Been a long road...

[Thestarguitarist14]

To preface, I just turned 28.  I am African American.  I am from Maryland and have been living in Los Angeles since 2014.  I would say that I am solidly in stage yellow and green, with some orange left in me and have my eyes set on turquoise.  As far as ego development I’m at the construct stage, getting into unification.  I was raised spiritual and have developed my own definition of it and work with the law of attraction.

 

So, I have been doing a lot of healing work lately.  Thus has included therapy, mediation, yoga, martial arts and psychedelics (just did give grandma of shrooms in Joshua Tree last Saturday).  There is so much to say so I’ll just start when my pick up artist stage.

 

Back in 2013 after a first date when the next time I texted the girl she gave me the “let’s just be friends” text.  Before that I had five girlfriends between middle and high school/college that went no where, getting dumped all but one time.  I dated some other women in college that went no where.  I had sex with three different women, two of which were the year before.  I was getting numbers in college, but getting flakes on.  I had my first kiss when I was five so there’s that.  I got mad and one day in a Barnes and nobles (where she worked and was working that day) I saw and bought the rules of the game thirty day challenge.  Before the thirty days ended I was getting numbers and started dating a woman that I picked up at the mall.  Little did I know that this was the beginning of my self development journey.

 

My first year of pick up was meh.  I dated one more girl that year off okcupid that was meh.  I moved to San Bernardino California and dated a female drug dealer who ditched me for another guy who had a car.  

Once I moved to L.A (Santa Monica) in the summer things picked up.  I had some cool roommates that I would go out with and I started to hook up with more women.  I never really reached my potential as a pick up artist just because it was never my main focus.  I moved out to L.A to be an actor/filmmaker and was going to school so  I never fully put myself into it and only really approached on the weekends.  Also, I spent most of my time feeling depressed so I did not have as much fun as I could have.  Fortunately between Santa Monica, Venice and Hollywood I was able to have some fun.

My second year of pick up was decent.  I got with around 25 women.  I dated a few with one I really liked.  But she did heroin and was a total mess. 

At the end of 2015 I listened to Leo speak about pick up artists and it made me re evaluate everything.  At that point, I was already getting deeper into self development, reading all kinds of books and first learning about law of attraction.

2016 comes, I had to go back home for a bit and was basically a MGTOW from February to August. I moved to Hollywood mid August and focused on making money.  By the end of the year I was dating two women.

 

Early 2017 I just focused on my money, dating one young woman.  By the summer however, I had a good time, getting with one woman and dating several.  I really self sabotaged with this one woman though, ditching her at a club.  Then afterwards got ditched by some chick in an acting class.  After that I decided to take a break from women.

 

Of course I do that I enter the acting class of what Leo would call a “false prophet”.  She was about ten years older than me.  She was all into “love” and had some obsession over me feeling it.  Long story short it did not end well and I went into semi retirement.  Around this time I started diving deeper into manifesting.

 

2018 was a tough year.  I was in a shit living situation, not making as much money as I once was, acting opportunities were drying up as well.  I had a long distance thing with this one woman who I met in L.A, but was going to school in Vancouver B.C.  Did not work out.  Still friendly to this day,  I dated one girl who was meh.  I then moved to the bay and and San Diego which is when I started studying Buddhism.  I hooked up with two woman in San Diego.  San Diego is not a great city to be single.

 

By the spring of 2019, I move back to L.A.  This is where things got interesting.  I was actively going out and meeting women, hooking up and dating here and there.  I began dating two women that I worked with.  One was this tall, pretty, sweet, loyal, funny, just awkward girl.  The other was this punk rock type chick who dyed her hair, was twenty, had a Boyfriend and was raped by her father multiple times as a child.  
 

Guess who won my heart?

 

The punk rock chick and I had a deep connection.  Only issue was how egotistical she was (I’d say she was in the conformist ego level and stage red/orange with a little green within spiral dynamics).  She showed me a lot of red flags.  She even left to move with her boyfriend 12 hours away.  At first that was hard.  But right before she came back, I had dated another woman and back to back week got with the two hottest women that I had ever gotten with.  Then she comes back, starts bread crumbing and I noticed this.  After going out New Year’s Eve with a friend, I message her, looking to make this legit.

 

I got ghosted.

 

After that, she would stalk me on Instagram every time I posted.  It was awards season so I had some good times.  But I was depressed and not doing the proper healing work.  I would have opportunities with women, but would self sabotage and not give a shit.  I remember right before the pandemic hit this one chick was hitting on me.  I have her a hard time and she said “are you kidding me?”  

 

Then the pandemic hit and my life changed.  Suddenly I had more time than ever to myself.  I began to mediate three times a day, did DMT a bunch of times, shifted my career focus from acting and filmmaking to music and novel writing (things have been going well) and eventually blocked the punk girl, tired of her games.

 

I went on a zoom date with an actress who is 11 years older than me who I had known since 2015.  She was in a relationship that had grew stagnant.  I got her back by telling her that I loved her.  Not in a needy way.  I just felt like not playing games.

 

After a three hour date where we even discussed doing a project with each other we did not speak for a month.  I messaged a month later with the screenplay that we spoke about.

 

Got ghosted.  She too started to stalk me on Instagram.  Though I called her out on it.  No response from that either.

 

This was a month ago.  Since then I began some deep healing. A bunch of inner child work, sacral chakra work, self sabotage meditations, Sedona method releases (was already doing that) working on abandonment issues.  After my shrooms trip last week I was finally able to emotionally detach.  

 

Both women were strong soul to soul connection. Both were also narcissists who were praying on me, seeing my kindness as weakness.  I as a co dependent and wanting acceptance, fell into the games the first time around.  Not this time.

 

Right now, I released my debut E.P, a lofi experimental, neo psychedelia, avant-garde garage rock E.P, that has gotten nearly 40,000 plays on Spotify.  I am talking to some labels right low.  I am nearly done with my first novel, as well as updating it as a bi weekly web novel.  I have picked up four endorsement deals on Instagram from clothing and jewelry brands.  I Just auditioned for a film last week and still audition when I can.  am still doing a ton of deep healing, adding shamanic tapping into the mix.  I am on bumble, but that’s about it.  California is still on lockdown, so not much to do right now.  I would say that I am manifesting my twin flame as it were (check out goldraytwinflames for some no b.s no fluff on what twin flames actually are).

 

I have also ended all my friendships in my life.  They were all dead end friendships.
 

You can say that I am going through a dark night of the soul.  That is why I am here.  I was told that finding some like minded people would make this easier.

 

So...hi.

Edited September 17, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14