aklacor727

Rejection is a good thing

2 posts in this topic

I used to be so avoidant and scared of the pain of rejection would take foreverrr to open up and be vulnerable with others, had to feel super safe, gave me social anxiety, would rarely be the initiator of connections, I have been told numerous times by guys pursuing me that I come off as stand off ish…  I could go on but you get the point! Looking back I know i felt that way because I was too caught up in wanting to feel accepted, and avoiding feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Which I know is normal to an extent we all want to feel accepted, I could just be extra sensitive who knows haha

Well somewhere over the years Ive reframed things to where I think of rejection as more so a good thing because for one it’s a learning experience. Experience always makes you wiser, helps you to grow as a person (being on this forum I’d say you all could agree with me on that) also I think of it as rejection is just life saying ope, not the person/situation for you, or maybe just not the right time for it.  It happened for a reason but maybe not because it was meant to work out but because it was meant to help you grow and realize something maybe you hadn’t before, or whatever reason. I guess I have accumulated an attitude of acceptance

And I do feel like rejection truly has nothing to do with me personally. It’s just THEIR personal preference, and if I’m not their preference, why should I feel hurt, of course people are going to have vastly different preferences, good glad I found out so I can get going sooner on finding a connection with someone who does prefer me for me and sees the value in me. Also, there   are just SO many different types of people I would not prefer too, so why should I take it personally when I’m doing the exact same thing! ? so funny when I think about it. 

But thankfully Ive grown so much since then and have so much confidence and love for myself, and the person that suits me will see those things in me that I feel makes me a wonderful person, and vice versa. if not that just makes the decision for me that they’re not my person, no need to be upset about it

Long story short, just be yourself ?

And love yourself ❤️❤️❤️ 

 

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I used to be afraid of rejection, too.  When I was interested in someone it always really hurt me to find that they didn't feel the same way, but as I got older and look back on how some of them handled it, I feel kind of saved from ever having had to have dated them in the first place.  Some of them flat out used me, and when I called them out on it, they lied to me about it or avoided the subject.  Some of them were kind about it, and it just genuinely wasn't the right connection, and I respect those who treated me decently.

I've also rejected some men in my lifetime, as most of them were super beta submissive worm-type guys and I felt disgusted by them.  Some I rejected nicely, some not so nicely.  So it goes both ways for me.

The guy that I did keep a long term relationship with was never right for me and he wasn't a very kind person.  He had been to jail, hit an ex with a hammer, stole my money and used it on drugs, things like that.  Preyed on my self-esteem.  I think after that relationship I closed down and realized that I never wanted to deal with another man in my life again.  When I think back on my experiences with men, not just a few of them were like that, but many had a lot of red flags and so it leads me to believe that a lot of men out there are quite cruel in their approach and I'm too sensitive to put up with them.

However, despite all of that, if everything didn't line up the way that it did, I would have still been an atheist, I never would have found God or known that there was a sense of connection on the other side that I could tap into in my time of need, I would have continued looking for that connection here on this planet, always feeling unfulfilled and lonely.  Sometimes I still feel that way, but I remember that I am never alone and that someday I will go back to where I came from.

Rejection is a good thing, it keeps bad people away from you.  You genuinely don't want to have people around you who don't want you in their life.  It's not a healthy feeling.  I don't think my ex ever once really loved me.  He never got to know me and I never felt like I could be myself around him.

But at the end of the day, it all worked out for me.  I found God.  Truly.  None of them did.

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