Trip Report: 1.5G Liberty Caps - Life Purpose Contemplation

[-Rowan]

Having hiked up to my local hills, I found the spot where I had tripped last summer.

I laid out the blanket and my water and diary as a small setup. I cooled off and calmed down from the hike, ate the mushrooms and waited for them to come on. I did some intention setting and meditation.

After about 30 mins I was looking out for the first signs of perceptual distortions, which were very small. Soon the yawns came on and more spontaneous behaviour appeared.

I was looking for colour changes, last time colours were very much enhanced, this time there was still a pop in colour and things looked great, but there were more subtle eye patterns / strange perceptions in things like grass.

I decided to lay down and close my eyes and let the come up finish and enter into the state.

Closed eye visuals were more enhanced at this dose, and perceptions such as touch were enhanced. I felt I was “melting into” the ground.

I also noticed and tested out the quality that mushrooms have where you can focus on one thing and sort of get pulled into a mesmerizing state where the effects get more trippy, but you can also “re-focus” and pull out of it. Focusing on the melting feeling in my palms as a rested on the throw on the grass got more intense and felt like I was moving with it, but switching focus to something else it sort of “Reset”. This was interesting phenomena.

Closed eye visuals such as geometric patterns, eyes and faces got more intense as the trip went on. Time started to become slightly less relevant as I went into the deeper aspect of the trip. The patterns started to feel like a ‘presence’ - a feminine healing energy that slowly washed over me and slowly got stronger. I recall saying over and over in my head “Allow the healing. Allow the healing. Allow the healing.” Feelings in my body became more intense.

I struggle to remember but I think there was a deeper peak where I felt this presence as either myself or a higher god like power but couldn’t tell the difference. It was either a deeper side of me or an outside power, there was no way to tell the difference. An internal dialogue began to happen with myself. It has a very feminine feel and at times took on the voice of my therapist Nina, but also the sound and tone of the voice changed and morphed.

“All the stuff you’re doing down there” (meaning down in normal life, back at home) “you’re trying to have this aim, going from A to B and suffering and fighting a lot to get there. It’s already here.”

I started to murmur some words to myself as I communicated with this me / other entity. It became quite emotional. “It’s real. Allow yourself to believe it’s real. This is the healing. You were never limited.” “Stop playing these games now.”

I also started to move and flex my lower back, sort of feeling an energy there, or it just felt extremely good to move it. I remember smiling as I began to laugh and felt increasingly free.

It felt very ceremonial as birds such as ravens or other birds of pray flew around me in the general area. I could hear them and sense they were circling me. I sort of imagined the birds to be a protective shaman type being. “No matter what, this is always here for you. You can always access this.”

“The little ego down there didn’t think this was real or possible. See that it is. Allow the healing. You were right to trust yourself. You can allow this now. Stop playing the game of being limited, these mind games where you limit yourself. Stop these games now.”

“We can go as deep as you want in any direction, how much freedom can you take ?”

I tried to refocus on my intention of career path and life purpose. As I started to take my hands off my eyes to look at the hills, the visual distortion were more obvious. Feeling my fingers touch each other was very enhanced. Looking at my hand it started to morph a lot. In areas where my eyes weren’t focused, there were classic eye patterns. The scenery looked beuatiful. I laughed and had no problem writing down the following notes in my diary as the loopy nature of thoughts started to kick in more:

“How can your purpose be other than you in all directions?”

“All directions everywhere. Wherever you want to go, is fine. It’s all for and of itself.”

“Everything is a purpose of itself. How can it be other. How can your direction be other than into yourself infinitely? Don’t play these games anymore.”

“Healing is your purpose in all directions everywhere of itself so, for itself. No meaning needed. Just look at everything you’re making. Just look at everything you’re making in all directions of itself so.”

“Free in all directions no meaning needed.”

“Enjoy this now. Purpose and direction: you can go in any direction and you’ll find this infinitely for yourself. No meaning. How can it be other than your own purpose?”

“Show them this. Show them themselves Infinitely. For it’s own sake. No purpose needed.”

“Show them THIS. Infinitely in all directions. Wherever your focus is, that’s where you are. You heal yourself by being yourself. It’s THIS.

“It’s to heal. How it be other. It’s you anyway in all directions for itself.”

“It’s any purpose in any direction. Let yourself go. Let go of this now and heal.”

“Let go of this now and heal. Your purpose goes in any direction. It’s you and anywhere is fine, how can you go in a wrong direction?”

“Any direction is fine. It’s all you doing you anyway. You can choose to beleive it or not.”

“Give yourself permission to go wherever you want. It’s all good anyway. Heal people. Why not? Anything goes.”

“How can you be other anyway? Do whatever. Enjoy. The healing is you anyway. Show people this experience. Why not? Where are you going to go wrong? You can’t really. Unless you want it to.”

“You play whatever games you gotta play man.”

“Whatever. Show them this. Be a good person. Or Not. Why not?”

“The End.”

“My infallible attempts at writing down.”

“You can choose meaning and purpose to be whatever.”

“Do or not do is also valid. All is Valid. In any direction.”

“Wherever you’re going, it will be here anyway.”

“Just crack on. Be Whatever.”

When hiking and making my way back home, I had some small moments where I thought “I could easily get lost in this loop.” A feeling of it being possible to be trapped inside your own mind. It quickly went away as I continued hiking.

“Everything can be meaningful or meaningless. Thing can be whatever they wanna be.”

“Whatever is in the present moment, that is what there is. The End.”

Post trip, my brain feels “Reset.” Sense perception clarity has gone up like 0.5%. Extremely subtle difference but I can feel myself being slightly more in the present moment.

Overall, I don’t think it answered the question of what my life purpose should be. I simply found out that whatever you choose is valid and fine.

I'm feeling more at peace with myself today.