4-AcO-DMT | 30mg | What the fcuk was that? o.O

[TheThingy]

This was my second trip and very different from my first one.

Trip

I wake up, eat my breakfast and hit the gym. It is slightly busier Saturday than usually - I have to arrange some things and make a few phone calls. All in all, I feel productive today.

When I finally get to meditating, it is already 10:30. I have mixed feelings whether I should trip today because of how in the zone I feel with my usual matters. Let alone a strong dose. However, I juts follow my plan without thinking too much and so at 11:00 I drink a glass of water with 30mg 4-AcO-DMT. I sit down at my spot and start meditating. I am sensing my body, breathing air into various body parts. At some point I repeat "I'm ready to die - show me the truth.", but it sounds so fake. I am not convinced.

The come up is like a come up of a storm. Suddenly the room turned darker. I feel the heaviness of the dose I took. I start to worry. It was irresponsible to take 30mg when I am not 100% in the mood for a trip. I am just asking for a bad trip. I feel anxiety come up. My pulse is probably around 150 bpm. I decide it will be much easier to handle if I turn off the lights, set comfortably in my bed, and surrender to what happens by starring at the ceiling.

Some time into staring at the moving ceiling I figure I feel very well. The anxiety is gone. I feel curious in exploring any phenomena I see around myself. So I dress up, turn on the lights and get back to my spot. By that time I am really tripping. I stare at the 3m x 2m paradise sunset jigsaw puzzle in front of me.

Patterns and colors are moving around. Everything is beautiful. Lots of fun.

Suddenly - a blackout. At some point I feel like being a liquid. Just existing there with no purpose. As if the whole universe is just that. Then blackout again.

Suddenly I notice senses. A glimpse of 15:00 comes up. I feel a taste of tomato omelet. An occasional glimpse of light. I start to connect the dots. I am standing. The room looks familiar. I look around. Who am I? Where am I? Why am I here? Nothing makes any sense. Random memories pop up. It all looks familiar, but I can't make any sense of it. People, names, places. These are my experiences, but I don't recognize any of it. As if I've been placed in this body from elsewhere. I lost my memory!

I look at various things in the room. Maybe I should go play with some of them until I can make more sense of what is going on. I do that, but I can't concentrate on anything. I wander from one thing to another.

There is a smartphone over here. I look at the messages. They are in 3 different languages. Do I really know all these languages? I can read it. How cool is that. This is a person I really care about. I look at the photos. Wow. She is beautiful. Seems like I've been nagging her with all this stuff. Poor human being. Suddenly I feel an enormous sense of love.

More names and people come to mind. I sit down at the computer to google. That's the organization I must be working for. What are they doing? These are my colleagues. But how am I going to do my job without any memory? What is my position there? Eventually more and more memories come. Bits and pieces start to connect and make sense.

I look out the window. It is such a beautiful day. Sunny. I touch the window. Warm. I touch it with my face. Then my chest. Then my whole body. It feels so good. I wish I would have a cat. It would certainly agree with me.

Just like that, step by step, I collect the bits and pieces of my life before the blackout. 3 hours later I have a somewhat full picture. I am full of joy. I am ready to go start living my life. Occupy myself with all these things that this current me finds important. I am full of ecstasy. My mind is sharp and clear. Completely at peace.

Take away

That was a brainfuck beyond scale. Nothing negative though. I don't know what happened nor how to interpret it. I feel like I was planted in this body. My short term memory was wiped. I have to reconstruct everything from the long term memory. The sad part is that the peak of the trip never reached the long term memory. I know I saw things, but it looks like a blackout looking at it now. I underestimate psychedelics. I got to be more cautious. I think I have enough content for contemplation. Another trip will have to wait.

[Forestluv]

Nice report! It sounds like a profound trip with ego death and rebirth.

I’ve had similiar blackout periods during peaks. I get bumned out because it feels like I missed something. Yet, awareness while coming down is really insightful into egoic structure, empathy and oneness.

[TheThingy]

30 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

Nice report! It sounds like a profound trip with ego death and rebirth.

I’ve had similiar blackout periods during peaks. I get bumned out because it feels like I missed something. Yet, awareness while coming down is really insightful into egoic structure, empathy and oneness.

I always imagined ego death to be a scary experience, as if watching blood being drained out of my body into a bucket. Laying in bed really helped me to relax and once I got back to my spot everything felt effortless and beyond my control.

Would you associate blackouts to high doses that one cannot handle yet? It must have been extremely educational to be able to consciously follow the transitions from body meditation all the way to turning into a matter in the universe. What a bummer.