(can't Come Up With A Catchy Title But Anyway) My Journal

[Natasha]

@SmartFixer_OceanJjb ((Hugs))

This week's Leo's video is really dense, I have to watch it again to get everything he's trying to deliver. 'Deficiency' paradigm vs 'Being' paradigm. Problems arise when we adopt deficiency mindset. Do a self-inquiry and ask yourself what do I need to be happy and whole? If you're completely honest with yourself, the answer would be - nothing. Just being is all we need and all we are, period. Everything is just being, is it not? Look around, everything.. even our thoughts. As Leo said, we are no different from everything around us, made up of the same substance. It's just is and it's all one free flowing energy, no separation. Everything and nothing. It's so simple and right in front of our nose, we tend to miss it. This is truth, this is enlightenment.

[Natasha]

Just wanted to share this beautiful piece. Hugs

 

[SmartFixer_OceanJjb]

Today's Sunday.  Yesterday was Saturday (naturally.  lol)  Around 2am, I watched this week's Leo's video which is longer than 1 hour!?!?  -- I fell asleep and woke up now.  I remember it was during Neti neti guided meditation.  Unlike me, I was busy going here and there yesterday and I was really tired.  

Today gonna be busy too.  I will come back and watch Neti Neti guided meditation, probably this evening.  

[SmartFixer_OceanJjb]

I know I shouldn't get influenced by my environment.  I know I shouldn't get upset.  I know I shouldn't get annoyed.  But I do stupidly.  I know I should get out of this situation.  But I don't have guts.  I'm stupidly stuck.  What I know is that, I don't want to die today.  I want to feel better just before I'm dying.  No I'm not trying to get any attention.  I'm just being honest about what I'm thinking and expressing it.  That's all.  Because this is my journal.  

At this moment, my psychological state is far from enlightenment and actualization.  So deeply stuck in ego.  Minimum thing that I can do at this moment is to be brutally honest to myself.  

[SmartFixer_OceanJjb]

Gosh I thought that I was finally blocked in actualized.org cuz I'm just so negative or something.  lol. -- Around 3am PST, I couldn't log-in.  

I watched Leo's youtube video around 2am PST or so, as religiously as usual.  I forgot what I wanted to write here tho.  

I don't remember the detail of the contents that I wanted to write, but what I remember was . . I wonder if Leo's doing ok?  I don't know . . I sensed some kind of 'pain' in his expression, though I was not watching the video but more like listening to the video.  

[SmartFixer_OceanJjb]

What to focus on in life:  

1. Meditation
2. Enlightenment
3. Life Purpose
4. Learning/Education
5. Slow deliberate mindful action
6. Contemplation
7. Being

 

What to minimize in life: 

1. Friendships
2. Relationships
3. Family commitments
4. Hobbies
5. Any kind of recreational fun

 . . No I'm not going to hate you Leo.  lol.  You are Absolutely Right for this.  

Oh yes I watched Leo's uploaded video, as my Sunday Darn Early Morning Church like 1AM PST . . And I fell asleep as usual, so I'm watching it again.  

 

I kinda knew what he said in the video since my teenager age.  "Bunch of family craps" . . LOL.  I never understood why people take 'family' as such a Holy thing.  It's just a biological connection.  Nothing 'holy' about.  

 

I finally found somebody whom I can respect.  Leo's Youtube, My Sunday F--king Early Church.  

 

 

What???  "Carnel craving"??  This part at 43:40 --> https://youtu.be/XR7mjtoAdpM?t=43m40s

Wow . . It's kinda hard of exhausting my music and food craving.  

If I can make all what he said in the vid, I'm sure I can be happy on street after retired and till death.  Yup that's my ultimate of ultimate goal, although I don't know if I can make it to the level or not.  

But at the same time, I sense that, Leo can say it because he earned enough money to the level that he can go whatever of seminars of his choice freely.  My point here is, We need to earn and become kinda 'rich' materially first, and realize the 'emptiness' in the material richness, then lose the 'material rich-ness' then you ultimately become 'really rich' internally.  That is the process necessary to go through.  I think.  

Anyway thank you Leo.

 

[SmartFixer_OceanJjb]

I LOVE this kind of Leo's controversial topic.  Yes, I've been watching Leo's Darn Early Sunday Morning Church since 2 AM PST, falling asleep several times.  

I don't mean to be offensive to people here tho...  "God's Love" sounds offensive to me.  "F---ing Nature" seems appropriate to me.  More like, typical religious stuff or idea have been offensive to me.  Religions are "moral fantasies" to me.  Religions make you narcissists.  Religions are for people who gave up thinking by themselves.  <-- This is the environment that I grew up, which . . might be unbelievable for some people.  That's what my grandma used to say to me.  She was radical . . lol.  

Being "Ethical" and "Conscientious" are enough.  Don't need religion.  

My reality is that I married to an older guy . . I accepted the fact that I've grown up in a dysfunctional family and the result . .  and he's dying earlier, and I may be on the street when I got retired, so I need to be enlightened to live in fantasy.  I think I'm grasping my reality real good.  I surrendered to my reality.  

Edited May 29, 2016 by SmartFixer_OceanJjb
not to add ad 'reply' to my thread

[Natasha]

6 hours ago, SmartFixer_OceanJjb said:

 My reality is that I married to an older guy . . I accepted the fact that I've grown up in a dysfunctional family and the result . .  and he's dying earlier, and I may be on the street when I got retired, so I need to be enlightened to live in fantasy.  I think I'm grasping my reality real good.  I surrendered to my reality.  

This might be YOUR reality, but it's not THE reality. It's like saying Mickey Mouse cartoon is reality. You are what's watching the cartoon, not the illusory character in it. Hugs 

[SmartFixer_OceanJjb]

I watched my Sunday Church Leo.  This week, I didn't fall asleep cuz it's less than 30 min.  lol.  Actually I watched last week's too but I kept falling asleep cuz it's long like 1 hr.  I understand that there's some reason why can't make it shorter.  So long one is fine.  But if it's long one after midnight...  I keep falling asleep so keep the vid playing.  Oh well.  

'thinking' & 'awareness'