What is This?? - Anxiety - Constriction energy when talking to *some particular girls

[Javfly33]

I can think about 3-4 girls this has happened me with. I think it happens when the following 3 things happen, particularly when my brain sees them as:

• attractive
• potential partners 
• I am way too attached in how they perceive me 

I just had this 5-min conversation with a girl I share flat with (I know, it's not such a good idea to mix men/women in a flat but she wasn't here when I moved so I find a little bit too exaggerated to just move because she's here Lol) (honestly everything have good, I try to not do much talking in order to not develop sexual tension or weird attachment).

So this energy is really fucking fucked up. Because when I have anxiety I more or less can see "the thoughts" that create the anxiety. But this constriction stuff is literally in the body/it´s appearing in the now, even though I really do not fucking think, I just feel really fucking weird ,like I can´t stop moving how I am positioning my hands (I guess because I am auto-analyzing myself how is she perceiving me?¿), or (and this is weird) I do not know if how am I seated is how I want to be, it's like I forget what is my true "free will" and suddenly I find myself thinking if I would be really be seated like this if I would be alone.

I can't stop thinking also: "am I seating/positioning my head/hands correctly or am I doing it in a weird way and she is noticing??" 

And when I start talking to her I also weirdly become super excited in a weird way I become too nervous and words just don't come up as relaxed as with other person I might talk to. I find hard also to talk slow with her.

Also, it might be important, the first weeks when I would talk to her this didn't happened in this extreme way, I wasn't that self conscious. So basically my anxiety has gone "worse" with this girl. It's because I developed attachment? But why? I don't have any feelings or anything else towards the girl Lol. I just have deep attachment in how she perceives me I guess?¿

By the way, all of that I have described is not related exclusively to this girl, it has happened always (in more or less degree) with the other 3-4 girls I've met in my life that weirdly they "trigger" this constricted/fucked up energy in me.

 

Edited October 29, 2021 by Javfly33