Self illusion, judgement and compassion

[Forestluv]

Over the last year, themes of unconditional love and compassion for others have been part of my personal development. Psychedelics coupled with meditation have revealed some internal blocks to deeper levels. These blocks include stereotypes, fear and judgement of others. Most of these blocks were subconscious and when they were removed there was a strong sense of "oneness" - a shared experience of struggle, insecurity and suffering. Since judgement was removed, this oneness included those I would normally judge. In particular, those that harm others. It's far easier for me to experience empathy and compassion for victims. Yet, over the last few months, I've also been feeling empathy/compassion for those that harm. Thoughts and feelings of children that have been abused and go on to abuse others. The struggle, insecurity and suffering they have continuously experienced. As well, child abuse and trauma induce epigenetics changes that alter gene expression and physiology. They have a physical brain injury and the epigenetic changes can persist for decades. 

In addition, I've become aware that my illusionary self concept does not have free will. It is not the chooser of my thoughts and actions. This has fundamentally changed my perspective of responsibility, accountability and punishment. In particular, I no longer view criminals as bad people that chose their actions. I see them as a product of their physiology and life experience. If an individual harms another and is a high risk to cause future harm, it seems just to remove that person from society. Rather than "punish" a person that had no free will and was acting in accordance to his/her physiology, it seems more just to offer rehabilitation and should be released from prison if/when the person develops a mind that poses a low risk of harm.

My girlfriend recently challenged me on this perspective. She provides services for victims - in particular abused women and children. She also has three young children that she wants to protect from harm. Her experience carries a lot of weight to me and I found it difficult to disregard her viewpoint. She described the the suffering of victims that she works with and although I have compassion for the victims, I felt like I was put in a position to defend the person that caused the suffering. She said anyone that abuses kids deserves to be punished and if anyone abused her kids he should pay the price. . . We both seemed to have empathy/compassion for an abused child and I posed the following question to her:

"At what point do we lose compassion for the abused child?"

She mentioned at 18 or when he is an adult. Yet, the mental damage and suffering of the abused child persists into adulthood. His actions are a product of his environmental input and physiology. I also believe that the "he" identity is illusionary and there is no free will. She did not seem to accept the absence of free will, which appears to be fundamental to my perspective. She did seem to concede that abused children carry damage into adulthood and later changed her answer about losing compassion to when "the individual takes more lives than his own". For the same reason as above, this idea was not satisfying to me. It seemed like she was assuming the abuser had her level of awareness and rationality. Yet, it's not like her or me committing harmful actions. The reality of the abuser is very different than mine and I have no idea if I can even imagine that reality. Yet, I have have some psychedelic experiences in the insanity zone in which it seems like I "get it". . .  The conversation shifted to abusers that had not been abused and are just "bad people". Abusers that may find abusing others empowering and satisfying. I had a harder time feeling compassion in this scenario and defending my position.

By the end, she framed the conversation as two sides and said she takes the side of the victims. Afterwards, I had a bad feeling - like I was taking the side of the abusers (although the perspective is holitic - there is past and present suffering experienced by all individuals in the environment). Regardless, I felt like I was placed in a position to defend abusers and at times that I was justifying their behavior. This left an unsettling "icky" feeling that is still present two days later.