6 Insights from an awakening experience

[molosku]

Well that happened for me a couple of days ago, and needless to say it was reeeeally something. These tips are written sort of like notes for myself, so don't read these as commands you must follow. This thread is not a "tell us how you did it" thread, because the truth is, there is no method so what's the point. If you really really wanna know it happened trough (in order of importance):

• Pure, cosmic dumb luck
• I was on mushrooms (quite mild trip, could have had a normal convo although it would have not been pleasant at the time)
• Prolonged daily meditation practise (30-120min per day)
• Mindfulness (I consider myself a beginner)
• Self-inquiry (gonna do ALOT more of this in the future)

At the time when it happened, I had been meditating and self-inquiring for about 50minutes. Then: BAM! But here are the insights:

 

Forget enlightenment, instead go straight for TRUTH

Leo (among many others) has mentioned this multiple times but I'll mention it again because its CRITICAL. Enlightenment is not true for you (or me atm, I was not awakened permanently) until you have it, until then, forget enlightenment and set you course for truth. Consider enlightenment as another bullshit story until you get it personally. Stop thinkin "Im awareness, Im awareness, Im everything...." This trap is a big one and I was In it for quite some time. Truth and enlightenment are NOT the same thing in this sense. I strongly feel one big reason my awakening happened because I really really really forgot everyhting I had heard and read about enlightenment and the truth of no-self moments before it happened. Thats why it blew me away so hard: THE SELF DOES NOT EXIST! The deeper you forget enlightenment, the better. It helps if you:

Stop consuming enlightenment theory (so much at least)

All this is doing is filling your head with bunch of ideas, and you don't want that. It's just another distraction from doing the actual work. Your mind knows this. it's really safe and sound when you are concentrating on ANYTHING other than it.

When you inquire, its CRITICAL to REALLY mean what you are asking

You must really be interested to the bone what you are, you must crave the truth with every inch of your being. Robotically repeating the questions will get you nowhere. I encourage you to think about other things as well before/during inquiry to really get your interest and love for life going, like the universe, life, death etc.

Also, when you inquire, do it with a big dumb smile in your heart and face. LOVE the question, LOVE the fact that silence is your answer EVERYTIME you ask a question. LOVE that you feel frustrated, because:

The more you "fail" at inquiry, the better

Feeling stuck? GREAT! That means your mind is hard at work trying to do the impossible. Realize that thats the purpose of inquiry. Do it anyway.

Become really aware between the distintion between a memory and a truth

Cross your hands and look at them. There they are. Now close your eyes. They now have zero reality to them physically, now you only have a memory of them. Memory is just a mental image and NOT true. You only have the sensation of your hands, and you percieve them in your consciousness. Also, the room you think you are in, does not exist, nor does your head, body, the world or ANYTHING other than the stuff that is in your direct experience. When you close your eyes, the world literally disappears. You must be diligent to give absolutely ZERO reality to anything other than your experience.

Spiritual ego exists only so you can give it away

Don't try to become really "spiritual" person, thats nonsense. You already are the spirit, there is nothing that could build it more. Don't mistake spiritual ego to be some better and kinder version of your regular ego. It's a hot potato your ego latches onto, it possibly makes you feel happier and more positive, but it blinds you from the truth. The general feeling I got was, that when I just handed everything I was holding onto away, my beliefs, self-image, assumptions and especially spiritual ego, I was so naked that the truth could finally reveal itself to me. It felt like I was talking so loudly my whole life without a stop that the truth simply did not get a say. When I finally shut up for just a second, it said:

 

 

 

Edited January 9, 2018 by molosku

[molosku]

40 minutes ago, Znib94 said:

- The more you "fail" at inquiry, the better

Feeling stuck? GREAT! That means your mind is hard at work trying to do the impossible. Realize that thats the purpose of inquiry. Do it anyway.

- This part is interesting to me. Just 3 days ago a small insight came to me while I was doing inquiry. I felt a bit of anxiety and started to question it like "to whom does these feelings go to? Who really feels this way?" And as usual I've came to the conclusion that these feelings belong to no-one. No person inside of this body is actually suffering, there are just these feelings all alone. Suddenly a thought came into my mind  "well if nobody suffers, why does it matter that these feelings are appearing? Wouldn't that just make them impersonal?" That changed a lot and for the past 3 days I've been witnessing these thoughts, feelings, stories, fear in an objective and impersonal way. They were just arising in my awareness but they didn't really belong to anyone. 

Yet today I woke up and a strong sense of "me" returned. It's like my anxiety and feelings have become very personal once again. Like I'm really that somebody who is suffering from these feelings and stories once again. Inside of me everything is just too cloudy. I feel totally stuck with inquiry, it's like my mind couldn't accept or figure out what was going on - that there was a loss of identification with it, so the stories and feelings are becoming very "strong" once again. It kind of feels like I'm back at square one once again. 

 

 

All i can say is: never give up.  If you get it the last day of your life,  it will be worth it still.