Emotional tension in my right forarm

[ryuzaki]

Hello,

I am a pianist, but I can't practice properly because of a tension in my right forarm (extensor muscles).

When I play with that tension, after a while it begins to hurt.

And the strange thing is, when I try to relax it while playing, I have to moan and cry. It's like pushing a button. The more I relax, the more I have to cry. It can get really loud. Also my body moves around. So I can't play like that.

The best thing I can do, is to warm up before playing, and then when playing try to relax it to the point I don't have to cry yet. But then there is still some tension. I don't feel free. I believe I could play much better if I was able to relax properly.

Even now when I'm not playing, I feel tension in the arm and when I relax it I get sad and have to cry. When bending my fingers to play the keys it gets amplified.

Has anyone experienced something similair?

Also last summer it was worse and I think it was because I was manic. I tried to "let it all out" and cried a lot, but it seemed endless.

I went to a physio therapist. That helped, but it's not enough.

So I'm not manic now and it doesn't hurt as bad but it is definitely a problem for me because it keeps me from practising.