[ Dear Diary ]

[blacksapp]

Hi, I'll try to keep this journal as much as I can (atleast a year).
Feel free to scroll down, and PM me if you want...I'm open to conversation.
 

[ be prepared to face ]

• ups and downs
• non-sense toughts
• rage / depression scenes
• some progress as musician
• my growth <3

 

Edited March 8, 2017 by blacksapp

[blacksapp]

DAY #1
(08/03/2017)

I wake up feeling pretty fine, not too much worries. Got my mom and sister to work.
Came back home, got direct to computer (Idk, somedays I just forget about taking coffee).
Heard some musics that I like (William Singe cover's, that I usually like), took coffee and watched some streams for a little.
After that, got the Idea of drawing a drop trying to use volume techniques (I don't even know how to draw action stick figures), and it pretty much worked. (I'll put a picture of it).
Kept myself chating with some people and reading a little bit the whole day.
While I was doing these things, I felt pretty comfortable but now that I'm not, I'm feeling kinda anxious and stuff.
Didn't do my habits yet, but I'll meditate and try to stablish a right time for doing it.
I kinda miss my ex-girlfriend yet, but not as I used to.
I think my emotions are getting more stable and stuff, but still have spikes of rage / sadness.
Trying to watch the way I walk and the way I talk, so I can fix this quickly and got more friends.
I wanna grow faster, but I know this is a process.
I hope I can do it.
Now I'm going to take a shower, and go to college (I course Engineer).
When I get back, I'll actualize the journal.

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Back from college, feeling pretty good.
We are in a project doing a 'battle robot' (like battlebots) for our class and I'm feeling pretty excited to doing it.
The only matter is this: I'm doing only with one more mate 'cause the other guys seem kinda lazy and stuff...they don't seem pretty excited with the project as I do ('cause I like robotic-related things and they don't seem to like so much).
We kept drawing and analyzing what we gonna do and I got happy for really doing something.
Came back home, ate some junk food (my health habits are not so good). Got a message from a girl I didn't talk for a while and we kept the conversation for a good time. (I went to sleep like 3 a.m.). Feeling excited!

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Picture of my drawing:

Edited March 9, 2017 by blacksapp
[continue]

[blacksapp]

DAY #2
(09/03/2017)

I slept too late yesterday, so today I wake up sleepy and tired.
Took mom and sister to work, like usual.
Got back and drank some coffee, watched some streams trying to feel better and stuff but don't seemed to work.
(I like streams 'because I feel a little less lonely).
By morning, I did mostly nothing (not even my habits).
Feeling kinda lonely by the day.
Got a episode that acessed my rage:
At 2 p.m. I had an appointment, but my mom got the car and said would be back before.
She took TOO long, I almost missed my appointment and it made me mad.
Driving kinda mad, the traffic was crazy, a guys almost hit me, another guy just kept yelling at me for no reason (he was in a hurry).
Well, everything snowballed over me and I got pissed off the whole day.
Tried to meditate a little bit, it helped! But still had that burning feeling inside.
Done some editting ( I work for myself by now, like a free-lancer). Got some money.
By night, went to the movies with my family, ate pizza and, surprisingly slept on the movie.
Got back home, and gone to bed.
Bad day, tho.

 

 

[blacksapp]

DAY #3
(10/03/2017)

Took mom and sister to work.
Came back, drank my coffee, PC.
Started playing, I was pretty anxious.
Talked a little with a girl that I'm knowing.
By the lunch time, my brother come over...his light was taken down for few hours for repair so he brought his stuff to my house and we worked in some things during the day, was pretty fun!
(We played a little too, its cooler when you have someone next to you to play...don't look so far...funny).
Then my sister in law come over too, we take a coffee time by evening.
Late, gonne to an anniversary of my community leader, was kinda lame...idk, didn't feel comfortable there.
Back, sleep.
 

[blacksapp]

DAY #4
(11/03/2017)

Woke up feeling horrible, didn't feel like doing anything.
Was feeling anxious, missing my ex-girlfriend. Everything was pretty much crap.
Everything I did didn't seem to work.
I Took some couraged and gonne to talk to her.
She played the bad bitch, didn't give a FUCK about I was telling her.
I apologize for some things I thought I was wrong, she accept it but with a noticeable deep 'madness' within.
She called me names too, I thought she wouldn't be so mean lol
Well, the point of talking to her is that I wanted to know if she still felt something for me and what I discovered is: nope!
In fact, I can consider it a blessing 'cause now I can see she looks like a kid...and too mad for no reason...Idk.
Not a healthy relationship to come back, I think is not worthy.
I think now I can really move on and get over it.
After talking to her I felt really amazing, 'cause I now can see she's not the one.
Played a little with my friends and went to sleep early.
And that was it!

[blacksapp]

DAY #5
(12/03/2017)

Woke up early, felt pretty disposed.
Saw Leo's new video, made me move my ass.
Took a walk by the morning, like 15-25 min. It was pretty good.
Came back, took coffee, gone to church.
Went to take lunch by some restaurant, came home kinda soon as I expected (12 pm I was already home).
Watched a doccumentary (Abstract, by netflix)...one episode to be precise.
It is really cool, I recommend if you like to see the art and creative process. 
Played a little ToS (Tree of Savior) a game that I'm learning. (1h)
Watched some competition related to lol.
Gonne to church (rehearsal), it all worked fine.
Take out to lunch after church, have a good time with the guys.
Yeah, it was pretty good...I'm learning to don't give a SHIT.
Cyaaaaaaa