ehh

[sleep]

Starting my own journal because why not. Maybe it'll be useful in whatever I'll hope to acheve with my life. 

So I've been having a notepad with goals I want to accomplish. Started with easy stuff like drink more water, don't overeat, meditate before sleep, etc. The ones I want to focus on at the moment are to have a consistent sleep schedule (current one is wacky af) and stop spending time in cess pit environments such as some imageboards I sometimes frequent.

Haven't decided yet how exactly I'll run my journal but I want to see how one goes anyways, can't hurt to try. 

[sleep]

Does enlightenment/jhannas feel as good as hard drugs? I heard meth feels so good some people just straight up orgasm when consuming it. I wonder if the same has happened to someone realizing no-self or whatever enlightenment is supposed to be. 

[sleep]

Oh also I realized I want to dress like an ancient roman. 

I don't know what I'm trying to achieve with these posts.

 

[sleep]

"I am a physical nervous system meaninglessly quivering in response to stimuli while I ride a planet across the universe. There is no intrinsic meaning to anything and no stories are true and no one is in charge and nothing at all - not anything - is wrong or needs to be changed. If my mind stops making up stories, This is exactly what it is and thats all that you can say about it. One, undifferentiated or bounded, being. Perfect and at rest." 

Post from some guy on reddit. It seems very true. I know most people here would disagree though, so I wonder what my stance of it should be.

[sleep]

Couple of things I've learned today: 

If you people to act a certain way towards you, you should start by acting that way yourself. 

Preconceptions of what relationships should be like can actually be counterproductive in forming worthwhile ones. 

[sleep]

God I hate it so much when people use the ";)" emote. It just fees so smug and narcissistic. Leo if you are reading this please stop.

[sleep]

Things I already know but want to bring more into attention:

It's good to make people feel heard and loved and to be able to open up and be vulnerable to some people, it's an important part of forming genuine friendships.

Be genuine with people if you expect to have genuine relationships.

[sleep]

"There is nothing to achieve, nothing is true"

[sleep]

feeling like shit but im somewhat ok with that, don't feel as shit as a result

[sleep]

I decided to go spend a couple of years in a buddhist monastery after I finish college

[sleep]

I'll start practicing kriya yoga and see how it goes, I'll update here maybe idk. Find out on the next episode of shitty life Z

[sleep]

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 

[sleep]

I'll use my disinterest of participating in the real world as fuel for my spiritual practice