Trip Report Magic Truffles - Dissolving

[Timotheus]

Dosage: 20g Magic Truffles
Duration: 6 hours (instead of the usual 3 hours for this dosage and substance)

First of all, if you don't want to peel onions too much or don't want to rely on more or less dubious people,these truffles are EXTREMELY easy to get here in the EU.

I made a shroom tea and added some lemon tek to it. I highly recommend it.

I am now at a point where I can see when many of my traumas come up, that they're not me. My mind comes up with all sorts of more or less terrifying stories and images, but I can be at peace with it, cause I am that what's looking. So I was doing fine up to a certain point where I was just brutally made aware of the fact, that there is no love in my life and seemingly has never been there. I thought I was fucked, my brain chemistry and conditioning simply won't allow that to be any different in my life. "Okay I have to accept this" "This? This for eternity? This hell?" It seemed unbearable - I had to turn on music. It didn't help. I switched to a non duality talk.
And then I cried out of pure gratitude. This burden seemed to be washed away from me. My sense of self started to dissolve. My whole body felt like it was slightly vibrating and pleasantly warm. At this point, I was no longer afraid to die, I would have been completely okay with that. I had short glimpses where I realized that I am my whole field of perception. I was my living room. I almost creamed my pants, like really. This was like I would have imagined sex with the person you love to be like - to some degree. Although my chances to attract the opposite sex, objectively speaking, are above average, I did not have the privilege to experience this pleasure, since I am deeply wounded by feelings of unworthiness and therefor being open to another person or vulnerable always seemed to be unbearable and too terrifying to me and so I lost some chances. It felt like this wounds were directly addressed at this point. It was beautiful, but at the same time there was still resistance, I had difficulties allowing this love and beauty to flow through me, it was like a force gently dissolving all this pain. "I do not deserve this" - I was rolling on my couch and made some kind of wrenching moves. The beauty and warmth at this point was completely unrelatable to anything I have ever experienced in my life so far - writing this almost makes me tear up. Speaking about sex, sex still seemed nice at this point, but mostly because of the love and joy I could be able to create within another human being by doing so. My neighbors were having a party. It was quite noisy, which usually would have disturbed me, but I was just so happy for them having a good time. I tried to share my love with them, simply by loving them. "How can I share all of this with the world?"
All I could think of then was: "It is all perfect. It is perfect. It is just so beautiful..perfect..perfect".  Something then told me that this is just the beginning- I got hit by a tiny tiny glimpse of what's going to come and I was immediately terrified by its beauty and had to resist.

What then followed were probably about 3 hours of non stop laughing and crying, every thought that came up at this point made me laugh and every recognition of the perfection of creation made me cry.

Everything you ever wanted is to be found in death.
     
Thank you

 

Edited April 16, 2018 by Timotheus