beginning a new stage of life- seeking committed environment. Advice?

[enderx7]

TL;DR Looking advice finding a space where I can devote myself to personal growth and service full-time, The rest is mostly providing context for where my minds at and where what point I'm at in my spiritual journey for those who prefer extra info to tailor their advice. I greatly appreciate any wisdom anyone has to share and if so thanks in advance for taking time out of your day to help.  

 

About 4 years ago the universe gave me a gift that totally changed the direction of my life. Psycdelics woke  me up from percieving life as the nihilistic materialistic gray blob to a living magical mysterious wonder. I was always obbessed with mystery but after this my obession slowly became more one pointed towards consciousness and spirituality. Then  I got a job as a security guard at a data center. This security job was huge blessing, the first 3 years I did the graveyard shift and I was completley alone for most of my shift and as long as I did a tour of the building every few hours and was aware of camera's/ anything going on my employer didn't care what I did between. This opened a massive amount of space in my life where I was a semi hermit barely having to digest  "engery" I didnt choose :people ads, etc( had no idea how big a difference this makes) and the 8 hours a day thats usually obliterated by doing things I dont care about in previous workplaces was now open. I started devouring any knowlegde that seemed promising: various mystical traditions, ancient wisdom, podcasts, learning from fellow seekers like leo and others, and started a meditation pratice (TMI method) experimented with the shambavi mahamudra  kriya yoga offer by isha/sadhguru (kinda on the fence about my feelings towards the practice and him/isha)

 

The main theme of this stage was Learning and later on the start of the healing process, but I've felt change in the wind for awhile both internally and externally. On the internal side I began to become frustrated by the limits of logical/rational learning. I had always worshiped the intellect but it was becoming obvious there is a undeniable gap between knowing and being or between learning and experiencing. I had sharpened my logical and rational tools to a point and the only thing it revealed was their inadequacy to deliver what I desired. And externally it also seems like this situation is coming to a close. The data center I was a securtity guard for got bought out by another business. The merger will likely be chaotic, its run by a Mormon family in utah  and i get the feeling they are redisgining basically everything about the company to their liking (as is their right they own it now) and if the position still exists it seems like it will be very different and will lose many aspects that I found valuable.

 

It just seems like the perfect storm for moving to a new stage in life. If this last stage was focused around learning and figuring out what I wanted to experience in life then I will make the next stage about being and embodying, healing and doing the work. After seeing how all this space changed the quality of my life the thought of going backwards and working the arbitrary grind is stifling, there's zero chance I'd be able to progress and just maintaining conscioussness would be a real challenge. If I can't go backwards to less space then I might as well make the leap into more space. I don't have any  obligations tying me down and dont have a many possessions and none that I dont mind losing, nows the time in  life to do something like this, although I dont have much money. I want to become even more one pointed to the things that bring one closer to the absolute. I want to find a space where Im devoting my time to spirtual growth and service and hopefully surrounded by like minded people if not then at least solitude. I am not willing to swear any binding life oaths as I take my word seriously and why would this Ignorant version of me try and bind the future (hopefully) less ignorant version of me when freedom is what is sought. It's a bonus if there are willing teachers who give freely of their wisdom but as my motto is: believe nothing disbelive nothing that is not your experience, Im definitly not interested in playing pick a guru but I  appreciate aid from wiser peers. Im currently balls deep in researching my options and its difficult because the genuine ashrams/etc dont care much for advertising themselves and the ones that do are mostly focused on your wallet (im poor, gonna have to pay with service), but I figured this amazing forum might have similiar minded peeps  with experience in this kind of thing and I'm hoping you'll grace me with your wisdom. The traditions that might have spaces like this which resonate with me the most are probably tantric yoga( kashmir shavism), yogic Hinduism, or any kind of nondenominational space that sounds like it would fit my needs. Buddhism/zen is less desirable to me for a few reason, advaita vedanta is similar but could work out. Very gratiful for any advice or general tips and thanks if you made it through that long post lol.