Can’t get past observer / life predetermined

[Mvpjouney]

Hi All,

im still quite new to enlightenment work so apologies if this question has been asked, I searched a bit and couldn’t find it.

 

basically I understand that I am not my ego-body-thoughts, and I am at the stage of just being an observer of self in a way. I can’t get my head around though that, are all my thoughts predetermind? E.g. my parents put thoughts and ideas into my head, I act on instinct or after some thought based on those ideas/views of life/world. Over time I develop my own thoughts and ideas on the world based on experiences and people that influence me and then make decisions based on that. So really are the decisions mine, or was it only ever going to go this way?? As an observer of thought/“my” life it feels like I am not actually in control, I just act based on my previous experiences (and when I was younger I was essentially acting based on my parents past experiences and view on the world).  

Maybe im missing something to get me past thinking like this was but I’ve just been a bit stuck. Would appreciate some thoughts on this.