Feelings Towards A Friend (how Can I Get Rid Of Unwanted Feelings)

[bazera]

So, I have this problem that really takes a lot of my emotional energy, and distracts my attention from what I really have to be doing.

I am 20 years old guy, and haven't had a girlfriend ever, I hardly even had female friends. 1 year ago, when I went to collage, my social life had changed. I've met a lot of new people, get a lot of new friends and etc. I gained communication skills, and I've found out that I am quite good in communicating with people and generally in socializing. So, what's the problem you may ask. There is this girl, which I have known for 13 years and haven't been very close most of this time. I was very shy with her and barely ever talked with her (she was my classmate btw). After entering collage, I didn't get to see her everyday as I used to in high school, but after 1 year of collage (and developing nice communication skills) I restored quite a friendly relationship with her, and I have been talking to her for like 1 year everyday, with social networks or in person. I feel really good talking to her, but the thing is, I have some kind of weird feelings with her, she is very nice to me and I am very sensitive with this (again, I haven't had a relationship with a girl EVER before). I don't really know what guys mean when they say that they "love" a girl, but the feeling I feel makes me want to talk to her every day. And the thing is, I don't want this to be this way. I know exactly what she thinks about me, and I don't want to create illusions in my head (but they keep popping up, in spite of my resisting). I don't want to feel anything towards her, because I know her answer already, if she ever finds out what's happening in my head. The worst is, that strange feeling distracts my attention from my studies and personal development. I can hardly do anything during the day when I can't talk to her. How can this be healthy? I can't even find another girl to have a relationship, because of my limiting beliefs, on which I am working on, and I will definitely fix that, but what should I do with this feeling I feel towards this girl? :\ 

Thanks for reading this, and if you've read this, please suggest me anything you think would be appropriate to do. 

[Lorence]

I have been in a somewhat same place as you. I think every guy has.

There are two roads you can follow.

1) Have her in your company as a friend not telling your feelings. She will probably find a boyfriend sooner or later, further crushing your heart.

2) When you are alone talking, EXPRESS  your feelings and what is going on in your head. No matter the result, you will feel an enormous relief.

Option 2 is definitely healthier for you and what i suggest you to do.

EXTRA TIPS:

1)DON"T BE NEEDY when you tell her how you feel. I can't stress the importance of standing on your ground and having confidence in these kind of situations.

2) Don't do it via Facebook , cellphone. DO it when you are together.

3) No matter what she responds don't get angry or depressed this will only make things awkward. Stay cool.

Finally You DON'T have to get her out of your life if she says, she sees you as friend, but i would suggest taking a small break, so you can get your head straight. But don't avoid her afterwards...

My advises  come from some experience. Best of luck!

Edited February 11, 2016 by Lorence

[bazera]

@Lorence I see the 3rd option too. Interact with other girls, and hope that unwanted feelings towards her will fade away. I just need time for building enough confidence to actually talk to girls and have intimate relationships. For me, that's not the top priority yet, because I need to fix many of my problems in order to let my confidence be high enough. 

And regarding to your options now, 

1) I am doing that right now, as I am trying to get rid of that feelings towards her, because I know that they are pointless, and only damages me. I know that finally she will get a boyfriend and she will live a beautiful life, and the thing is, I want to help her however I can, to help her reach her full potential and make her dreams come true, but as I look at myself, I kind of want that for lots of people around me. So first thing I can do is pursue my full potential, in order to be able to help others do the same. That's the main goal., 

2) That would be the worst thing for me and here is why: If I tell her how I feel towards her, I will definitely be rejected (don't ask me how I know this, I just know the person). And what will this cause? This will cause a depression and losing motivation towards anything that I do daily, including personal development. She cheers me up, we share thoughts every other day, telling each other new things and etc. So get rid of that from my life, what I will left will be no daily interactions of this kind with anyone, and that will not be good for my productivity. 

The problem of me is neediness. But overcoming this needs lots of time and lots of interactions with different people, which I don't have at the moment, and losing what I have won't do any good to me. 

That 3rd option is the best one I guess, and I will do everything I can to be able to accomplish that, even though it does need a lot of time.

Edited February 11, 2016 by bazera