Charlotte

Commitment to your vision and determination

1 post in this topic

Hi guys, I haven't been around for some time as I have been 110% focused on actualizing life purpose (1st year at uni) and simultaneously trying to manage a skin condition which took me by surprise. 

However, I have just finalised my first year and have much more time on my hands. In light of this, I have returned and thought I would share aspects and insights of the journey which I hope, could help others.

I will start with a brief background for context. This will be the sixth year of consecutive education having left school with no qualifications I decided to return with the aim of university. Along the way, I noticed core limiting beliefs were at work, this was due to an array of factors that had developed in the earlier years of life, including sibling rivalry, and underachieving academically which led to self-fulfilling prophecies. These, along with other basic (minimal insecurities) formed to create the only obstacles that ever stood in the way of me achieving whatever I wanted to i.e., 'myself.'

Throughout the duration of the first year at university, I soon realised dedication, workload and sacrifices that were needed to complete this comfortably and with a reasonably good score. This was going to require something of me I had never given, however, because of something 'within' I cannot put into words, I knew I was going to complete this one way or another, no matter what arose. Leo's content has aided me in listening and trusting the entire process, that and also that, 'something' i alluded to earlier which I cannot transcribe. 

I noticed that many if not all, students I came across ( I am yet to meet anyone to provide evidence otherwise) all identified with their work results and marks they received back from lecturers. However, because I know I am not my mark, I am not words, I am not anything, this truly helped me enjoy every moment of the process, I am able to reframe and recontextualise academic feedback into a challenge, a learning process, something to be enjoyed! (this is something I learnt as iI did fall into this trap in the initial stages which I elaborate on throughout)

 With regards to academic testing, such as assignments, my mantra was always, 'if you aren't enjoying the work and or the process, then fear had arose', I made it an utmost priority to enjoy every single moment of that first year, there was no outcome I was attached to or concrete goal I identified with, my intention was to (as realistically as possible) try to enjoy every moment, *regardless* of content or context. I am not the type of person to kill myself completing work in fear, in the beginning of the year, I noticed (due to my reaction to feedback) I was falling into this trap, the emotions and thought that accompanied experience (work feedback) was what you would have referred to as; suffering, however after observation and contemplation, I soon realised what I was creating, I was creating  (unconsciously and unknowingly) a preferred and the desired outcome based on expectations, and if these expectations (mark) weren't met, they were then met with insecurities. An unhealthy cycle that will lure and capture many people for many years. 

As the months went by and both the learning process continued spiritually, and academically, I enjoyed every day more and more. I was also, alongside this, learning how I learn... to learn :). This was a very interesting process, and one that took required a humbling approach. After some time, I realised I was comparing myself to other with regards to such things as; the speed of work completion, or, how quickly they are able to grasp a concept etc. As usual, I started the investigation by looking inward, why? Why was I comparing myself, I knew from the suffering and comparison, that there is work to be done. It soon surfaced that the comparison was again, expectations I was placing on myself. 

End of year exams proved to be the biggest accomplishment I had academically achieved in my adult life. Every examination process and performance has, in the past, been hell, why? because of laziness, and self-limiting beliefs. This time, I was not allowing a repeat of every scenario throughout history. I had a vision, I bypassed many limiting beliefs, I knew I had no idea what my capabilities were, I am infinite intelligence, my achievements are boundless, all I had to do was do it, that's it. That simple. Two 2hr exams, back to back over the course of two days, because of the vision, hard work and determination to actualise what I wanted, I absolutely smashed the exams, I even enjoyed them! I perceived it as an opportunity to apply what I had learnt, a chance to demonstrate and 'show off', and an opportunity to display the content I had immersed myself in. Bill gates is an inspiration, the way he immerses himself in every topic, he 'becomes' the topic so to speak, systematically studying the fragments of it which then he synthesis and studies the larger whole, it's beautiful! The way he demonstrates the power of infinite intelligence gave me insight into how we partially limit ourselves. 

I have finished the first year of uni, utterly proud of myself, smashing and deconstructing limiting beliefs, constructing new healthy patterns of behaviour and thought, and being able to produce the results I aim for through sheer hard work, a 'letting go', perseverance and allowing that 'deeper knowing' to guide the way. 

I hope this can help anyone on here. If you have any further questions I am more than happy to answer. And don't ever forget, the answer is ALWAYS = 'You'

 

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