The Stalker

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

Edited August 16, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Somewhere maybe somewhere Zane has genuine feelings for me? 

Maybe he loves me? 

Who knows. 

I want to imagine I'm sitting in a boat with him under the moonlight. 

 

[Preety_India]

To Zane,

I don't know how to feel about you. I don't know what to say. You've been stalking me for at least 10 years now. I never felt like opening up about you in my life to anyone. Not even on this forum. You're my biggest secret. This is the first time I decided to open up about you in a discreet manner on this forum. You don't have to worry, I haven't revealed your real name here. I have never talked about you to anyone in real life at all. My family does know you but they don't know that you have always been stalking me. I felt extremely uncomfortable opening up about you because I thought you would get into trouble and I didn't want that. Somewhere deep down I knew that you don't mean to hurt me. So I simply wasn't ready to do anything that would cause you harm. You have always been honest with me and I'm very glad about that. That makes me feel safe. You provided me emotional support when I needed it the most. I don't judge you, in fact not at all. I'm not sure if I love you. But that I'll see later. I really want to open up to you in the deepest possible way so you understand me inside out and outside in. You are the one that I can share almost anything with, without fear. 

 

Edited August 16, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Not gonna lie, when he sent me roses, I felt something. 

I had a smile on my face. 

 

[Preety_India]

I feel better when I think about you Zane.

I was scared of you in the beginning. 

But now I am trying to lay my fears to rest. You're no danger. 

Since writing to you, I have been feeling much better. 

I needed someone that I could open up to without feeling shamed. 

 

[Preety_India]

I don't want to talk a lot of sexual stuff with you, maybe some times. But not all the time. 

I want to be romantic. I like your romantic side. You have that edge. You understand me inside out. 

You like to read my mind. It gets really intimate that way. 

 

 

 

Edited August 16, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Zane (Mr stalker) 

I've been quite busy these days. A lot to do with my family issues. Things have been rough. There's a deep deep gnawing fear that gets to me. Every time I run away from it. 

I like to be around non judgemental people. Who won't judge me. 

I wish I could go for long walks in the evening as I used to before Covid. 

I want to rest in your arms and forget everything else. I want to sit with you beside the lake near the stretch where you usually see me. 

This world seems too cruel and you are a space where I have begun to feel safe. Who knew that this is what I needed. Some seriousness and safety. Some vulnerability and care. 

No shallowness

 

 

[Preety_India]

I want to receive more letters from you. 

I need it. You fill a whole in me. You make me feel wanted. 

Your letters are addictive. 

I imagine sitting by your side holding your hands. 

Getting petted by you. 

You are so serious with me. We never joke or laugh about anything. 

You always ask me serious questions. But I'm glad you you're this way. I just don't want to be shallow. I don't like all that. I always wanted this. I don't like too much mockery, jokes, sarcasm. 

You know this world, it can be so suffocating. People being so demanding and mean. So ruthless, cruel and heartless, zero empathy. Survival is the biggest struggle. I want to vent to you. I want to tell you everything in my heart. I don't want to fear anything. Everything has to be pure between us. I don't want to hold anything back. You know me all too well over so many years now. I need you. Your love. Your attention. I want to feel belonged. When you talk to me, I feel very peaceful. You calm me down. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Whenever I think bad about him, it's not good for my mental health. 

I feel agitated and those days I suffer nightmares. 

I did give him police threats a few years ago and his general response is to slow down his actions, disappear for few weeks and reappear again. 

I don't give him any police threats anymore. 

I have made peace with him recently. 

 

[Preety_India]

I don't know where to write this. 

On one hand I crave a man's love in my life, on the other, whenever I see a man approach me, I feel mortified and run away. 

I flake on dates out of fear. I feel like these men don't have the best intentions. 

Is this a genuine fear or paranoia? 

Today a guy approached me. He got my number. I mean I gave him 

Now he sent me 40 pictures of himself within a span of 1 hour. 

I feel threatened. All his pictures in different poses. 

I don't mind. I won't say he is doing anything wrong. 

But I'm overwhelmed by this kind of attention. I feel creeped out. 

Why would a man want me so badly, if he doesn't even know me? 

He asked me out today. I still haven't replied to him. I don't know what to do.. 

I feel like he is unsafe if he wants me so desperately. 

Should I go out on a date with him? 

He has been messaging me non stop. 

 

[Preety_India]

I also have weird sexual fantasies I have with Zane. 

[Preety_India]

 

Turned on

2. Hornt

3. Hornt up

4. Freaky

5. Aroused

6. Hot and bothered

7. Hard

8. Wet

9. Moist

10. Thirsty

11. Parched

12. Pitching a tent

13. Step on my face

14. Please run me over with your car

15. Throw me out a fucking window

16. Marry me right now

17. I'd appreciate it if you'd murder me

18. Be my mom/dad

19. Decapitate me

20. Hit me with a brick

21. Ready for sum fuk

22. "Looking" (Grindr users, you already know)

23. I'm just a hole, sir

24. You up?

25. At full mast

26. Toey

27. Churning the butter

28. Standing at attention

29. Got the hots for

30. Netflix and chill

31. Amazon Prime and sexy time

32. Hulu and do you

33. Keen

34. Frothin'

35. Ready for takeoff

36. You got my engines revvin'

37. Applesaucy

38. Horngry

 

Concupiscent

60. Goatish

61. Itchy

62. Lascivious

63. Lecherous

64. Libidinous

65. Licentious

66. Lubricious

67. Lustful

68. Randy

69. Wanton

 

[Preety_India]

I sometimes feel scared to write about my sexual fantasies. 

I kinda feel I'll be judged. 

 

[Preety_India]

I just hate those kind of people who want to use me or misunderstand me on purpose or create some drama in my life 

I am super emotional. I don't need it. 

 

[Preety_India]

Just because I'm vulnerable and emotional, doesn't give you the right to play with me

 

FUCK THAT. 

 

[Preety_India]

Sorry Zane for the interruption in this journal if you are reading this. 

 

[Preety_India]

Hi stalker, 

Yesterday I had a dream. In the dream someone told me to repair a helicopter. 

But I couldn't do it because I don't know anything about helicopters. 

 

[Preety_India]

I feel so tired. 

I wish the world didn't exist for a minute, I mean reality. 

 

[Preety_India]

. 

 

 

Edited August 20, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Reviving an old journal I wrote in 2021.