dense in my throat, chest and stomach, tingles in my pelvis and at some point my gentals activated a lot, not caused by an erotic thought or anything, nice grounding too. I notice that the thought of hiring an escort is always caused by a heavy feeling in my body, as soon as I start feeling lighter the thought of having sex with a prostitute doesn't even cross my mind.
   
• Went on a date with a girl from Tinder, nice vibes, nice girl but she's not really my type and she doesn't turn me on as much. I probably won't see her again or just keep her as a friend.
  
  I had strong emotions of rage, resentment when I saw a girl's whatsapp story showing she was out drinking while she turned down an invitation from me saying that she doesn't drink 2 days ago. I sat in that resentment for a few minutes, It was located in my chest, it's still there when I think about it.  
  
  I also felt resistance to do my singing practice and read today. I will resume those habits tomorrow.

[Sleyker]

Day 8

• Practiced my singing (45 minutes)
• Practiced guitar (20 minutes)
• 25 minutes of grounding practice: 
  I felt connected to the ground whenever I focused on it, mostly I was in my head.
   
• 20 mins of releasing meditation: 
  I felt somewhat dense in my throat, my heart fairly light, my stomach denser. My turn on felt numb at the beginning, decided to watch that numbness and immediately started waking up and felt tingles.
   
• Finished reading No More Mr. Nice Guy book
• Approached some girls out on the street:
  
  Good vibes in general, it's getting easier and easier although I do notice myself more tense than when I am by myself. I can feel the difference, like when the interaction is over, my body relaxes more. It's a subtle difference but it's there.
  Got 3 numbers and 1 girl's insta (maybe not great leads but I do go for the close in every interaction which is super important and effective). 
   
• Releasing success: I could welcome some feelings of worthlessness while visualizing Sindy walking down the street, feeling like there's no point in talking to her, that it would be a waste of time, that I don't deserve it.
  
  Tomorrow is going to be a great day because I'll take a friend out on the street and have him approach girls, so I'll kind of introduce him to pick up. And later at night I'll probably go to the club with a girl.

[Sleyker]

Day 9

• Practiced my singing (1 hour) 
• 25 minutes of grounding practice: 
  I was in my head for a good portion of the session, but I felt relaxed and grounded. It's amazing how much it relaxes me and quiets the mind, it's something I didn't notice before but I feel the difference in my mind before and after the session.
• 20 minutes of releasing meditation: 
  I visualized Sindy in front of me, I felt heavy in my chest, stomach, feeling like she wouldn't like me, there was turn on in my pelvis but mostly dense feelings, they did get lighter towards the end, also felt my resistence to let her go, all in my chest.
  
  Noticed: Went to bed late last night, woke up late this morning and that really affected my mood and desire to seize the day, that'll change tomorrow.

[Sleyker]

Day 10

• Practiced my singing (not serious practice just fucking around really)
  Goddamn I love my deep voice, I'm a bass singer and I'm really digging this amazing bass singer: Geoff Castellucci. I really enjoy singing his low notes. It's exciting for me to think that in one year I'll be pretty good at singing. I do feel shy when I practice at home 'cause my family hears me.
   
• Practiced guitar (25 minutes)
• 25 minutes of grounding practice:
  Felt pretty good, relaxing and grounded. Sinking down and letting go of wanting to control it.
   
• 20 minutes of releasing meditation:
  Nice session, I felt lighter in my throat than usual, light in my chest mostly (some light pain in some parts), lighter in my gut as well, my turn on a bit numb and good grounding in general.
  
  - Big procrastination and jerking off day, gotta start doing some activities outside because I'm spending too much time inside my room. 
  - Tomorrow a girl will probably come over to dance and hang out so there won't be much jerking off because well... I gotta be able to get hard.
  - I do notice myself less excited about my habits, there's more resistance to do them and not much motivation.

[Sleyker]

Day 11

• Singing practice (45 minutes):
  I felt so insecure today about whether I'm doing it well or not and thoughts started coming up of "I can't sing" "I'm gonna make a fool of myself" and so forth. 
   
• Practiced guitar (just messing around, strumming and changing chords)
   
• 25 minutes of grounding practice: 
  Felt relaxed, a bit lost in my thoughts, but grounding really centers me.
   
• 20 minutes of releasing meditation:
  Felt a bit tense in my jaw, throat, chest and stomach fairly light, turn on a bit numb and good grounding in general.
   
• Girl I met online came over, NOT a pretty gal. Anyways we talked about Onlyfans, anal sex and just random sexual topics lol. I did notice the difference with her vs other girls, I'm way more relaxed, I say whatever the fuck I want. Less forcing and more relaxing. 30 minutes later I told her I had to do some things and she left. I would probably smash but her face and teeth are just not pretty so I'll pass on that.
  
  Noticed: I'm missing my ex today and feel empty, without a purpose. Sorry to be so negative if you're reading but I'm trying to let it out here. I wish I could work out a relationship with her but I know it's not gonna happen, best thing I can do is not reach out anymore and move on.
   

[Sleyker]

Day 12

• Practiced guitar (Learned Wonderwall) 
• 25 minutes of grounding practice:
  I felt relaxed, kinda getting used to the feeling of grounding when set myself to do it, the hard thing is to do it while I'm talking to others and going about my day.
   
• 20 minutes of releasing meditation:
  I was in my head for a big part of the session, my body was fairly light, some back pain as well.
   

I do feel I'm just doing my habits very mechanically at this point, not paying much attention, and do feel the pressure to keep this journal up to date as if it was important or something, but whatever, let's see where this goes. Either I'll get my shit together or stay writing shitty meditation reports. 

Tomorrow I'll have singing class, I'll go mentally prepared to be obliterated by my teacher correcting me every second, I'm humbled now since last week I left class pretty sad and disappointed.  I'll give it my all though.

I'll soon be going out as well and approaching some gals. I've been binge-watching Mark Normand, my new favorite comedian. Goddamn I love his style and self-deprecating humor. I do want to work on being more humorous when I'm with girls and other people in general.

[Sleyker]

Day 13

• I went to singing class (3 hours)
  
  I loved class today, I felt great, confident, happy. Even thought the teacher still corrected me I was feeling great because I noticed improvements in my singing. I was also able to express emotions of love, fear, anger, nervousness in an exercise we did. I feel so good that I decided to skip meditation today lol. Fuck it, I'll be back at it tomorrow.  
   

[Sleyker]

Day 14

• Singing practice (1 hourish):
  Nice session, didn't feel like I corrected some mistakes but I'm digging the breathing exercises as they get me very present.
   
• 12 minutes of grounding practice:
  I felt relaxed and somewhat grounded, most of the time I was in my head though.
   
• 20 minutes of releasing meditation:
  I could feel a nice release on my heart, I felt it peeling layer after layer of sensations and going deeper, it feels very nice but also a bit scary to get that vulnerable and alive.
   

Approached some ladies: Here's a highlight:

Saw this cute girl walking fast, she had scrubs on and was very petite.

"Excuse me, I can see you're in a rush but you're a nurse, holding a fake baby (she actually did lol) and you're petite so I can't let you walk by I have to stop you"

She was so cute jeez, also looked at me with a spark in her eyes. Turns out the baby doll was for a class she was going to. 

Her: "The baby is for a CPR class"
Me: "You can practice on me I'll let you do that"

She laughs and we continue chatting
She gave me her number at the end. Cute girl, we're texting right now.

• I also texted my ex, I was missing her a lot so I told her that, we texted for a bit. I really miss our connection.

Nice day overall 'cause I also jerked off real good at home. I'll be back at it tomorrow.