Diary of a sexually repressed girl

[Preety_India]

When you have the will you can overcome it. 

I trust you and I know that you are much better than who you present yourself to be. 

You have a beautiful heart and mind. 

I'm proud of you. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm no longer interested in politics. 

 

(I like whatever is happening between us. It's beautiful) 

 

[Preety_India]

Maybe we meet on the other side of life where nothing will matter, absolutely nothing. And we become one. 

I'll meet you in heaven. 

We definitely have some karma. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I have realized that there is a partner for life and a partner for karma. 

I mean there is someone who truly loves us to the point that they can die for us but maybe they can't be a good husband/wife. 

Yet they truly deeply care. 

Not saying that someone who is husband material is a bad person. No you could have someone reasonable as your husband, yet he may still love you in limited ways, in the sense they may try to achieve enough intimacy with you in order to have a workable relationship simply because they are diplomatic and smart enough to draw the right cards, they know what to say and how to say it that makes you feel good and secure around them although they don't understand your heart. 

You could have a good mind connection with them. Generally such a marriage could be more like a contract of mutual happiness and sharing but not necessarily die hard love. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

So this is God's sign huh?????? 

That my ultimate soul mate is a Virgo. 

 

 

OK I accept it then. 

 

 

 

 

I didn't have a single clue. 

 

 

So it's not a scorpio 

It was never libra 

It's not a sagittarius 

It's not an aquarius 

It's no Pisces 

Or Aries or Taurus (wasn't taurus supposed to be my favorite) 

It's not a gemini 

It's not a cancer ( I had high hopes) 

It's not a leo 

 

 

 

 

It's a virgo. 

 

OK universe I accept your decree. 

 

[Preety_India]

Did I really fall in love with a true man? 

At least this time around? 

Because all this time I always fell for false men. 

 

Please universe tell me. I'm too dumb. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm a truthful person. I don't lie. 

Whatever I say I say it from my heart. 

I might hurt you because I can hurt people when I'm angry and disoriented. 

I'm not a liar but  I can be manipulative. 

I can be selfish. 

But my intention is not to hurt or harm. 

My manipulation is something I need to control. 

So it's best if nobody trusts me. 

What is the point anyway? 

I don't know anything anyway. 

I'm just living. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Not sure about my dark side. 

The dark side of Preety.... Lolololololol. 

I always lived innocently and truthfully 

 

And sometimes paid the price for it 

 

I don't remember scamming or cheating anyone. 

I never cheated on any of my past boyfriends. 

 

The only thing I remember is being victimized by abusive people and always trying to run away from them 

 

 

[Preety_India]

To be absolutely frank, I'm a very innocent vulnerable girl. 

If you look deep into me, I am pure innocence personified. 

 

I always felt like my highest virtue was innocence. 

 

I am not like one thing on my face and then another thing behind that. I never had any agenda. I fell in love innocently. I never understood why I attracted all the bad people in my life who abused me. I will never know the answer. Maybe I'm so dumb that people can read it and sense it and I can't help but be dumb 

 

Often my ex boyfriends used to ask me "you must be playing dumb, don't play dumb." 

But I was never playing dumb. I was actually and literally dumb. To the point that I had to question my own sanity. 

 

I was probably dumb because I lacked life experience, naiveté, and I lacked social experience big time. I was mostly blissfully unaware, living in my own world and ignorant and a bit immature. 

So yea a combination of factors that caused me to stay dumb 

But I'm not that much dumb anymore. At least not that much.. 

I am improving on my dumb score. I'm getting a bit better everyday. 

Trying to keep up with others

 

Part of me being dumb could be my slow brain due to my low brain weight at birth. My birth was abnormal so I suffered learning disability and became slower than others. 

My social IQ is almost zero. 

I have trouble constructing sentences and people remind me of words because I struggle with articulation 

 

I get confused very easily. I can't drive a car because I mess up everything. 

I go frozen and dumb in emergency situations. 

People always have to tell me what to do. 

I forget a lot of stuff. 

I get clumsy and I'm not organized and I'm chaotic as hell. 

The only thing I can boast of is my psychic intelligence because I was slow in other  cognitive areas 

My psychic abilities began to grow exponentially because I never really used my brain. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

But I'm creative. I can give that much. 

I'm cognitively dumb. I'm not high on IQ or any normal cognitive stuff 

 

My social cognition is poor. 

My emotional and psychic cognition is better. 

I'm cognitively dumb but I'm still creative. 

 

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I have realized that there is a partner for life and a partner for karma. 

I mean there is someone who truly loves us to the point that they can die for us but maybe they can't be a good husband/wife. 

Yet they truly deeply care. 

Not saying that someone who is husband material is a bad person. No you could have someone reasonable as your husband, yet he may still love you in limited ways, in the sense they may try to achieve enough intimacy with you in order to have a workable relationship simply because they are diplomatic and smart enough to draw the right cards, they know what to say and how to say it that makes you feel good and secure around them although they don't understand your heart. 

You could have a good mind connection with them. Generally such a marriage could be more like a contract of mutual happiness and sharing but not necessarily die hard love. 

 

 

Yea I was contemplating this. 

It could be that we really and truly love someone yet they are not the best when comes to marriage 

Like I said Trenton is someone who understands me on much deeper level and we have fights. Yet it's a form of karmic love. 

 

But Rupert is a very practical guy who understands me mentally not heart wise. 

 

[Preety_India]

Yes there is a person who we can love truly and from our hearts. 

Yet they don't come with us on our journey. 

We get married to the one who truly wants to make it work and comes together to work out a future. But this person might not be the one your heart asked for. 

That's the realization I'm coming to.. 

And Rupert reminds me of that. 

 

 

 

Rupert is not exactly selfless. 

But Rupert is smart in understanding what I need. 

 

Out of all the characters the one that I have a heart connection with is Trenton. 

Chayne has a deep bond with me. 

Trenton understands my heart. 

Rupert kinda senses my mind and is generally smart. 

Reece is just infatuated with me. 

The one that is left is Mae'rr. 

 

 

Edited April 19, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Mae'rr is an interesting character. 

He is my boss. 

He is very calculating 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Time for me to sleep. 

I have been writing about these characters all day long 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Rupert has a large collection of ancient weapons. He is good at collecting such stuff. 

 

[Preety_India]

Mae'rr is someone I'm deeply attracted to. He is so masculine 

I imagine him looking at me on my bed or soaking wet in the rains. 

He has a big body, a huge chest and he is absolutely pure masculine energy. 

I'm attracted to his shrewd and unabashed Masculinity. 

I want him to pump me up. 

He comes near me and pushes himself over me. I can feel his passion. I can feel him sensing my wild energy. And then he penetrates me hard. And rough. He doesn't stop and I give into his Masculine demands of absolute trust and passion. He keeps going and asks me if I belong to him and I moan and say yes. Yes I do. I belong to him in that time. He is pumping me so hard, I can't resist his force. I feel so happy. He is right into me, I feel him inside me and I feel I don't want to push him. I want him to keep going. I feel excited and aroused. He is hot as a freak. He understands what my body is craving for, his dick of course. 

Omg Mae'rr is very dominating. Omg. He is absolutely what I deeply crave sexually. 

I want him bad all day all night. I just can't live without what he is giving me, I just can't Mae'rr please fuck me hard. Do it, do it, have me all for yourself. You're the best, you know it. 

 

Mae'rr is quite smart, he caught my pulse.. 

 

Edited April 19, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Mae'rr sends my beat pulsating. He is extremely Masculine and tough.. 

He doesn't take a no for an answer. And he knows exactly how I feel and what I want.. 

He stretches me on the bed. In between he leaves me to get some rope and ties me up.. Now he proceeds to fuck me really deep. I can feel his hard dick pulsating my body, pumping it, he is my master right now and I love these bdsm kinks with him. 

I make slow moaning noises. He is so sexually aggressive with me and he doesn't even stop 

He is like a master and I want to desperately submit to his demands. 

 

 

 

Edited April 19, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I like his lips

I like his hair

I like his eyes. 

Mmmmmmm

He is yummmmm

 

[Preety_India]

I need a new character. I wanna be his girlfriend. A good girlfriend. 

A dominating guy. But he is benevolent. 

Whats his name? 

His name is Devon. I'm Devon's girlfriend. 

I'm Devon's girlfriend yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Devon has deep blue eyes and I'm absolutely besotted with him. 

I'm so excited to share my journey with him. He absolutely adores me. 

Devon is my boyfriend. 

My ultimate dream guy. 

He spanks me yay... 

My dream man.

He does psychedelics and I wanna try all that with him. 

Devon does not fight with me. He simply let's time take its course. He doesn't decide things. He is patient. And understanding and smart. 

 

He looks deep into my eyes every time he talks to me. I feel like an absolute angel around him. 

He is so loving and so caring and protective of me. 

I don't know his zodiac but Devon is my angel. 

I love you Devon, I love you 

Devon is calm, sweet and amazing. 

Just like the way I wanted. 

He stole my heart 

 

I don't know about husband material but he and I have the best time together whenever possible. 

He is the best yay 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 19, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

If this one thing is resolved Devon then I would be jumping in air because all of my problems are solved. 

Really really really Devon. 

I'm praying. 

 

Edited April 19, 2022 by Preety_India