Insight Diary - ElectroBeam

[electroBeam]

This is a diary semantically documenting major insights and discoveries.

It's pretty clear to me what the difference between an insight and an awakening is. It's sort of like once you have an insight or awakening you instantly know it is one. But incase people have different definitions I will describe mine below:

1. An insight is becoming conscious of how a part of reality works, or becoming aware of the nature of something as being belief rather than truth.

2. An awakening is a discovery or becoming conscious of how reality works all at once. It's an insight which becomes conscious of all of reality.

 

I'll start off with my 2nd awakening experience(just happened):

 

was practicing self inquiry. I focused my awareness on the thing behind the eyes. The me, the ego. I asked myself "where is this thing in the present moment. How do I know it's real? Why do I think it's real".

 

Something totally unexpected happened. 

 

Imagine a window. Imagine all your life you have been looking at the dust on the window. Then all of a sudden you see what's outside the window. The cars, houses, trees etc. The dust becomes insignificant.

 

That's what happened with 'me the ego. I was focusing on becoming conscious of the ego. Then I saw past or through the ego, as if it was that dust, and saw myself as the present moment, as consciousness. 

 

It was like the ego transformed from being some soul or voice in my head, to being all of reality. 

 

Important stuff learnt from this awakening:

1. The ego is NOT a personality, soul, devil, demon, "ghost inside your head" as Leo called it in his survival video, an enemy, a distraction, who you are, a person, the body, your mind, etc. The ego IS misidentification(period). Fundamentally, essentially misidentification. Thats it. It's only function is to misidentify.

2. To get good results with self inquiry, practice placing awareness on purely your identification. who are you? What do you think you are? What ownership is going on in consciousness. What is it that is owning stuff? Focus real hard on identification itself. 

Edited September 28, 2019 by electroBeam

[electroBeam]

A Secret Intelligence of the body

It was discovered that the ego claims an intelligence of the body which does not belong to it. 

How it was discovered

Was doing Shambhavi, the part where you block the left and right nostrils repetitively. Asked the question "who is the one blocking the nostrils?". Was noticed/observed that the nostrils were not being blocked by 'me'. I.E. I(the ego) was not controlling my fingers and hands, I was not 'doing' the meditation. The meditation was occurring through an intelligence not associated with the ego. I was not in control of the intelligence(which is counter intuitive to what I thought before, before I thought I was the one doing the meditation. That is incorrect). 

Technical Notes

I'm not sure if 'free will doesn't exist'. Or if free will is an illusion. From my POV, while I am not the one controlling the body, my consciousness clearly does affect how my body is controlled. I can certainly influence my body's movements consciously, I just am not the one controlling it. I can also clearly sense negative and positive sensations and how these sensations will affect what my body chooses to do. 

Implications of this discovery

In the past I have struggled to keep up my meditation, figure out how to make my meditation my effective, etc. If however, I stop trying to control my meditation (instead of me do the meditation, I let the meditation do me) I can observe objectively how the meditation goes and become aware of the blockers and things that make my meditation ineffective, or make me want to quit my meditation prematurely. I can then put myself into positions which remove these blockers, or simply allow the awareness of these blockers cure them, I.E. let 'God' handle it. 

[electroBeam]

Why don't I connect with people? 1 Concious step closer

Background

I dont(and haven't since I was a child) felt connected with friends, relatives, etc. The biggest issue with this is I care deeply about my career, and not having the charisma, or ability to connect with people affect that. People don't trust me, aren't interested in talking to me, and don't help me. I have no idea why. I can feel I don't connect, that I don't relate. Everything he or she cares about, I don't care about. His/her opinions about life do not align with me. She/he sees the world one way, I see it another. The person cant find a common thread to connect with me in, to share a common experience, im different in every way. They feel like they are talking to an alien, someone outside the social norm and this scares them. Its uncanny, something isnt right. They can sniff im being inauthentic, trying to be normal when im not. They hate being in this feeling of uncanny. Am I wasting my time with this person? Is this person safe to talk to? Is talking to someone as uncool as this affecting my social status? They leave at the first instant possible.

 

Having said that, it's not like this with everyone. There are some people out there that are just so joyful, so charismatic, so happy that they can turn the uncanny sensations they feel from me into something comfortable - if they even need to consciously put effort here at all. But this is 1/10 people.

Insight

What i experienced today was awe striking. I was at a networking event. I was alone, which is quite normal, watching everyone around me having their conversations over beers. There were clusters of people all mingling together. As I was listening to their conversations, suddenly all of the semantic meaning of their speeches just dropped. Instead of listening to their words I listened to the energy that their words were spoken with. I became conscious of their auras, their vibrations. And I saw with my own eyes, that rapport was not being developed by what they were saying, but rather by the orchestration of people's energies/vibrations dancing with each other in a synchrony. Wow all your life you've been brought up with the importance of the words you use and how you use them. Then I just had the experience where the semantic meaning of what people said was not a cause, but a side effect of the interactions of energies between people. 

Why can't I connect with people? Its not my body expression, it's not my smile or lack of, it's not the way I dress. Its non of that stuff. Its my energy, my presence, my aura. What I say is almost unimportant(surprisingly!). Its literally the energy in the words i say that count. I could say "your dick is quite small but i like you" and if i say it with a strong, present, comfortable presence and energy, they wont feel uncomfortable. If i say "Hi pleasure to meet you" and say it with an anxious energy, they will run a mile. 

At the end of the day, it doesn't solve my problem because my vibration/energy does not resonate with theirs, but it gives me a deeper appreciation for what is causing me to not connect with people, which is significant for me personally.