How To Let Go Of The Need/desire For Sex?

[Teddy Mc YumYum]

Ready for a lovely, humorously ironic/paradoxical question? Yeah? Awesome! Let's get started

 

So. Chris Bale. Masculine Intent. Heard of this? Basically, this guy is telling men to be them selves, and instead of trying to impress women, just "express your desire authentically". This makes sense doesn't it? he goes on to say that instead of coming from a place of neediness, you should be fully accepting of your self, and meerly share the feeling a woman is giving you, while being detached from any outcome. 

 

See, this sounds great, and to me this really does make sense. However:

..."detached from any outcome"

How. How does one detatch from outcome? Obviously I want to have sex with women I find sexually attractive. How can I NOT come from a place of wanting this?

Some of you might be thinking "You just have to see her for more than sex, try to appreciate her feminine energy, just be okay with a no, you're good enough as you are, etc". This advice is nice (really, it is), but it doesn't give any action steps. It doesn't give a practice, just more concepts to moralize and judge my self from. 

 

If anyone has any experience, sources, or ideas on how to detach from the need for sex and validation, please, do let me and anyone reading this know! 

[FindingPeace]

You're looking for a quick fix 'how to' guide. There isn't one. This is about psychology. Your psychology. To learn how to detach from these 'needs' takes time. But here's something to consider.

So you meet an attractive woman and you have the urge to have sex with her because you feel that it will be exciting, stimulating and rewarding. And let's say that you do have sex and it is as great as you thought. So, how long does that 'nice' feeling last before it becomes a distant memory and you feel no different than if you hadn't done it? Because this is what happens  sooner or later. With any experience in life. It's only temporary.

Come to realise that every experience in life, including sex, is only a temporary experience and the pleasure of it only last for a finite length of time. So then what? You have to do it again...and again..and again to keep up the 'nice' feeling. To satisfy the urge that eventually returns some time after each experience.

The point I'm getting at here is that it's an endless cycle. Having sex with any particular women will make no real difference in the long term. It will  not add any value to your future life. If you actually see this then you will realise that satisfying an in-the-moment compulsion will ultimately be no difference than if you held off and did it some other time, later on, with someone else, for example.

This is about having the self-dicipline to not be controlled by your urges and to not just give in to them because they are there, in the moment. Realise that the reward will be temporary and a point will come afterwards when it will be a distant, and unfulfilling memory. As though it had never happened. It will just be another 'story' within your story of life.

Just think about all the other experiences you have pursued in life. How are they making any difference to this present moment right now? The girl you slept with a month ago, or the party you went to last week. How does it feel right here right now? These things add no value to your life, ultimately. And in time you will see this.