How do I shift my paradigm of belief?

[mellifluous_mind]

I am highly neurotic. I let my negative thoughts tailspin and convince me of a reality that is not true. I have convinced myself that I’m undeserving of love and happiness, or that I’ll eventually ruin a great relationship. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy/attracts that very energy, and right now if anything positive happens in my current relationship, my mind automatically finds a way to negatively interpret it. 

example scenario: I’m talking with my boyfriend, and I say a joke that makes him laugh, or we have a positive exchange. 
my thoughts: “you won’t be able to keep this up.. you’ll ruin this somehow. You’re not funny or interesting.”

my behavior: Slowly get lost in my thoughts, stop paying attention to the conversation, and eventually get touchy over something or find a way to further hurt my own feelings. In other words, I act out what my thoughts tell me. Proves to myself that I’m not worthy, creates more obsessive thoughts and strong negative emotions. 

 

~ 

Now with that context, I’m wondering how I can change my belief systems about myself, and my reality. I know Leo has videos on correcting these thoughts through affirmations...
 

However, I read recently this method may not work - as you are trying to convince yourself of things that are false in your belief paradigm. This causes intense strife due to the feeling that you’re “lying” to yourself. But, if you shift belief paradigms, accepting a new reality and thought system is much easier and successful. So, you avoid feeling like you’re lying to yourself.
 

I’m wondering if anyone has any resources or thoughts on this?
 

My most deep-rooted belief that drives most of my neurosis is the belief that I am not good enough. I’ve even read some Jordan Peterson, who states when this feeling arises you must be a better person. However, my brain uses this to feed my own self-hatred.. 

If anyone has any thoughts or action to take on that belief itself, I’d really appreciate it. This has really held me back from accepting good things into my life, and has caused me to only feel comfortable this past year when I make myself miserable. I feel guilty about this wasted time (I’m 21), and am having trouble knowing what steps to take to change this belief about myself. 
 

Thank you all so much, I really appreciate the time taken to read and respond to this. Much love

[susanyzm]

I remember Leo said in an answer on the forum about limiting belief busting. He said you have to write extensively around a limiting belief in order to bust it. I'm doing it now.

I'm also quite neurotic and love ruminating. So I started a journal called "Limiting Belief Busting" and write about one limiting belief every day.  For instance, today, it's "I've wasted a lot of opportunities so that even if I have another one, I'll eventually flush it down the toilet."

I find asking questions and answer them is very effective. That abusive voice you describe in your head is just an adult implanted in your mind when you were growing up. Replace him/her with a gentle, wise, compassionate and patient one. Reparent yourself. 

I'm cultivating a new parent in my head by this journal. I don't have to argue with the abusive parent. I just need to create one that I gravitate towards. 

By the way, affirmations do work. You can start by saying things that your mind does not find repulsive. For instance, instead of saying "I'm enough", you can start by saying: "I'm willing to heal." Personally, I write affirmations on stickers and put them on the mirror so that I can say them out loud when I'm in front of the mirror. This week, it's "I take baby steps towards abundance every day."

Lastly, as Leo said over and over again, everyone is a unique puzzle.You have to experiment with your life. Almost for every piece of advice, there is one contradicting it. Both are valid. So, listen to what people say and try them out yourself. Even if something does not work for the rest of the world but it works for you, then it's Your missing puzzle. Good luck!