can't blame yourself or anyone | can only brace for impact

[SoonHei]

had a deep seeing yesterday during a sit where I saw how I am the appearance of my room, with everything in it

i was the awareness of it all

including the distinction i call my body

it was very freeing but also a bit of fear - i could have gone deeper but held on due to the attachment with the fear "what if i lose control of my body and it starts to scream and do weird stuff" and a few others along this line

 

also. the thought came, while i was mainly grounded in awareness, and staying in the unknowing - that all arises spontaneously... so though i am having this fear about whether to go deeper or not... the "choice" to go deeper or stop here will not be mine... i can only buckle up and try to relax and enjoy the ride

 

guess that's what adyashanti means... that when the reality takes a hold of you, you are almost being dragged thru it... and i can see how that can be an issue.. only for the ego.. only the ego will find fear or resist whatever happens

 

if lose a job happens, so it happens... ego wont like it. the unknowing awareness just accepts

 

another thing, no matter what arises... no matter what work you do.. even all the ego traps.. or spiritual ego traps... they are unavoidable... 

we often hear, that the ego takes hold of the teachings and works with that to perpetuate itself...

but since there is no you doing it... the fact that the ego took hold and was doing its thing is also beyond you. it is simply what's happening NOW

 

I, as the unknowing awareness, simply knows the Plot of the movie of Life unraveling before me.

being grounded in that I  was very freeing... in that grounding, the fear thoughts of ego were seen.

 

this thread's creation was inevitable

me setting goals and trying to achieve them and failing, is also inevitable

me finally seeing thru WHY i am unable to overcome my addictions and then as a result of this seeing, finally being able to overcome them, is also inevitable and out of my control

so in true deep freedom - you as the awareness, simply allow it to unfold and be okay with it.    <<< whether you do this as the ego or as the awareness - that is out of your control and inevitable as well.

 

 

to be, or not to be, that is the question!