Mushroom Trip 014 - 3.5g - Rolling Around With The Pain of Regret

[ZenSwift]

Date: September 21st 2022.

Intention: What is Actuality?

• As serious and focussed as possible this time. (Shrooms are difficult to do consciousness work on, but still do a lot with getting rid of fear and hangups)

Dose: 3.5g Mazatapec

• Lemon Tekked Tea and didn't strain it. Using chewable ginger tablets did the trick to eliminate Nasuea.

Taken at 3:45 pm

 

15 minutes in

• Slight subtle background activity.
• Nausea emerging, take ginger to mitigate that.

20 minutes

• Kicking in
• Visuals. Shifting, melting tapestries.

27 minutes

• Kicking in more.

32 minutes

• The come up is kicking in. Accidentally mistaking it for anxiety but that's just my body energy shifting. Lots of visuals kicking in. The popcorn ceiling is doing all kinds of patterns as well as small gradations and light and Shadow are taking forms of their own. Slightly see 3D figures in my ceiling. My ceiling is becoming 3d.
• Very intense head vibration.
• Neon Visuals
• Strong head high.

 

55 minutes

• I was lying down in my bed thinking about my mother one day dying and also me dying one day. Feeling fear and feeling like I was roped down with vines under the tree of souls from Avatar. Whenever I feel fear like this I just lie down. But I also remember to physically open my body up because that helps the energy flow.
• Extremely mentally visual psychedelic. Makes me think about how hallucinations manifest. They start as a vivid, mental image that's not there, and then it slowly seeps into actual explicit manifestation.

 

Insights and Musings

• I noticed a lot that we live our entire life THROUGH language. Through our thoughts. It's like the default position operating system. Language is something you can throw away. It's a manifestation of smoke and mirrors. You can just throw it away. This has allowed me to appreciate the value of living life in no mind. Or at least now learn how to use my mind beyond language.
• Don't let your ego structure define who you are. Break out of that mold. Construct anew. You need to be intentional about constructing your life otherwise your environment will construct a life for you.
• When you focus on what's actual long enough, insights come to you. You start to notice the Constructs holding reality together.
• Our past never happened. What is actual is the memories present in your consciousness.
• I'll say it once and I'll say it again, no-music Psychedelic trips are O.P.. Music is WAY too distracting.
  • Put on music much later after the work was done. That's what I did, and I enjoyed a beautiful walk in the autumn weather with a body high to some great tunes, enjoying my direct experience or being a faceless field of direct experience, looking at the inside of "my head" that is my direct experience. My perceptions dissolving to the point where ego/self construct is subtracted and just being/actuality remains.
  • While I was on this walk I was also appreciating the collectively held ego constructs keeping the city working as a functioning city. Really inspires me to dive deep into studying systems thinking.
    • There is a beauty to understanding all of the systems of reality and learning how they all run together.

Random Thoughts

• Imagine a heated cup that will keep your tea at the perfect temperature. I hate drinking tea that's not Goldilocks temperature. I'll call it the Goldilocks cup. Or imagine a thermometer that you stick into your tea and it beeps when it recognises the perfect (Self set) temperature for it ready to be drank. I hate drinking tea that's too hot and burns my tongue.
• Sometimes I like to believe I'm 700 years old. I'm an old soul after all.
• Why are we so ashamed to use so much water washing our dishes when we can easily use 10 times the amount of water when washing our bodies? Double standard much?

Observations

• When I curl up in a ball I get visuals of tiny hands reaching out towards me. I also get mental visuals of electronics knotted up in a ball. Like a knot of tubes and such like veins and cords.
• At one point I was lying on the floor and I was unconsciously imagining myself as a crocodile ripping apart an antelope and seeing the guts spilling out. Wondering what it would feel like to be a crocodile that has to kill so directly to live.
• Mazatapec strain definetly has spirits and ancestors attached to it. I see shadow figures walking around. Figures of humans in my ceiling. Definitely would have freaked me out if I was new to psychedelics.

 

So for a few hours I was just rolling around in regret, hysterical laughter and embarrassment at how I just fucked a guy 2 days ago. (I had to check!) I now identify as straight. Motherfucker took my virginity AND my homosexuality with him! I understand that I can get my rocks off to material that leans into homosexual territory, but it ends there, it's a hit of dopamine, a bump of coke, stimulation. I never have and never will feel romantically connected to a man. Sex is all about the emotional connection and what makes it hot is WHO you're having it with. Just the plain stimulation sucks. I can get myself off better with my own hand.

• Plus I just got fired from my shitty job. Looking back on it, it was definitely a blessing.

 

Post Trip Report

I'm noticing now when I close my eyes for an extended period of time, the rest of the world disappears literally. A mysterious void is now what's present. A float tank would be incredible too experience now. When objects disappear around walls, they vanish literally. What's in my consciousness has spawned immediately as a polarization of the field of the godhead. This will only increase in intensity as my Consciousness increases, as time goes on with more and more psychedelic trips.

 

 

Edited January 13, 2023 by ZenSwift