Miscellenious

[at_anchor]

I don't wqnt to be intrusive so I want to just write some stuff that is bothering me. I want to get over my fears and confusions. So let's try...

[at_anchor]

I invite any responses I guess.

[at_anchor]

So I have fears that are very real. I don't act to prevent the stuff I fear from happening and they always end up happening. I hoped time would bring change for the better, but it just brought change for the worse in many ways.  

Edited March 11, 2023 by at_anchor

[at_anchor]

I just ate a bunch of cheese and soar cream despite knowing that it is bad for me, although I don't have a list of symptoms that I experience after eating it. It is delicious and comforting after a day of my mind being torn apart by people that don't wish anything good for me.

It appears like I am out of control of myself, but not getting enough sleep for days because some people for some reason wanted me to not sleep and they got it.

[at_anchor]

Aside from the above, I often feel like my life is doomed. It is. I'm not bright and don't have any job opportunities. My health situation is not curable where I currently am and to get to the place where it is curable I'd first need to be cured and educated, or some extreme luck would have to happen that changes the world for the better and my life as well.

[at_anchor]

What are the safest and least corrupt cities in the world? 

[at_anchor]

I often feel like Romance countries like Portugal, Spain and Italy, although beautiful and fun in many ways, are not safe for me. I feel that only Germanic countries are, but I'm afraid that Germanic languages are some of the hardest and also I need to master English before I can even think of learning a Germanic language. 

I feel so confused as to which country is best to seek help in. I cannot get it locally. There is a lot of corruption, mafia and people that yearn to see me sink.

Edited March 11, 2023 by at_anchor

[at_anchor]

I know death is imaginary and that there is nothing to fear, but there is no way I'm dying before getting the education and money I should have had in my teens and early twenties to live a better life.

[at_anchor]

I'm also kind of afraid that I can't do anything from where I am now.

It is like I have a terminal illness. Like I have a cancer that will eat me in a short amount of time.

So I don't know how much longer I have, a year or a decade at best. If I survived a decade and still didn't grow enough, I'm sure I'd experience loss and pain I never have in my life.

[at_anchor]

It eats away my time, it distracts me from doing the work and turns me away from people. It builds prejudices and false assumptions against me. It or a multiple of things I guess.

But it is okay. The biggest issue I have is that I'm so tied to this one life and there is no possibility for anything better than this. I can't grow. 

Preventative measures are taken against my growth and advancement in any positive direction.

Complaining to you won't help. But I am afraid to complain to those who could help. It gets them into trouble and also risks misunderstandings and so forth.

 

I might sound like I know what I am talking about, but I don't.

[at_anchor]

My language abilities might sound better than they actually are from what you are reading here.

[at_anchor]

Months have gone by and I'm still nowhere. Things just got worse. Why did God allow other people to do this to me?

Maybe he didn't. Maybe it is just a thing that cannot be any other way in Reality.

[at_anchor]

I always fool myself that she loves me and then get into more trouble. I should remember: Untrustworthy to me and unloving towards me. There is either conflict of interests, a spiritual problem or I really don't know what else. Maybe I am terrible as a result and now should stay that way according to this person.

[at_anchor]

I shouldn't relax. That's how I get screwed over the easiest.

[at_anchor]

I feel like a bunch of wolves or whatever have surrounded me and almost tore me completely apart. 

[at_anchor]

There is hardly anything I can do but complain, cry, sit down and watch myself decay.

Historical issues and heographic I guess.

[at_anchor]

The only thing that I'd be able to earn a living with if I knew how to do it is programming. But that is so hard and boring and I really don't know how to do it. 

I don't want to become a fat, lazy, sick slug. Others around me actually do want just that... always did. To increase my dependency on them, decrease my perceived value and increase theirs in the eyes of society.

[at_anchor]

"HOT! 16 replies"

Nothing hot about this thread. This must be a technical error.

[at_anchor]

Where are the relpies, heheh

I'm not just gonna be talking to myself.

I like therapy, but I can't find a good therapist.

[at_anchor]

I wish I could do something tonight, anything... but I don't even know what can I do tomorrow! This is really tragicomic.