First time meeting Divinity (6. May 22)

[bensenbiz]

This was my fifth Huachuma Ceremony in Calca, Cusco Peru.
(Please bare in mind I am not a native english speaker)

I drank the medicine and my stomach immediately started feeling sick. I needed to fight against throwing up. I had the day before some alpaka steaks
and it was heavy and I didnt like it. They are too cute to eat them and the taste was not good. Also I did a very strong heart opening Rapé the night before.

 

However we walked to a sacred temple on the mountains and themedicine was strong. I focused on my breathing too some extend.
Until it hit me: I don’t need to breath voluntarily. I can just relax and the body will do it anyway. Whenever I relaxed and get in to the present moment,
I could feel how my body shooked. I tend to straighten up my knee and be aware of a healthy, strong posture. lettng these things go away was revealing and
I could feel how the universe is holding me. That I can trust and love the Universe. That is the strongest version of my self. self with a capital S. 1000 years of wisdom hit me. Less is more. I don’t need to do anything. I just can let the beauty unfold. It ripped everything away. Everything which is not the truth. I am grateful
that Huachuma is so gentle so I could balance between the Do’er and not Do’er. I could clearly see how we gain everything by giving up ourself.
By Surrendering.
If you know you will come back, how far are you willing to go?

We were at the Temple (A overwhelmingly loving Energy palce) and I still was resisting until I layed on the sacred rock and the facilitator
called the spirit to release my resistance. Immediately I felt a relaxation and let the ground hold me. It is that trust and love I always wanted.
The Universe was breathing through me and I experienced a beautiful healing. Still there was a Observer and as I walked around the temple,
I felt how my mind would come back and try to control and understand. I came to this retreat to be more loving, opening my heart
and helping others by sharing my love. I was all my life fortunate to have a extremely loving family and a sensitive personality to help me
navigate in more or less truthful, loving manner. I just wanted to be successful, so bad, that I thought I need to do a lot. Personal Developement
was always a key and I wanted to prove myself to the world. But it didn’t matter. the more successful I became the more unsatisfied I was.
The medicine teached me that real strength comes out of love and trust. I knew that. Intellectually but finally I could feel that.

I walked to the other participatents who had a difficult time and gave some of them a hug. I could feel their pain and share love with them.
One women from the US started crying while I was huging here. She repeatedly said: thank you, thank you.. We think often that we are not worthy of the infinite
beauty and love which is presenting to us each moment. At some point she said look how beautiful the stones are. I told her: everything is beautiful.

Another Participants was painting me and handed over his gift (I attached the painting as a file).
Tears of joy came immediately. I took the panting with me and walked to the temple.
I knew what to do. It was time to surrender and let go of the concept of I.

I layed in the middle of the temple with my arms wide open. I let the ground hold me and it showered me with pure love. The Moon
was present on the sky and I felt hugged by everything. It was beautiful.

I repeatedly said: beautiful, beauty, it’s just beauty.

We walked backed through the Mountains and the beautiful nature
of Peru. I sat by the fire all day and barely said nothing.

Another Participant with a beautiful soul was constantly talking
about a specific „white chocalate“ the last days and how he loves that.
I bought him some of that and gave it to him. The Joy and the childish
happiness which I felt from him while eating it, brought again
tears of joy in my eyes. What is all this beauty and love worth
when we don’t share it? It might sound cheesy but this is healing.
Writing that helps me to ground my self and yes I know there is
still way more to experience. I don’t wanna rush. I wanna make sure
that I keep that beauty in my heart and share it as much as I can.

Thank you.
Leo and all other Forum members.
Also special thanks to Alan Watts, Ram Dass and all other teachers.
I got nothing but love for you.

I finally start to understand from the heart and not just the mind.

Edited May 7, 2022 by bensenbiz
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